Complicated - flatmate / relationships! Help!

anon87_2

Anon user here as know people on the site and this isn't public yet!

After a year or so of trying me and my husband have realised it's just not working and have decided to split. It's been hard but we havent been getting on for a long time, so we're making it official soon.

As we only recently purchased our house (and before we lived in his house) and to be honest I've put in practically nothing since moving in due to low paying jobs / uni etc we've decided he will stay in the house and I will be moving out. He's giving me some of our savings (mainly saved by him) to help me get going.

For a few months I've been staying at friends but the time has finally come to get my own place sorted. I can't get a mortgage as just don't have the deposit, but am looking at renting. Can't afford my own place and really don't want to live with strangers. Luckily a dear old friend of mine is looking to move out of his parents and so we've started flat / house hunting together

We've been friends for years and over the past year have become closer friends (I have a lot of male friends so this hasn't been weird at all). However in the past few weeks things have got a bit weird between us.

Well weird is the wrong term as it's nice! We've always shared hugs when saying hello / bye but lately theres been the odd occasion where I've found myself looking at him. Theres also been times where our legs have touched under the table and neither of us have reacted to it much...

A few weeks ago we went on a few nights away with a group of friends. They all crashed out early so we ended staying up till late talking just the 2 of us. We've had long chats before (and have helped each other through a lot of things) but this one was 'different'.

This weekend though it came to a head when we had a 'moment'. Nothing happened but I got a bit teary and he gave me a huge hug and we ended up looking at each other for way way too long.

I've finally bitten the bullet and confided in a friend who looked at me like I was an idiot and said 'duh, your smitten for the guy!'. Annoyingly though she is also best buds with him and so has gone 'snooping'. Well she's been more subtle than that, but had a good catch up with him.

After a few hours and a few drinks she's got him to admit he's completely smitten with me and has been for a while. Apparently he noticed feelings about 6 months ago but has ignored them as we're buds but in the past few weeks has found it harder to ignore, and the night away was really really hard. And yes he completely realised the moment to.

Now my friend is telling me to stop being silly and go for it. I've been seperated for nearly 9 months now so theres nothing stopping me there. However we're planning on moving in together as flat mates!

Would this just be really really stupid? I can't help but think of the logical stuff though!

To be honest I don't have many other living arrangements and so really need to do this with him, but what if we do have proper feelings for each other!!!

Greener_Grass

short answer yes, don't poo where you eat.

heretolearn_2

Be flatmates or start dating, don't try and combine the two!

CH27

heretolearn wrote: »

Be flatmates or start dating, don't try and combine the two!

Excellent advice.

claire16c

I would look on the internet/papers for house shares, I would not move in with him now this is happening!

newcook

hell, you can rest when you're dead - go for it!

if it doesnt work out, you can try living together as friends and see how that goes and if it doesnt go well then theres always the tenancy renewal just around the corner so you can keep your eyes peeled for another place!

anon87_2

Thank you guys, its a bit of a tricky one to be honest!

My one friend is agreeing with new cook but ideally I want to take things bloody bloody slowly which I'm not sure if it's possible if we were flat mates? I guess we'd have to stick to the seperate rooms thing and be regimented?

I know I can look for flat shares, but to be honest the idea of living on my own scares me enough (went straight from home to hubby) let alone with strangers! I've never been in this position before!!

BitterAndTwisted

What's the worst that could happen if you rent somewhere together and it all goes t!ts-up?

You see out the end of the tenancy together and move on when the time comes. The main danger is should one of you move out and leave the other in the lurch to pay all of the rent on their own. Only you know whether this is likely or affordable should it happen.

I say "go for it".

ViolaLass

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

What's the worst that could happen if you rent somewhere together and it all goes t!ts-up?

It could get hugely awkward (what if they break up and one starts bringing new partner home?).

newcook

ViolaLass wrote: »

It could get hugely awkward (what if they break up and one starts bringing new partner home?).

this is why housemates should have rules in place.

Kay_Peel

You've never fancied him before - he's just a friend. You haven't talked together about your newish feelings for each other. You've heard things from a third party and she sounds like a matchmaker!

You want to take things slowly - and maybe he does too. You're confused, puzzled, unsure and all of a dither - and that's a good enough reason to put the brakes on rather than dive head first into a living-together-as-a-couple scenario.

Do nothing until you've straightened your head out and had a talk with your buddy.