Cant believe Ive fallen out with my lovely friend

cjj_2

Hi
I have had lots of great advice from all you lovely people on here and so once again I am turning to you with a problem I have.
To cut a long story short at the back end of Aug a good friend of mine asked my child if she could attend an event and I had already said she couldnt. I felt like she had gone behind my back really as she had already asked me twice if my child could take part in this particular event and I had said she was unable to.I think she was wrong to then ask dd. Hope that makes sense as I dont want to go in to all the details as we could be here a long time. Someone told me she was very upset with me over this refusal even though I had a very good reason and I telephoned her to ask if she was upset with me and she said she definately wasnt.
As I only see this friend regularly in summer months I just found out that on Friday my friend had arranged a night out but neglected to invite me and oh. We are usually invited out with this group of friends.

I texted my friend to ask why and she did not get back to me. So I rang 4 times from my mobile and it said call diverted everytime. I rang from oh phone and got straight through so I asked if she had blocked my number. She said she had not. Apparently the night out was one big mix up and I would love to believe that but I feel the whole thing seems a little odd. Any thoughts would be appreciated. TIA x

brians_daughter

Simply sit her don and talk. If shes insisting nothing is wrong say you maybe getting paranoid but x y and mean you think there are.

No good friend would lie anyway at a time like that (or i wouldnt) as you are giving them the ideal time to come out with whatever is on her mind. TBH if you rang 4 times and she didnt answer as was busy then oh rang she may have answered as she feared something was wrong even though she was still in the middle of what she was doing rather than ignoring you?

cjj_2

Sorry forgot to say the falling out was me as I didnt accept on the telephone that it was a mix up and told her I thought our friendship meant nothing to her. I was a little off and think I should be regreting what I said but im not sure I am, if that makes sense. I really hate trouble and cant believe I have caused this rift. x

Bennifred

Hmm - perhaps you could send her a lovely card saying that you really hope you didn't inadvertantly upset her over the question of your dd attending the event, that you certainly didn't intend to, and if you did you are very sorry. Also you are really sorry for over-reacting about the mix-up (even if you don't think you were) And invite her/her OH to dinner at yours, or for a night out or something.

brians_daughter

Aplogise if you feel you have been out of order but make it known what is and isnt acceptable. Having a friend who walks over you/goes behind your back isnt worth having IMO (not saying she is i mean in general) Text/call whatever and ask can you meet for coffee ! Dont over complicate things all good friendships have disagreements

Lotus-eater

Doesn't sound like a lovely friend.

flippin36

Obviously you know her and we don't but she doesn't sound very "lovely" tbh. Has she done this before, is she ultra sensitive if you say no to her? And it doesn't sound like she's being very honest with you. Is the friend who told you she was upset reliable?

cjj_2

Many thanks for all the quick replys. The person who told me is not very reliable no lol. I think the event meant so much to her, it was out of the question for dd to go though although she does not see it that way. x

flippin36

But a good friend would understand and are honest with each other.

magenta22

Did you explain to her why your child couldn't take part in the event?

Try asking her if she wants to meet up for a coffee, if she ignores then she is not much of a friend anyway.

fannyanna

With these types of posts I don’t really feel comfortable with the way everyone is always so quick to highlight that the friend isn’t much of a friend and that the relationship should be ended simply based on the limited information we are given.

OP – you clearly value your friendship with this person and you’re clearly hurt by the fact that it’s going through a rocky patch. I’m sure your friend has mutual feelings.

Like any other relationship you have to roll with the good and the bad. Of course there comes a point where it’s clear that things are not working out but I get the impression you have not reached that point. You’ve both had a bit of a disagreement and have ended up hurt by the others actions.

I think it’s worth having a good chat with your friend (although bare in mind that sometimes it’s good to have a little bit of space so that you’re both calm and can actually have a chat about things rather than still being emotional and the discussion resulting in an argument – which by the sounds of it happened when you last spoke). Apologise to her (you said yourself that you feel you’ve caused the rift) but explain where you were coming from. She may very well come around to your way of thinking or you may both have to agree to disagree.

My best friend and I didn’t speak for a couple of years. It took us that long for our feelings to be put aside but eventually we were drawn back to each other. And as with any great relationship we were able to pick up from exactly where we’d left off.

Oh one more thing. A lot of these types of falling outs are a direct result of a third party stirring things up. Speak directly to your friend and don't trust information you get from others.