Elderly parents selling house - need advice with future plans please.....

phoebe1989seb

I just wanted to add that at this stage all we are trying to do is consider all the options available very carefully. We don't want to make any rash decisions - either with or without my dad's input, particularly as it is now obvious that he himself has made hasty decisions previously that have benefited neither of them!

With that in mind I would be interested to hear anyone's opinions/experiences of a) moving a parent/parents into warden-controlled accomodation if they are suffering from alzheimers/dementia and b) renting out their current home to fund care home fees.

In case it does come to placing them in residential care, I had a quick search online today and I gather it will be incredibly difficult to find a care home where they would be able to share a room as very few have more than a couple of twin rooms

Thanks for any further suggestions......

namecheck

phoebe1989seb wrote: »

I just wanted to add that at this stage all we are trying to do is consider all the options available very carefully. We don't want to make any rash decisions - either with or without my dad's input, particularly as it is now obvious that he himself has made hasty decisions previously that have benefited neither of them!

With that in mind I would be interested to hear anyone's opinions/experiences of a) moving a parent/parents into warden-controlled accomodation if they are suffering from alzheimers/dementia and b) renting out their current home to fund care home fees.

In case it does come to placing them in residential care, I had a quick search online today and I gather it will be incredibly difficult to find a care home where they would be able to share a room as very few have more than a couple of twin rooms

Thanks for any further suggestions......

Poor you, horrible situation to be in.

I don't know much about care homes, but with ordinary retirement flats it is generally the case that a couple may be able to move in if one has dementia or Alzheimers.

However, the able minded partner must be able to care and be responsible for the other and if this becomes impossible then the person being cared for must be found suitable alternative accommodation.

There are now other retirement complexes which offer a great deal of support. Not cheap, but your parents appear to have the funds for this.

casualwalks

There may be another option. I'm not sure about Wiltshire, but in Bristol we have something called very sheltered housing (VSH). These are a group of flats (new build) which has a team of carers on sight 24/7. So unlike wardened controlled flats, where residents may get a visit once a week, the carers can come in several times a day to carry out personal care, bring meals etc. The VSH usually have a restaurant on site. VSH pretty much offer the level of care that most residential homes can offer but with the advantage of having your own flat. In Bristol VSH is always explored before people are placed in care homes.

Brock_and_Roll

My mother has run a care home in Dorset for the last 25 years - we have two twin rooms but over the years it has been very rare that these rooms have been in "double occupancy". This is primarily due to the demographics of the population - the country is getting older and people are staying in their own homes longer. 25 years ago it was common to have men and women in their 70's and 80s, now almost everybody is in their nineties with a couple over one hundred. As there is still a gap between the life expectancies of men and women (although this is predicted to close) hence almost all residents are ladies - hence little demand for twin rooms.

May I make a suggestion? My mother cared for her own father and mother in our care home when they could no loger cope - my grandmother had alzheimers but my grandfather did not. They had separate rooms but basically spent all day together in the communal areas. This arrangment worked fine for the years they lived there - my grandfather was happy to have his own space to watch telly, read the paper etc without having to watch out for (or frankly be irritated by) my grandmother.

The bigger problem is likely to be finding a suitable care home that is prepapred to take someone with your mother's needs, but is also ok for your father. I am biassed but I would recommend a family run home rather than one of these huge new purpose built places which I find souless and depressing (but they are very good at marketing themselves!). However, the big places can cope better sometimes with more advanced needs - for example they may have a residential care wing and a nursing care / alzheimers section etc.

With regards to fees, the state in Dorset usually pays circa £450 per week for residential care so this provides a base line for private sector care home fees. Hence normal residential care place in Dorset (no particualar special needs) ranges from about £500pw to about £750k depending on the facilities, area etc. Nursing/specialised care usually starts about £800pw and goes up to £1,200.

So assuming that your father and mother go into a normal residential care home, they are looking at about £55k-£65k per annum. Obviously it is impossible to make judgements about life expectancy but if you assumed that they spent 4 years in home each, the total cost would be £220k+.

Now we enter the moral dilemas etc which are very much in the public domain at present. Your parents clearly have significant personal resources to pay for their own care - in all likelihood they have sufficient resources to pay for their total care needs.

Local authorities are investigating possible deprivation of assets much more closely these days. You mentioned in an earlier post that when you were considering spending money from the sale of your parents home to finish building works that this was merely getting money earlier that you would be "entitled to" anyway in the long run. I am sure this was just a slip of the keyboard, but this is not the case. Of course you parents have no doubt worked hard and paid their taxes over the years so families are frustrated about having to pay care costs. But what's the alternative? If families "hide the assets", then every other hard working taxpayer in the UK has to pick up the bill - for someone else's parents. So the situation is far from ideal, but in most cases the largest proportion of the value of a resident's estate comes from their home, and a very large proportion of this is as a result of house price rises above inflation over the decades - i.e. it is "unearned and untaxed" wealth. Hence, as the best of a bad job, it seems best to use this unearned wealth to pay for care rather than everyone else's taxes.

Back to your original idea about renting the house out, the question is whether the rental income after costs, reprairs & renewals etc (+ the hassle of doing it) is greater than the return from investing the sales proceeds (you can get 3% at present for term deposits).

In the case of my grandparents, I invested their money in a variety of different accounts - some on demand, some short notice and some fixed income term bonds.

tbs624

OP - you mention that you intednded to discuss financial implications with the "family solicitor". You may want to consider specifically seeking out a solcitor who is a STEP member (Society of Trust & Estate Practitioners) if the family solicitor is not. link

moomaa

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I would echo earlier posters who say to take each day as it comes, for at least the next couple of weeks.

My Dad cancelled all the SS care that was coming in each day. SS were very good to their credit and met with him to coax out why. He didn't want people coming in every day as it felt intrusive, he didn't like different people all the time and many he felt were disinterested and disrespectful. They arranged for an older female staff member to come for a full day once a week. They were given assurance it would be the same person every time, and if they didn't get on they could change her. She is company for mum so dad can go out and does ironing and other jobs dad needs doing. They have formed a relationship and this is working well, the lady now does 2 days a week. See if your dad would consider any other arrangement.

My dad also didn't want to pay any money towards care/cleaning etc - I encouraged him to see that the DLA he got for mum was for just this kind of thing and then he was ok with it.

Dad also got a cleaner, which has made a world of difference. Their home no longer feels like an old person's home IYKWIM. The cleaner is the daughter of a family friend. Is there anyone your dad knows that could go in?

motherofstudents

I really feel for you in the situation you find yourself in. You have had some good suggestions and I do hope things will work out for the best. Remember to look after your own health as all the stress and worry can take its toll, apart from physically looking after someone.

My dad had some carers who remained friends with my mum after he died and in fact 3 came to mum's funeral last year which I found very touching. It's unfortunate that your dad doesn't want to have the help that is being offered. I hope he recovers well. It's an awful time when both parents are ill.

Please do keep updating, I'm sure there are many people in your situation who will be helped by your experience, and maybe it will help you too by being able to write it all down.