Newborn not taking to the moses basket well

skintchick

dantheman2010 wrote: »

During the day she is going 3-4 hours. And apart from last night and the night before she was going 2.5-3 hours.

No we didnt.

So she is going 2.5 to 3 hours between feeds at night? If so then well done!

dantheman2010 wrote: »

But this is the bit we are struggling to understand, do we pick her up and let her settle on us. Or just leave her?

We have a mobile but thats on the cot, so wouldnt work on the moses basket.

The cuddles during the day, should be when she is awake I guess? If she is asleep then it is more time of her being held when asleep?

We had also been leaving the landing light on with the door open a bit, but I know a lot of people say there should be no light, so I think we will try that too.

You need to remember that she isn;t even at her due date yet. Babies come out a bit early anyway due to the head/hip ratio, which is why people refer to the fourth trimester someone else has mentioned http://www.parentmap.com/article/babys-fourth-trimester-helping-your-baby-make-a-peaceful-transition-from-womb-to-world

http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/118626/babies_are_still_gestating_9
and this is why they don't fall into any kind of regular routine until at least 12 weeks.

A newborn, especially a premature one, going for three hours at night between feeds is doing really well. you don;t mention if baby is breast or bottle fed, but if breast then very very well indeed!

You really need to try and go with your instincts about your baby. What do you and your partner want to do? Do you want to hold her/cosleep? If so, then read up on how to do it safely (no duvet, baby nowhere near pillow, no drinking or drugs) and go for it! Many people cosleep and their children DO sleep on their own at some point. (My DD coslept with us for a year and now sleeps in her own room, goes to sleep by herself, and is still breastfed, so sleeping arrangements really won;t stop them sleeping alone when they're older). This may reassure you http://www.examiner.com/attachment-parenting-in-mankato/attachment-parenting-practices-linked-to-reduction-sids-rates

She may like light, she may like no light, she may like noise or no noise, only you can work these things out.

I know it is a shock to the system when you have a baby, and you just want someone to tell you what to do, but no-one can, because your family and your baby have different needs to anyone else's family or baby.

The only definitive thing I would say to do is this: do not let your baby cry alone (in your arms is different) http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/excessive-crying-harmful-to-babies.html

http://home.mweb.co.za/to/torngren/patparent.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201108/where-are-the-happy-babies

But this is also an interesting read on why crying (not crying alone) is fine and normal http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/09/7-reasons-to-calm-down-about-babies-crying/


Ultimately, tiny babies don't have wants, they only have needs, and who would choose to ignore their baby's needs? Trust your instincts and do what feels right to you and your partner. The more you listen to others the more confused you can get. Take a deep breath. Think about everything you have read and heard and then decide what feels right for you.

mildred1978

liney wrote: »

At this point Mum should be 'sleeping when the baby does' in the day.

One thing I can tell you after an exceptionally bad night with my son who was 8lb 1 and a 'long' baby was that he kept banging his legs on the moses basket and was swiftly moved into his cot from about 2 weeks old. Also he liked his babygrown on the baggy side so his legs weren't restricted when kicking out.

The Babywhisperer book was my godsend. Advice on routines from birth, feeding, and developmental milestones without leaving your baby to cry.http://www.amazon.co.uk/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Communicate/dp/0091857023

Very good point. I ended up cutting the feet off my son's babygrows!

skintchick

mildred1978 wrote: »

Very good point. I ended up cutting the feet off my son's babygrows!

Yes! DD hated her feet being enclosed. I had to search high and low for those all-in-ones without feet (should have just cut the feet off babygrows I guess!). They all have little quirks, you just got to work them out! that's all parenting is - guesswork!

gratefulforhelp_2

dantheman2010 wrote: »

Good morning all

Myself and my OH are struggling a bit with our 9 day old daughter not taking well to the moses basket at night.

I know she is very very young (she was actually 2 weeks early too) but the up until the last 2 nights she slept pretty well in the moses basket but last night and the night before she really didnt. Even though she had been fed, changed and winded she just wouldnt settle and to get some respite we ended up letting her sleep with us, which we were advised by the hospital not to do.

She wakes up every 3ish hours for her bottle but just hasnt been settling down well after (at night) during the day she isnt so bad.

Just wondered if anyone else experienced this and any suggestions to help?

Thanks

I've never used a moses basket, but what helped for me was to put a worn T shirt of mine under the top sheet (not one with metal bits or long ties).

This really helped baby no.3 to take to the cot.

Babies are so clever, they like to sleep on Mummy or Daddy and that's exactly what they try to do. Brilliant.

skintchick

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I've never used a moses basket, but what helped for me was to put a worn T shirt of mine under the top sheet (not one with metal bits or long ties).

This really helped baby no.3 to take to the cot.

Babies are so clever, they like to sleep on Mummy or Daddy and that's exactly what they try to do. Brilliant.

