Adoption vs own pregnancy

RazWaz

I'm not sure about adoption yet, but I know I'll most likely apply to be a foster carer when I'm a little older (only 4 months over the legal age limit to apply at the moment).

If I did adopt, I'd have the same view as bargainbetty, an adopted child is just as much your own child as any you gave birth to, which is why it's such a big commitment. The one thing putting me off is that I know a large number of adoptions break down, which must be devastating to both parties and I'm not sure I could put myself and a child through that.

laulau1

We have adopted twice now. I suppose we did sort of choose to adopt, we couldnt fall pregnant naturally but decided not to go down the route of IVF/implantation etc. However we did try to have a baby first, so if that had worked and i had fallen pregnant we would never have considered adoption. That was probably because i knew nothing about it.
I have no birth children, so can't compare whether it is as rewarding. I love my boys to bits, but it has been very hard work. Parenting an adopted child is completely different(my husband has 3 birth children), but they are just my children at the end of the day.

CompBunny

I would love to adopt one day, but can't imagine ever meeting the criteria! Long story, but I don't think it would ever be an option for me.

I believe that society has a duty to protect children, but also a duty to do our very best to ensure that as many children as possible are raised in loving families. I have so much respect for people that adopt, and foster too of course. A family friend adopted a brother and sister aged 3 and 6 at the time, both with Downs Syndrome. They make a lovely family, Mum&Dad said they can be hard work but they wouldn't change their kids for the world!

bodge76

Lots of pro-adoption posts as I expected from such a thread. I must say it is heart-warming/reassuring that there are so many people out there who would like to give a child a new home etc.

The reason I asked was my DW and I are talking about the future, whether to have a family or not and I wondered if my feelings on biological v adoption were unusual/weird.
DW isn't certain (and from what I hear she's putting it mildly) that she wants biological children but seems to favour adoption. I've always known I'd want biological children. When DW asks why rather than adopt I find it difficult to put into words, other than 'something I've always wanted' and 'instinct'.
(yes, we did discuss the subject pre-marriage but DW seems to have changed her mind - she's less certain at the very least)


If for some reason we were unable to have biological children, I'd be only to eager to persue the adoption route. I'm sure I'd be I'd love them as my own and would do everything I could to make sure they were safe, secure, loved and happy. Just telling DW I'd choose biological over adoption may well rule out adoption in even this case!

Plans_all_plans

Even though we can have our own children, I would like to adopt very much. Unfortunately, my husband is not so keen.

The reason I would like to adopt is because there are so many children who need good and loving parents, who otherwise end up in the care system, often (but not always) being moved from pillar to post. I have seen it happeneing and I think it's a crime the way some children in care are treated. Once children reach 5, there is almost no hope of them being adopted.

I know 2 couples who've adopted 2 children (siblings) each and one single woman whose adopted a single child. One couple are not infertile, the other are and the single woman just hasn't met the right man.

If I couldn't conceive naturally, then adoption would be our only option as I have moral objections to IVF.

I believe it would be as rewarding to adopt as it would be to give birth yourself, if not more so, because hopefully you will be able to see the children coming on from when they came to you.

heretolearn_2

I wouldn't adopt if I could have biological children. Why would you want to? Maybe as well as, but not instead of. OK, there's the 'giving a child a home' satisfaction, but it's not like rescuing a puppy! Adoption is great, don't get me wrong.

Horses for courses, but I think it's perfectly natural to want your own biological children in preference to adoption, if that is possible. For a start, you aren't going to get that newborn, it takes months if not years even for healthy wanted babies to be finally placed with adoptive parents. There's nothing wrong with wanting children who share the family look and characteristics. So you miss that baby stage. I think you should be asking her 'why does she want to adopt instead of having biological babies?'. It might just be a pregnancy/birth phobia rather than any higher motives!

Also - if she is thinking of adopting babies, would it be right to take that rare opportunity away from a couple who CANT have a baby any other way? Or is she thinking of adopting older children? Again, I wouldn't deliberately deny myself the baby stage.

flutterby_lil

bodge76 wrote: »

But would you ever consider adopting rather than having your own? Even if you were able to have your own children (as a conscious choice)?

I don't suppose I would, but that is not a bridge I have had to cross as I am lucky enough to have a DS, DSD and one on the way. I can't really comment as I am not in that situation. But as I have had my own and not adopted I suppose the answer is no. But is is like saying "would you rather be blind or deaf?" in my eyes.

mum26

If I had started my family differently then I think I would have given adoption a lot of consideration. We have relatives with adopted children and the bond with them and their place in the family is no different than if they had been physically born into it imo. I would almost certainly have gone down the adoption route if we had had fertility problems, in preference to fertility treatments etc.

Jesswithwings

My brother and his wife are adopting instead of having biological children. They already foster a teenager and neither of them are really baby people so adoption is a very obivous choice for them.

I wanted to have biological children, and I'm glad I did but now I would like to have baby number 4, but as the last pregnancy I had nearly killed me (ectopic that ruptured and I fell unconscious and ended up with being blue-lighted to hospital and an emergency op..) I'm very scared of being pregnant again and i know DH feels the same. Lately I have been thinking about adopting but I don't know if DH would be happy.... I think that I might see if we can foster a child though as I learned today the ammount of children who are in need of foster carers compared to the amount of carers available. My friend is a FC and has 2 children who they doubt will ever be adopted as they are "too old" at the ripe old age of 6 and 7
My heart breaks for those children.

money_honey

Personally adoption is something that DH and I always said we would do if we couldn't conceive, rather than going down the route of IVF etc. As it turned out we have conceived 2 children so it was never a big issue with us in the end.

I do think that adoption is a really good thing though, although there seems to be a huge amount of red tape that puts some potential adopters off. 3 of my cousins are adopted and I know with the youngest it took a lot of time and fighting for my relatives to be able to adopt him, but if they hadn't he would have probably ended up being passed around different foster homes (they were originally fostering him before deciding to adopt) and he is such a happy little boy now it has been worth all the time and effort they put into it.