Not mentioning the T word at all

rising_from_the_ashes

Can someone please find my mo-jo please, it's missing!:eek:

Failing that - a good kick up the butt is obviously needed;)

Honestly, I've let things slide so much the past few weeks (since I lost the dog:() - the house is a tip (even more so than usual as I'm not the tidiest person to start with) & needs a good clean top to bottom - the household filing is piling up (and hate the thought of being behind with that at the start of the year) - as is the ironing - and the washing to be put away - and I really need to do a stock take of the cupboards.

Really p'd off at myself as due to medical "issues" it's just so hard to stay on top of things and even more difficult to try to catch up if I fall behind.

I do have a list (of sorts) but it's now so long it's just so daunting I don't know where to start......


Still to catch up as haven't even been reading/posting as much as normal:o so meantime (((hugs))) for those that need one and hope everyone had a lovely Christmas

ETA: Think I should maybe add "survived" Christmas if Spendless' day is anything to go by! Ohhhhhhh hun

Spendless

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Can someone please find my mo-jo please, it's missing!:eek:

Failing that - a good kick up the butt is obviously needed;)

Honestly, I've let things slide so much the past few weeks (since I lost the dog:() - the house is a tip (even more so than usual as I'm not the tidiest person to start with) & needs a good clean top to bottom - the household filing is piling up (and hate the thought of being behind with that at the start of the year) - as is the ironing - and the washing to be put away - and I really need to do a stock take of the cupboards.

Really p'd off at myself as due to medical "issues" it's just so hard to stay on top of things and even more difficult to try to catch up if I fall behind.

I do have a list (of sorts) but it's now so long it's just so daunting I don't know where to start......


Still to catch up as haven't even been reading/posting as much as normal:o so meantime (((hugs))) for those that need one and hope everyone had a lovely Christmas

ETA: Think I should maybe add "survived" Christmas if Spendless' day is anything to go by! Ohhhhhhh hun

I went for the train into town to go shopping. They've been cancelled. My car has no petrol and by the time I'd put some in and got into town the hoardes would have turned up. Bus fares cost over £4 from here:eek: and are Sunday service today. Mr S informs me that he spent £20 last night on family tree stuff BUT he doesn't get paid till NYE, my last wages were paid earlier this month. The cheques *might* have cleared by now but the whole popint of the extra dosh was so we could clear debts and budget and not go o/drawn each month or put stuff on credit cards and he doesn't 'get' why I'm annoyed even though I told him the other day about the 'dire' situation of our current account. :mad: Checking bank accounts I've had to take the £20 out of savings otherwise we'd have incurred charges as some DDs are due to go out between tomorrow and payday.

My house is currently same and I find myself itching for jan 3rd when things return to normal so I can start tackling it.

prepareathome

Oh spendlass, someone with dementia is very, very hard to deal with - my MIL kept it well hidden until one day she phoned and demanded to know why my husband was having his bills sent to her and not paying them as they were all red ones. We just knew something was wrong then and hubby dropped me at hers on way to work where I found, that she had never changed the bills into her name after her husbands death and ask her hubby and her son both had same initial the bills did indeed look as if they could have been for her son. I spent that first morning calling everyone (| electric, phone, water, ct etc ) saying she was ill and we would be paying the bills straight away. She spent the whole morning telling me there was nothing wrong with her and if her son would just have his bills sent to his own home and paid them all would be well. I eventually got her to sign cheques by making out we were broke and really needed her help to pay our bills oh boy did I get a dressing down on being a terrible manager and how her son should never have married me, but I kept quiet (I didn't know what was wrong with her then but as her sister had passed from dementia 4 years previously and her mum had, had it it did cross my mind, especially when i found notes all over the flat). You were lucky you nan went to the doctors I had a fight and a half as she declared there was nothing wrong with her - although she had a very badly swollen right leg, and it took me 3 days of calls begging for help before at 3am on the 4th night that a doctor came out and after putting her through a mental test said he felt it was maybe dementia but it could also be a water infection and the infection ( cellulitis ) in her leg making her like that and she needed to be in hospital as leg was very very bad. She turned 3 ambulances away before we got her into hospital, once in she was fine and on a drip very ill for two weeks. She honestly never felt her leg was sore or felt she was ill - this is why I am mentioning this as dementia seems to affect the perception of pain and illness. While there she was assesses and they sent her for a CAT scan and it was confirmed, her brain had shrunk ( they were lucky they had one to compare to as 10 years before she had a fall and they were worried about brain damage.

