Not entitled to JSA - I was a carer

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I always wonder what a carer means when s/he says something like this.

I'll answer this ONW as it is very much how I feel/have felt for years.

Even when my son was at school, I had to be on call at short notice. All the times they could not cope with him, they called me. This could be anything from once a week to twice a day.

All the times his young adult training scheme could not cope with him, they called me.

Eventually all agencies admitted they could not deal with him. Of course the theory says that there should be somewhere for him but the reality is that there is not.

I was never able to work as no employer would accept me taking off at short notice.

Social activities came to an abrupt end as no-one would baby sit him or mind him when older. People faded away as his difficulties were hard for outsiders to put up with

My life became his. My life was put on hold. The life I have is not mine.

aliasojo

Samsaragirl wrote: »

.......but the old saying, the old man never sends you more than you can deal with.

My Doctor told me that once.....I think he was talking crap. :rotfl:

Samsaragirl

aliasojo wrote: »

I'll answer this ONW as it is very much how I feel/have felt for years.

Even when my son was at school, I had to be on call at short notice. All the times they could not cope with him, they called me. This could be anything from once a week to twice a day.

All the times his young adult training scheme could not cope with him, they called me.

Eventually all agencies admitted they could not deal with him. Of course the theory says that there should be somewhere for him but the reality is that there is not.

I was never able to work as no employer would accept me taking off at short notice.

Social activities came to an abrupt end as no-one would baby sit him or mind him when older. People faded away as his difficulties were hard for outsiders to put up with

My life became his. My life was put on hold. The life I have is not mine.

Try wiping your dad's !!!!, when he was the most proud , quiet, unpretentious man ever.
Try seeing your lovely parents in despair, despite their pride, their 56 year marriage

How glad am I that I arranged a surprise party for theotr 40th wedding anniversary, and picked them up in a limo after the holiday in benidorm on their 50th at the airport- no bother that it was also my 40th birthday.

My dad does not know who I am, my mum rings me, 24/7, I( go round at least 10 times a day as well as changing sheets, shaking duvets. So sad as mum keeps buying the most expensive canadian goose down duvets, and just me shaking them she makes a massive thing about (as she is too weak). Dad has a better night sleep just cos Ishake duvet (no), just all in her mind,, then the stair lift breaks, then the doctor has to come out again;.....

Samsaragirl

aliasojo wrote: »

My Doctor told me that once.....I think he was talking crap. :rotfl:

I have wondered at times myself, but keeps me going

aliasojo

Samsaragirl wrote: »

Try wiping your dad's !!!!, when he was the most proud , quiet, unpretentious man ever.
Try seeing your lovely parents in despair, despite their pride, their 56 year marriage

It's not a competition. :D

I do understand your feelings.

Mojisola

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

First off, you cant claim Carers alllowance anyway if you are a pensioner.

Some pensioners can get an "underlying entitlement". It's always worth applying.

https://www.carers.org/carers-allowance
"Underlying Entitlement: You cannot receive Carer's Allowance and a State Retirement Pension. If however you are a carer who would qualify for Carers Allowance, you may be entitled to what is known as Underlying Entitlement, which may entitle you to benefits that your retirement pension does not."

Samsaragirl

aliasojo wrote: »

It's not a competition. :D

I do understand your feelings.

Who is trying to compete, just putting a point across to the people who think caring is easy, and should not be 'rewarded' numerically by the state

aliasojo

Samsaragirl wrote: »

Who is trying to compete, just putting a point across to the people who think caring is easy, and should not be 'rewarded' numerically by the state

It was just a bit of banter. I didn't mean it seriously, hence the smilies.

Oldernotwiser

Samsaragirl wrote: »

It's just clicked with me.

You think I'm putting my life on hold to get their inheritance.

I'm actually putting my life on hold to care for the people who cared for me and to do the right thing by my instinct.

To be fair, I thnk too much has come at once for me, and I'm very aggressive has not evaluated it myself, but the old saying, the old man never sends you more than you can deal with.

I did have a very sheltered first 30 years

I never thought any such thing and had actually forgotten that you had anything to inherit.

I just can't get my head round the idea that "my life" is off somewhere else, waiting for me to come back to it rather than being what I'm living in the here and now. That's what I don't understand.

Oldernotwiser

aliasojo wrote: »

I'll answer this ONW as it is very much how I feel/have felt for years.

Even when my son was at school, I had to be on call at short notice. All the times they could not cope with him, they called me. This could be anything from once a week to twice a day.

All the times his young adult training scheme could not cope with him, they called me.

Eventually all agencies admitted they could not deal with him. Of course the theory says that there should be somewhere for him but the reality is that there is not.

I was never able to work as no employer would accept me taking off at short notice.

Social activities came to an abrupt end as no-one would baby sit him or mind him when older. People faded away as his difficulties were hard for outsiders to put up with

My life became his. My life was put on hold. The life I have is not mine.

That's where I disagree with you, as I've said above. The life you're living now is, for better or worst, your life and it doesn't strike me as particularly helpful to look on it as if it isn't.

ETA

Of course, if looking at it this way does help you then of course there's nothing wrong with that; we all have to get by in whatever way we can.