Tesco Discussion chat & grabbits eleven +

HappyChappy84

How a man withdraws cash from ATM:
a) Park the car
b) Go to ATM
c) Insert card
d) Enter PIN
e) Take money
f) Drive away

How a woman withdraws cash from ATM:
a) Park the car
b) Check makeup
c) Turn off engine
d) Check makeup
e) Go to ATM
f) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
g) Insert card
h) Hit Cancel
i) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
j) Insert card
k) Enter PIN
l) Take cash
m) Go to car
n) Check makeup
o) Start car
p) Stop car
q) Run back to ATM
r) Take ATM card
s) Back to car
t) Check makeup
u) Start car
v) Check makeup
w) Drive for ½ mile
x) Release handbrake and
y) Drive on

HappyChappy84

How to Shower like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.
2. Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush into the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how fat you are getting.
4. Get in the shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15-20 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake bodywash.
10. Rinse conditioner out of hair. (This takes at least 15 minutes, as you must be sure you’ve gotten it all out.)
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces. Spray any spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
15. Check entire body for the ANY sign of a blemish. Dwell. Attack with nails and/or tweezers if found.
16. Return to bedroom in long dressing gown with towel on head.
17. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush into the bedroom to spend 2 hours getting dressed.

How to Shower like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor where they dropped.
2. Walk naked into the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake your weiner at her and say something stupid.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck your gut in to see if you have pecs/abs. (You don’t.) Admire the size of your weiner in the mirror and scratch your privates.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one). Wash your face… wash your armpits… Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
6. Wash your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
7. Shampoo your hair (no conditioner), make a shampoo mohawk. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
8. Pee in the shower and rinse off. Get out, and fail to notice the puddle of water on the floor because you left the shower curtain hanging outside of the tub the whole time.
9. Partially dry off, look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire weiner again. Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on the floor, bathroom light and fan on.
10. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife on the way, grab your weiner, say something stupid, and thrust your pelvis at her.
11. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed. Fart and go about your day.

QPR10

Gemini_Jes wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Tonight the topics are....cats eating chocolate and how to clean burnt off food from saucepans..:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

We've run out of things to say about Jacket Potatoes & Happy Chappy's ear is better :rotfl:I can't remember who had trouble with their ears last night or this morning

frequent

queen_of_cheap wrote: »

chocolate is toxic to birds?

Or cats?!

not sure about cats, defo toxic to birds, as are many plants..and human saliva, why do people kiss their birds ?

obviously keeping birds means no cats..except the neighbours looking for tweetie lunch

aallank

Ilovemykids wrote: »

I did reply,but we our back on go fast!

on my list from last night all I've written is areos 400g I think that must be all that was posted last night as I would of noted the barcode.
hth

mind you when I was looking it did dawn on me thats one hell of a aero bar!! I saw the galaxy that size and thought wow

sorry hun, i did miss it, must be how i missed the actual glitch being posted last night, lol..
I think its when i refresh it skips a couple of posts, thanks again though :beer:

HappyChappy84

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds, titled, “Wife Wanted”.

The next day he received hundreds of letters. The all said the same thing; “You can have mine.”

DeeDee74

if theres any left by then lol

wirehair

HappyChappy84 wrote: »

How a man withdraws cash from ATM:
a) Park the car
b) Go to ATM
c) Insert card
d) Enter PIN
e) Take money
f) Drive away

How a woman withdraws cash from ATM:
a) Park the car
b) Check makeup
c) Turn off engine
d) Check makeup
e) Go to ATM
f) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
g) Insert card
h) Hit Cancel
i) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
j) Insert card
k) Enter PIN
l) Take cash
m) Go to car
n) Check makeup
o) Start car
p) Stop car
q) Run back to ATM
r) Take ATM card
s) Back to car
t) Check makeup
u) Start car
v) Check makeup
w) Drive for ½ mile
x) Release handbrake and
y) Drive on

More like the other way round .

3Dogs

Evening all - had a right larf catching up - great stories HC, you're certainly the joker in the pack

nikkilala wrote: »

Happy you really are a see now look what you and 3dogs have started!!!

fudge2 wrote: »

3, the 's are

Glad the smileys are going down well

Ilovemykids

aallank wrote: »

sorry hun, i did miss it, must be how i missed the actual glitch being posted last night, lol..
I think its when i refresh it skips a couple of posts, thanks again though :beer:

no worries :beer: