Problems with my husband again

suited-aces

If OP was in a different mood the "dirty old man" stuff would he viewed as flirty playfulness by an excited lover who can't keep his hands off her. As it stands,not only is he routinely rejected, but he's labelled a pervert for actually wanting to sleep with his wife.

Shocking.

BitterAndTwisted

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

It sounds like the op will consider anything her husband does as being like a dirty old man because she doesn't fancy him.

Interesting that you think the man should always take the lead in these situations. the world and people have moved on. its not the 40s anymore. women enjoy sex too.;)

No-one actually said that the man should always take the lead, so I think you could be reading more into this than is justified. A woman can woo her man if she wants but that usually doesn't mean grabbing at them when they're putting their coat on to go out and making what sounds like completely inappropriate references to what should go on in private in front of their children.

Couple that with this man being selfish and irresponsible with money, viewing dating sites on the net, having condoms around the place where their child could find them, stocking up on KY and spending hard-earned money on Viagra which he patently doesn't need to use with his partner if he's that keen and deprived is all spelling "get shot of him" to me.

euronorris

suited-aces wrote: »

If OP was in a different mood the "dirty old man" stuff would he viewed as flirty playfulness by an excited lover who can't keep his hands off her. As it stands,not only is he routinely rejected, but he's labelled a pervert for actually wanting to sleep with his wife.

Shocking.

To be fair, we don't know how far he takes this. Whether it's a flirty attempt at playfulness every now and then, or if it's constant, crude (when in front of the daughter) and only ever at inappropriate times.

All we have to go on right now, is the OP's interpretation of it, which I agree could be heavily affected by her emotions, and the fact that she doesn't find him sexually attractive right now.

Dinah93

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

absolutely this.

dont think hes an innocent but i dont think the op is either. i hope she has a plan for her half of the marital debt once she divorces him because shes gonna have to pay it. doesnt matter if its in his name only.

Yes it does, laws about one spouse being responsible for the others debts went out a LONG time ago. It will only be shared debt if it is secured against a joint asset (loan against a property for example where you are both named on the deeds/mortgage), is debt for a joint asset (such as a car loan) or obviously is in joint names. Unsecured debt in one name only is not the responsibility of any other person, and they can not be chased for it legally by a credit card company or bank. As a result of any settlement through the courts when divorcing your hsuband could ask them to take into account debt which can be clearly proved to be for joint benefit (loan for double glazing, childs school fees etc) but it has to be crystal clear it was for joint benefit, and a lot of purchases could easily be argued to be a gift.

Have you considered counselling? It may help you to work out your feelings towards one another. Although to be honest if you've got to the stage where him touching you disgusts you, I'd say that's a fairly clear sign you're both better off with someone else.

If the lease is in your name only then he is there at you will (although may not leave easily if you ask him obviously), and has no legal right to live there. I know this through personal experience when I had to get the police to remove my violent ex from the house - if it had been in joint names he could have stayed regardless of who paid or how much he hurt me unless I got a restraining order, so I've never been so glad his crap credit record meant we'd taken it in just my name.

Sambucus_Nigra

You think he is having an affair and trying to keep it a secret; I think he isn't having an affair but trying to make you think he is and not keeping it a secret. You have got to ask the question, if he isn't having an affair, then what's this all about?

wannabe_sybil

My view it isn't about male/female

If a man wants romance, he does the chasing. If the woman wants romance she does the chasing. The tactics may differ slightly but both will involve making the object of their desire feel relaxed, comfortable and open, not tense and defensive. Humans do not have standardised drives, and people are people.

If the OP's partner is continuing to grope when she has told him that it turns her off, then it isn't about sex. If he grabs during washing up but doesn't take the opportunity to schmooze with an early night but watches films, it isn't about sex.

Just on a personal level, being groped when I have said I don't want to be touched does not increase my romantic inclinations. It makes me feel violent. But then, it would be a funny old world if we were all the same.

OP - you could try 'diary' sex in the evening, early night, when he would be watching films. That may help break the deadlock that way. However if you have no love left for him then perhaps you both would be better with a fresh start.

How old is your DD? Talking about stuff like this in front of children can be really unhealthy.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

maggirl wrote: »

He is much bigger than me and sometimes I just have to stuggle to get away which really winds me up when I make it clear Im not interested!....

If someone has to fight to get away from sexual advances, that's not normal behaviour on the male's part. No means No means No means No, not, well if you pin me against the kitchen sink so I can't get away because you are stronger than me, it means I really want it after all.

ciderwithrosie_2

Just to throw an idea in the mix.... the stuff he bought he could be using to 'pleasure' himself when the OP's gone to bed, the condoms in the front room would suggest this as he may have forgot to put them back. Some men actually like to wear a condom for this purpose, if they've got a bit of a rubber fetish and it keeps it all tidy in one place as it were (can't believe I'm typing this ) Is it possible he could be 'performing' on a webcam OP while he's claiming to watch films downstairs? This could also explain the viagra and KY