We got a power of attorney and had to fight to keep her in her own home for another year, social services wanted her in a home and she wanted to stay in her own home, and so with me going daily to feed her and wash her clothes we kept her there, but then she started not wanting to wash or change her clothes and she decided I was a rival to her love, she thought my husband was her husband and she actually attacked me a couple of time ( and boy was she strong) that we had to accept she had to go into a home, even there a couple of time nurses had to drag her off me, so I had to stop going. it would have been funny if it was not so sad her turning round and calling me a scarlet woman, who had not morales trying to take a good married man from his wife. Poor hubby could never deal with it and when she gushed at him like a young girl talking to her bo, he would walk out of the room, then it would be my fault for that, yet other times she was fine, knew him, me the grandchildren and great grandchildren. Sadly she took a very aggressive form of breast cancer and died just 6 weeks after her nipple inverted ( home used to bath her and had to check her body as she took no notice of anything). She passed in 2009. The thing I am thankful for is before she slipped into the final coma that lasted 3 days she knew my husband for who he was and me, so he was left knowing his mum knew him. Getting violent is not that common, it came due to her total confusion, she thinking she was a young girl with her lover, yet part of her knowing this was not so, so she lashed out and always at me yet we always had, had a brilliant relationship, I always said how lucky I was with my mum in law, so now I remember how she was before a wonderful woman.

So although I know dementia can come in to many guises to mention keep an eye on her body. health, and finances. Try not to be to hurt by your nans behaviour, its not her fault. You will find if she cannot remember what she has done she will make up something and totally believe it at the time, but later will deny it and make you out as if you are a fool for saying such a thing, its amazing how devious the dementia makes a person, she is not deliberately setting out to hurt you or lie to you. She might have wanted to go home because she found she could not remember you all and why she was there, so home seemed the safest place to be. Its hard I know, you shed many tears for the person you have in body but not in mind so much of the time. Just keep in your mind, the nan you know is not doing these things, its the condition, affecting her mind, she is still there but hidden and will pop out from time to time. Hugs to you and your family

prepareathome

I guess I was very lucky, my kids knew they had to wake us before going down to open presents, so we could watch and take photos. They did have stockings crammed full to open when they woke up ( I always put a mince pie on the top and tangerine at bottom which they never ate but had fun making a mess with ) and although the boys ,especially youngest would go on a present hunt they would not open them as far as I know - the main house we lived in when they were all young had the airing cupboard in the hall upstairs so I put a small padlock on it when I started to hide presents in there and kept the key on me at all times.

Yesterday I had my friends I always have over on Boxing Day and thankfully went ok, they went home totally stuffed, which is always my aim and apart from some cakes, biscuits and deserts there were no leftovers. All proper food was eaten. I cooked some beef and a quiche for today, yesterday and its in the fridge, so when hubby gets up - he stayed up half the night on pc then was at work this morning ( as he was yesterday as Sundays and Christmas Day the only day papers not delivered) so came home and went back to bed, he can just help himself to what he wants. Today has been payback day ( medical) and I was still in bed after 3pm eeks when son and his family popped round on their way to the shops ( totally out of their way, but they had been to Ikea and picked up some Kilner jars as they know I am collecting them in readiness for I hope plenty of things to preserve from garden next year and they found just three 0.5 ltr ones in the sale, and they would not take the money for them from me. Table still had some plates with biscuits and cakes on it as was to tired last night to fully clean up so just covered them, but luckily rest of the place was tidy as was kitchen.

I am starting to feel more human again after my long sleep and meds so will get last of house tidy and have a look at what we need to buy tomorrow, apart from milk I don't think we need anything till next year ( oh that does sound good, wish I could say that in July). No energy to go to sales but might have a look on-line, but thankfully at this moment not in need of anything. Would like so new trousers would like to lose so weight first also.

Hope everyone is having a restful day or has found some good bargains in the sales

Spendless

prepareathome wrote: »

- my MIL kept it well hidden until one day she phoned and . You were lucky you nan went to the doctors I had a fight and a half as she declared there was nothing wrong with her.

So although I know dementia can come in to many guises to mention keep an eye on her body. health, and finances. Try not to be to hurt by your nans behaviour, its not her fault. You will find if she cannot remember what she has done she will make up something and totally believe it at the time, but later will deny it and make you out as if you are a fool for saying such a thing, its amazing how devious the dementia makes a person, she is not deliberately setting out to hurt you or lie to you. She might have wanted to go home because she found she could not remember you all and why she was there, so home seemed the safest place to be. Its hard I know, you shed many tears for the person you have in body but not in mind so much of the time. Just keep in your mind, the nan you know is not doing these things, its the condition, affecting her mind, she is still there but hidden and will pop out from time to time. Hugs to you and your family

Luck didn't come into it. Playing at being just as devious back did. Part of her 'stories' she imagines 1 of the drs talks to her. so my mum having rung her surgery and told them what was happening just played into it, told my nan the Dr had rang her too all about it and got her to the surgery under the 'pretence' of having some blood tests and blood pressure checked (she was due those anyway). When she worsened over a few days mum rang the GPs again and they sent someone out from the hospital, meanwhile I'd had a spare doorkey cut when she was in a 'lucid' moment so Mum and Dr let themselves in and she was visited at home. She's due a repeat visit on Thursday.

With the benefit of a couple of days and some sleep I can see it was her illness and not her talking Christmas day, of course that's not how you feel when you are being accussed of playing music to hypnotise her when there's nothing playing and your 8yo is sobbing into her Christmas dinner and your 11yo is sat on the sofa with his head in his hands. Me and mum have visited today but she 'kicked off' again accussing us of making symbols to each other via the fire??!! Anyhow I really think she'll be in hospital for 2012 and she needs to be, she's becoming a danger to herself.

