Adoption vs own pregnancy

bodge76

heretolearn wrote: »

So you miss that baby stage. I think you should be asking her 'why does she want to adopt instead of having biological babies?'. It might just be a pregnancy/birth phobia rather than any higher motives!

Also - if she is thinking of adopting babies, would it be right to take that rare opportunity away from a couple who CANT have a baby any other way? Or is she thinking of adopting older children? Again, I wouldn't deliberately deny myself the baby stage.

Many reasons I guess: to miss that baby stage (she finds babies boring), the thought of being pregnant/in labour, she feels they restrict your life and for the 'higher motives'.

She's not that fond of kids until they get to their teens. Altho, she does get on well with all my nephews!

Plans_all_plans

Children restrict your life until they leave home!

must_try_harder_2

So she has a lot more, and probably better, reasons to want to adopt than you do for not adopting.

Gillyx

I don't think you'l have much success with adopting either, if her attitude is "she's not fond of kids until they get to their teens" or that children "restrict your life"

From what I'm aware they go through everything about your life, and I mean everything before allowing you to adopt.

onlyroz

Regarding adoption, I understand that if you get approved at all, the chances are you won't be able to adopt a baby (a toddler or young child is more likely), and the child might not necessarily be the same race as you. Whether these restrictions are important to you is a matter of personal preference.

For me, if it came down to a choice between fertility treatment, adoption or having no children, I'd take the no children option.

an9i77

I was able to have my own child, but I wouldn't have gone down the adoption route unless I'd not been able to have my own child. Despite the fact that I have a medical condition which makes pregnancy difficult (diabetes) so I had a tricky 9 months, I wanted a child from the day it was born. It's not so much about it being genetically mine, but I wouldn't want to get an older baby or child as I believe the first few months and years are critically important in psychological development and I wouldn't want to adopt a baby with lots of attachment issues for example, as I had a difficult childhood myself so that would be really hard for me. I wanted to make sure my baby has lots of love and grows up secure. With an adopted child, unless you really are adopting from the very beginning (very rare) there's no telling what the child has gone through and more often than not they will not have come from a secure and loving home. Whilst some people very nobly are motivated to give these children a fresh start in a loving home, I would find it very difficult. So I really wouldn't have considered adoption unless it was a last resort.

nottslass_2

I think that there is a world of difference in adopting a cute baby and adopting an older child who has had a traumatic start in life coupled with suffering the trauma of rejection and abandonment.

In reality,there are very few "babies" that come up for adoption in the uk each year and there is no shortage of potential parents waiting for the opportunity to adopt them.

The children that need loving "forever homes" are usually older,have disabilities or are sibling groups and I think that to be able to provide the unconditional love as a parent under these circumstances would be something that I certainly couldn't do...........


I was adopted (as a 6 week old) and I've lost count of the times people have commented on "how wonderfull" my parents must be to have done such a wonderful thing - my mum used to quickly point out that "They were actuallythe lucky ones".

Amara

My and DH miscarried twice, I'm still young enough to have child (I'm nearly 35), so keep trying. I'm not very maternal person and never really wanted them until I met DH . Then I started to want a baby together, OUR baby. I wouldn't adopt, I don't think I'd be albe to love adopted one like my own.

fly_dragon_fly

Going through the struggles of concieving and having one children already who i concieved 7 years ago i would love to adopt but finacally i could afford a child if we had one but the outline cost of adopting is what i can't afford.

So i shall continue to wish and be grateful for what i have.

Jessikita1983

I will probably get slated for being so honest, but so be it.

I am struggling to have my own child with my Husband due to his low sperm count. (He had a vasectomy reversal for me). If we cannot have a biological child of our own, I don't think I would want to adopt.

I could love a child that wasn't mine, but I would be upset and hurt if and when they are 18 they found their biological Mother/Father. Rightly or wrongly I would feel left out and hurt, despite trying to be mature and accepting, that is deep down how I would feel.

Also the daunting process puts me off. So many unwanted children, or being dragged up by parents who don't care, and my whole life would have to be scrutinised and looked at under a microscope!