Sorry to keep popping in. A used breastpad is useful for this too. Smells just like mum's best bit!

gratefulforhelp_2

dantheman2010 wrote: »

But this is the bit we are struggling to understand, do we pick her up and let her settle on us. Or just leave her?

We have a mobile but thats on the cot, so wouldnt work on the moses basket.

The cuddles during the day, should be when she is awake I guess? If she is asleep then it is more time of her being held when asleep?

We had also been leaving the landing light on with the door open a bit, but I know a lot of people say there should be no light, so I think we will try that too.

In your efforts to be a good Daddy, you are overthinking it a bit.

There isn't a formula, only some ideas that may work.

Please remember to remove the hot water bottle before baby goes in!

Mojisola wrote: »

Don't forget that you can always sleep in the spare room or on the sofa if that will help you cope with work better. Mum will have the opportunity to catch up on sleep when baby sleeps during the day - you need to make sure you don't get sleep-deprived.

Agreed, though Mum will also need your support.

skintchick wrote: »

Ultimately, tiny babies don't have wants, they only have needs, and who would choose to ignore their baby's needs? Trust your instincts and do what feels right to you and your partner. The more you listen to others the more confused you can get. Take a deep breath. Think about everything you have read and heard and then decide what feels right for you.

This puts what I was trying to say about baby cleverness much better than I put it.

They cry 'til they get what they need.

peachyprice

skintchick wrote: »

A newborn, especially a premature one, going for three hours at night between feeds is doing really well.

38 weeks isn't a premie, anything from 37 weeks onwards is considered full term.

OP, if she's going 3-4 hours during the day at just 9 days old she may be hungry at night, it usually takes 4 weeks ish to get to 4 hour feeding, your OH could try feeding her more often during the day to keep her milk intake up.

Pisces

Gosh, at nine days old I wouldn't worry too much about doing 'right' and 'wrong' OP. It's early days and they don't know day/night yet. It may be cuddles are needed, and it's impossible to 'spoil' a newborn, so cuddle all night if it helps. If s/he was nine months I would say let them cry it out, but at nine days I'm afraid sleep will evade you while you pace/co-sleep/drive round the block/try everything to get them to sleep.

Keep going, it gets easier. By three or four months lots of babies will sleep 10pm - 6am, and then everything starts to settle down.

barbiedoll

Between about day 8 and day 14, babies will have a huge growth spurt. This means that for at least a couple of nights, they will be restless, will feed continuously and will simply not settle. This is perfectly normal behaviour and it is instinctive for babies to do this. The non-stop feeding is to increase mum's breastmilk supply to cope with the baby's growth, unfortunately, this will happen even with bottlefed babies!

Babies will feed more at night because the hormones that make breastmilk are more productive during the hours of darkness. Again, this is instinctive behaviour and is true for bottlefed babies too. I don't see many babies who settle into a moses basket for the first week or two, we think that this is simply because that after 9 months in the cosy environment of the womb, a baby will feel very insecure being left alone to sleep. Anthropologists think that this is due to ancient survival instincts, a small animal or baby left alone is a prime target for predators!

Parents slept with their children for thousands of years, it was on the advice of Victorian (male) doctors that the fashion for giving children their own cots and beds started. The doctors thought that women couldn't be trusted to sleep with their children, in fact, they didn't think that we could be trusted to even care for our own offspring, this is why babies were taken from mothers straight after the birth and given to servants/nurses to care for. This practice spread to the hospitals and has only recently been seen as harmful for both mums and babies. It also contributed to the sudden decline in breastfeeding and coincided with the introduction of mass-produced formula. Hospital staff STILL insist that co-sleeping is harmful and indeed, if parents are over-tired, smoke or have taken drink, drugs or prescription medication, then it can be dangerous. But mothers have been filmed co-sleeping with their infants and they tend to sleep like cats, with one eye and ear open and they continually adjust their position, the bedding and even their partner, to ensure the baby's comfort and safety. There is a good (if wordy) report here...

http://www.bednest.co.uk/documents/bed-sharing-and-co-sleeping-article.pdf

OP, don't fret too much, this is probably the most difficult time in your life, and everyone is unprepared for it! You're doing all of the right things and your baby will settle eventually!

JC9297

dantheman2010 wrote: »

What do you suggest during the day for when she wont sleep?

This is my suggestion -

Day time –

Feed, wind, change
Straight in bouncer or basket

Evening time –

Bath, feed, wind, change
Straight in basket

Night time –

Warm basket with hot water bottle
Pop a t shirt smelling of OH underneath her
Feed, wind, change
No picking her up to comfort her if the above has been done, let her settle herself.

It sounds as if you expect babies to sleep every minute they are not feeding or being changed, but babies vary enormously in their sleep patterns. It may be that she doesn't need sleep when you are putting her down at night because she has had enough earlier in the day.