But thank you and the others for the hugs and sharing the experience. :A I have a feeling I'll be venting my frustrations on here for a while.

In other news I did go shopping earlier and picked up a couple of 50% off items including a toiletry bag for my nephew. My sister has boy/girl twins and I find them a nightmare to buy for, needing something similar but different. Boys are sooo hard to buy for once they outgrow Postman Pat and before they grow into lynx!

The turkey is finished via tonights curry.

prepareathome

[QUOTE=Spendless;49657397
Anyhow I really think she'll be in hospital for 2012 and she needs to be, she's becoming a danger to herself.
[/QUOTE]


Its not hospital she will need but a home that can look after her, as hospital is actually to dangerous a place for someone with dementia, the few times MIL was in with the cellulitis were a nightmare, as she would remove the drip and go wandering off, eventually as the second time they had 6 patients with dementia in at same time and ward was made up with those sub-wards with 6 beds in each, they actually moved all those with dementia into one of them, men and woman and had a security guard sit just outside ward to ensure none of them went wandering. I know some places have alarms on the doors so if anyone goes out that shouldn't alarm goes off ( there was one on the unit dad was in before he died in the summer, as it was a unit especially for elderly and so there was a mix of conditions, like one woman who didn't have dementia but her stroke had left her confused and she was forever getting herself to the door to go home, dad was mentally fine right till the end but totally bed bound so never affected him).

If you nan owns her own home, you will have to watch out as SS will do all they can to get you to sell it to pay for her keep. You have to watch them every step of the way - for MIL her pension plus DLA ( forget what its called for those over 65) were enough to pay her fees with some money left over and she was in a BUPA home ( we chose the home for her) and it was hubby that had to grantee he paid the fees not social services. We were lucky we had got a power of attorney before she got to bad, as SS wanted to get one and they would have sold her flat to pay the fees when it was not necessary. I know of people who didn't know the rules and social services walked off with every penny their family member had plus their home which was wrong, so take advice as its a minefield of regulations and policies are forever changing. Once MIL had the breast cancer and needed full nursing and so was moved to the nursing home part of the Bupa Home, the NHS then paid for her care so we didn't have to pay ( although the home billed us, thinking we would pay and not realise they had been paid by NHS, so you really need to be on top as basically it seems once your loved one has to be in a home, authorities no matter who ( SS, the home etc) will try and get as much money out of you as they can. Home even after she passed sent a bill for Chiropodist who normally came ever 6 weeks on a Thursday and should have seen her just before she passed, but she was in a deep coma then and we spent day with her and never even came near but they tried it on by billing us.

When you chose a home check carefully what is included in the fees and what extras you have to pay - hairdresser, chiropodist, manicures, clothes, washing/drying etc, the list can go on and on - one home we looked at fees only covered bed and board and billed you monthly for the food they ate - their word what they ate and spoke to some family members of people there who said average food bill was about £150 a week - for someone who had bad dementia and ate like a bird - so they were staying there every day for a week just to see what was eaten. It took us about 3 months to find a good home, and although yes it was good was still not perfect but we made the right choice and she loved it there and made some good friends. Did find the Bupa Homes did have more freedom for the guests ( as they called them) compared to council run homes ( horrible they were most of them, like jails) and other private homes. Some homes do not allow children to visit, others don't allow pets, where as in some pets can move in with the guest. Some have activities organised every day for those able to do take part and outings. Also no every home will take those suffering from dementia as they do need a bit more care - mainly to stop them wandering off. Some homes guests have to share a room with a stranger - something we knew MIL would hate, she had been a widow since 1976 and had not shared a room with anyone since then.

If it comes to it and she has to go into a home and I can help in anyway just ask, I know regulations are forever changing but might still have something useful to input. Just do not let SS take over, if so you will have no rights over your Nan or her belongings at all, right down as horrible as it is to mention now her funeral ( we met a few people who had let SS take over and SS were the ones that had the legal right to do this, if my hubby had, had his way he would have let SS take over as he is type of person would always rather someone else did everything - hence me wanting to throw him a few times over the years

Sending you my love and lots of hugs

scottishminnie

Ladies, just popping in very briefly (I know that's a first for me:D) to say Happy New Year when it arrives and I really hope 2012 brings better news and fortune for all on here. Not sure if many of you are partying but have a good evening whatever you are up to. _party_

flowertotmum

Hi all..just a quickie to say Happy New Year to you all...i wish you joy,peace,prosperity and love for 2012.
Lots to tell you when i get chance..very busy here at flowertot central
love
ftm

Mrs_Veg_Plot

Hi all

Life has taken over so Ihave not been on here for a few weeks. I just wanted to wish you all a happy new year and to thank you all for the support you have given me over the last year.

Mrs VP

Kimsmum

Just popping in to say Happy New Year everyone.

I do hope 2012 is a better year for everyone.

I do read all the posts on this thread but never post as I feel I never have much to say.

Postive thoughts and hugs to all you need them