Problem with my 6yo....

aliasojo

tankgirl1 wrote: »

Because most of his class mates are very much middle class, and very well spoken - my lil man is clever - he wants to be friends with the cool kids eg the posh kids - but we can't compete

I'm not sure if I've interpretated your comment correctly so apologies if this isn't relevant to what you meant, but it struck a chord with me and I empathise with you.

We have just moved into a very 'monied' area. And we have none. :D There seems to be a high percentage of families where both parents work and both have white collar career type jobs.

The kids are driven to school in seriously expensive cars (OH cries every time he sees someone going past in his dream car ). Then I rack up in my old banger. Initially, I had to fight down my feelings of being insignificant and inferior, our lifestyle is a million miles away from what appears to be the norm here and even once we get on our feet, we will never be the same type of 2.4 monied family as many of the others.

I wasn't concerned about my daughter fitting in, we have always been sticklers for speaking properly, having manners, being considerate to others etc so I knew she would not personally struggle with a peer group different to that which she was used to BUT I did (and still do) have a concern about how we will be able to keep up and fund her different lifestyle especially when her new peer group have the kind of social interests that cost money. If she becomes really friendly and starts to socialise a lot with her classmates (which I hope she does) then the kids tend to 'do' things or go places on a weekend, rather than just go out to play like they did back home. I think it will help her grow as a person to experience more activities but it will be a bit hard for us to keep up with it all.

Is that what you meant by 'compete'?

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

...... you should hope that some of the 'middle class' habits rub off on your son, especially being well spoken and having an ambition to succeed. itll do him well in life.

I agree with this.

In our old place, our daughter's peer group were nice kids but playing out and roaming the streets seemed to be given more importance than anything else. Homework was either something that got raced though quickly or not done at all. Daughter was beginning to resent us keeping her in after school to do her homework when all her pals were outside having fun. When it comes to influence, peer groups are way up there at the top.

The kids at her new school seem to want to learn for the sake of it which pleases us no end. She asked us if she could go to an afterschool club the other day to help with one particular subject, because her classmates were going and she thought she would give it a try too. In another instance, the kids were going to ask a teacher to set up an afterschool class for another subject as one wasn't presently in existance. She would never in a million years have even considered doing this before.

So, whilst her Dad and I will no doubt have many sleepless nights worrying about us being the poor incomers, I sincerely hope these 'posh' kids rub off on her and she is encouraged even more to view achieving as something to strive for.

So OP, as you can see we are in a similar situation with regard to 'class'. My own feeling is that as long as you have 'standards' with regard to manners etc then you and yours can mix very sucessfully with those who may have more material wealth than you.

(Until your kid is a young teenager who wants to go to expensive places with their friends. )

Dont fret too much, your lad is still only young, continue to encourage good behaviour in him and nip anything else in the bud straightaway, he'll soon learn the best way to behave and he'll not have too many issues whatever his class is and whoever he mixes with.

balletshoes

tankgirl1 wrote: »

Because most of his class mates are very much middle class, and very well spoken - my lil man is clever - he wants to be friends with the cool kids eg the posh kids - but we can't compete

you don't have to compete - and if you think you do that will transfer itself to your son and he will feel under more pressure. Your son obviously manages fine to make friends with the kids at his school by being himself, he doesn't need to be anything else.

onlyroz

tankgirl1 wrote: »

Because most of his class mates are very much middle class, and very well spoken - my lil man is clever - he wants to be friends with the cool kids eg the posh kids - but we can't compete

You don't need money to teach your child to be well spoken. :think:

aliasojo

onlyroz wrote: »

You don't need money to teach your child to be well spoken. :think:

I'm sure the OP knows that.

I think her feelings are about so much more though, don't you?

Sambucus_Nigra

Tank - northern working class boys are top notch. So don't worry about it! I moved hundreds of miles to be with mine.

Southern working class people also have well spoken middle class people to compete with as well - it's a typically English thing.

