Ex missus wants to claim CSA off me

SoozieSoo · 25 January 2007 at 7:17PM

Shedo-kuru wrote:

Because.. mind my language.. she's a little tramp who couldnt get enough..

Either that, or all this was planned, and because i always wore protection that was the only way she could get preg from me i dont know

Sorry to burst your bubble but NO contraception is 100% effective, especially not condoms which have a 10 - 15% faliure rate.

Even if you wear protection a girl can still get pregnant.

Mr_Green_Genes · 25 January 2007 at 8:06PM

bloomin_freezing wrote:

If this really is all true, don't worry too much about csa etc. Some people who work there are ok to deal with. My hubby's case was sorted out smoothly. You may as well pay the £120 for dna cos if its yours you'll be paying similar monthly payments to csa anyway so it'll get you used to things. If you change your job or lose your job for whatever reason you can call them and they'll recalculate your payments. It is not in anyones best interest for csa to leave you skint and they know this. You will not have to pay csa from the childs birth date, only from when they make contact with you and you accept responsponsibility as being the childs father.

All that is the theory. The practice is so different. Your husband's case may have gone ok but statistically, even the CSA will get something right occasionally.

Everyone should worry deeply about the CSA. The chances of them getting an assessment right first time, on time are vanishingly close to zero. As for the bit about them recalculating the payments if anything changes - think on. That has been known to take years.

You state that it is not in anyone's best interests for the CSA to leave people skint and they know it. They may 'know' that in theory but in practice, they really couldn't care less. They apply what they see as the formula mercilessly, especially on easy targets. They don't bother in the slightest about the effects of their work on their victims - just look back into recent history to see the number of suicides attributed to the actions of the CSA.

Most people who have any dealings with them understand all of the above. I've been both NRP and PWC so I've seen it from both angles. Even the government understands the position which is why they are going to abolish it.

I'm sorry for hijacking this thread but I simply couldn't let that comment pass unanswered.

djdido2 · 25 January 2007 at 8:09PM

And besides, even if the child is yours by the time the CSA catch up with you and retrieve any monies from you the child will have left school and have a job of its own.

*Huge dig at CSA*:)[/quote]

My Point entirely!!!!:D

Lady_S · 25 January 2007 at 8:31PM

Can I just say I feel really sorry for you SK. I am also sorry that loads of people seem to be taking the moral high ground. I am 30 but I can remember being young and doing things that were strictly illegal. It happens, I don't think people of that close ages sleeping together makes this lad a !!!!!!.

Fingers crossed it isn't yours and next time please don't sleep with anyone who uses text talk, its a slippery slope.

Also, might be worth you knowing on her comments someone has given her the heads up to this thread.

SmileBeHappy · 25 January 2007 at 8:55PM

Lady_S wrote:

Also, might be worth you knowing on her comments someone has given her the heads up to this thread.

Good for them

I was gona add her to hotmail- see if its true

kelloggs36 · 25 January 2007 at 8:56PM

I used to work for the CSA and can tell you the following:

Until the baby is born, you have absolutely no liability to pay ANYTHING

When the baby is born and your ex makes a claim for child support from you, tick the box that says you do not believe you are the father - that way you get to have a DNA test. If positive, you are liable, if not, you get your costs refunded and walk away.

I would take her claims with a pinch of salt about sha**ing you whilst asleep - if what you say is true and you knew nothing, then the likliehood is that it never happened. Deny paternity until proof is otherwise.

Normally I would say that you should fight to see your child if it turns out to be yours, but in this case I would seriously say, do the minimum, pay and do nothing else. The hassle isn't worth the heartache. If social services can't do anything, then you certainly can't and you will beat yourself up forever.

Where did you get your calculations from? I take it that you are working and have calculated 15% of your net income? If so, then this is about right. Do you pay into a private pension scheme? If not, then get one as you are allowed 100% of the costs offset against your income. I would not advocate doing it to reduce your liability, but you DO need to save for a pension, so you will kill two birds with one stone so to speak.

I presume by your ex's mother demanding benefits that you ARE referring to maintenance? You don't have to pay anything else. Her family's income is irrelevant as already said.

The OP has served his sentence as he has admitted his mistake. If he was an older man, I would say that he was verging on being a pervert, but at the age of 19, sleeping with a 15 year old girl isn't that unusual; whilst in the eyes of the law it is wrong, it isn't such an unusual situation. I wasn't an angel when I was 15 but I didn't turn out like his ex either. The age gap isn't huge. He may have been naive, but I don't think he is a pervert or paedophile at all. He has been caught out very badly which could happen to many people. He has already said he comes from a dysfunctional family himself which may have influenced his way of thinking. Give him a chance at least.

If you are being hassled by her family, do NOT retaliate. If you can, get evidence, have nothing further to do with them and report any harrassment to the police.

If you are not found to be the father, walk away and never look back. I believe that you will have learnt your lesson and want better for yourself and any future children that may arrive. Hopefully within a loving, stable relationship.

Good luck.

xlt_hunter · 25 January 2007 at 9:08PM

Looking at the comments on her blog / photos - is the baby due now, as she said 60 days ago that she is 7 months preg? - but you going to learn your lesson if your the dad.

And looks like a slagging match on her comments!: - one comment I've picked out - now nasty of her!

Adam chose not to use his psychic insight. instead of a one off payment of £1 for a condom it has now cost him £40 a week for the next 16-18 years. Adam, we look forward to recieveing your cheque. Thankyou.
Your all screwed up Arnt you baby <ChaztityXx> said... 8 days ago

Edit: Sorry I don't feel sorry for you! Your mess,

Zara33 · 25 January 2007 at 9:23PM

I have had a little think about all of this and i think perhaps we should not judge the girl mentioned on a certain site any further, basically we do not know if the OP is her ex boyfriend for starters, she is after all still a child.
It could well be a school prank

I couldn't even begin to imagine what it must be like to be pregnant at 15 but this girl certainly does not need to read any of this, how heart breaking for her to know that her details have been splashed all over here.