Please don't be ashamed of it - be proud of it - there's alot of good old fashioned history in them there working class roots.

FBaby

This type of behaviour has nothing to do with class, or whether the child is growing up in a single parent family. I've seen it in various type of families, middle class as working class. Some children are naturally more headstrong, like to be in control and be leaders. Just like some children are naturally shy and need to learn to be more assertive, some children need to learn to take a step back and listen to their peers. Like many behaviours, it takes time to learn, however, it is important that the child does learn to take other's wishes into consideration or they do take the risk of being pushed away and bullied if the behaviour continues.

My DD is naturally a leader and always has been. Every since she was a baby at nursery, she wanted to be first in line, suggesting games and expecting others to agree with her ideas and certainly didn't like losing! There were others like her and of course, they were so clashes at time. It is part of learning social skills, and she certainly did learn. She is now almost 12, is still an assertive child and a leader, but she has learnt to lead by getting people on her side through persuasion rather than ordering them. She has learnt to become a better listener and take some steps back. Other kids who were clearly the assertive type at nursery have also calmed down a lot. Unfortunately, i can think of a couple who didn't and who at 12 are finding it hard to adjust at their secondary school because they still expect to boss everyone around and they are not getting the same response they did in primary school. One of mum understands very well what is happening and is trying to help her boy, but the other one is adamant that the other kids are horrible and bullies. The teachers from previous years have tried to say to her that her girl's behaviour towards her peer can be overbearing, but she won't have it.

I think you are doing the right thing with your boy. Do not tell him that it is bad to be a assertive and want to lead, it is actually a very good quality to have, however, it is important to be respectful towards his friends and accept that he can't always gets his own way. What you can do to help him is encourage him to be the spokeperson, gathering what everyone wants to do and helping coming to a compromise. This way he is still getting attention, but to please everyone. Learning negotiation skills at a young age will always be very valuable, regardless whether he evolves in a middle or working class.

JC9297

blue_monkey wrote: »

tank-girl, if they had THAT much money their kids would be in Private Education.

Not true, I know plenty of families who could afford to send their children to private school if they wanted to but choose not to, not everybody feels it is necessary. Also some families who send their children to private school are not fabulously wealthy, that's just what they choose to spend their money on.

ViolaLass

JC9297 wrote: »

Not true, I know plenty of families who could afford to send their children to private school if they wanted to but choose not to, not everybody feels it is necessary. Also some families who send their children to private school are not fabulously wealthy, that's just what they choose to spend their money on.

And some get scholarships - I know someone who went to a private school while having a family income of £13k.

Oldernotwiser

Mrs.W wrote: »

I'm sure there are many areas that need to be covered for a child to be considered 'well raised'. The OP is simply saying she feels her son might be slipping in one respect; behaviour.

Well no actually, she said "my son is a bit of a spoilt brat ".

barbiedoll

Oh OP, please don't think that you have to "compete" with your son's richer friends, money means nothing to kids, although they often don't realise that until later.

My mum bought us up single-handedly. We lived in a house with no central heating, we shared bedrooms and we had shabby furnishings and very little in the way of expensive toys and clothes. We lived in a quite affluent area and many of our school friends lived in much nicer houses than we did. And yet, all of our friends loved coming to our house, simply because my mum was so great with kids. She is warm, caring and has a lovely sunny personality. Several of my friends even now will tell me that they wished they had a mum like mine, having lots of money and a big house doesn't do you many favours if your parents don't have any time for you.

As for your son being a "spoilt brat", I'm sure that he isn't, he's probably just asserting his authority in his own house! A lot of kids go through stages of being bratty, I know my son did. I spent a very horrible half hour once, listening to my friend tell me how my son had belittled her boy all day whilst he had been staying there. Apparently, he constantly went on about how, because he was the eldest (by 3 months!) he got to choose what games they played, what they had for dinner and generally behaved like King of the World! Surprisingly, even 7 years later, the kids are still best friends and hopefully, my son hasn't behaved this badly since!