Not sure what I'm doing but here goes!

Knitting_Nora

Hi Shower of Roses

I know it's really hard to deal with your own debt - especially if you're in a position where you feel guilty at the level and how it came about; and where you feel unable to speak to close friends and family about it. But I've signed onto MSE (my first ever forum...argh!), mainly so I could let you know how inspired I've been by your story, and to wish you luck.

You've prompted me to stop procrastinating about my own debt, and to start dealing with it bit by bit (starting with the very large Next Directory bill which I've just paid off this evening rather than frittering some money I'd been saving).

So anyway, when you're really feeling overwhelmed, just remember that you've literally helped to change someone's life today and you should feel a bit smug (it's free!). Plus, you sound like a genius in the kitchen - why not get the kids involved in putting stuff together. It may be a way to get them to be more supportive of what you're doing, plus you'll be teaching them one of the most useful skills in the world. If your eldest is old enough, maybe he could even help/take over cooking one night a week?

All the best.

Knitting_Nora

Morning Shower (oooo, how informal I'm becoming!)

I don't think you're a fraud at all - you know pretty much what you've spent, and what on...and if you're anything like me, then that's half the battle so well done. No point slapping yourself for spending the money - it's done. Much more interesting to consider what you might do in that situation next time - it becomes a bit of a game then, and you'll have plenty of opportunities to try out your ideas!

Remember that if you cut out all the fun stuff, it'll be that much more difficult to stick to the lifestyle change you've chosen. It's brilliant that you've taken such control of your life, so now it's about finding different ways to have fun etc. and not judging yourself too harshing along the way.

I don't have kids, so I'm always a bit nervous of commenting on the parenting of others (to me, if you get them to adulthood then you're amazing), but it sounds like you're already doing a good job of teaching your eldest daughter about being responsible with her money - who cares if it involved chips?! On that, have you seen the MSE campaign for getting financial education into schools? What a brilliant idea - and if it's supported by coaching and practical application at home as well, then our... *remembers she doesn't have kids*... your kids will be much firmer footed with their money than we've been.

Does your mum know about your changing attitude? If so, then why not suggest to her that you make a mum/daughter date once a month (or whatever) which you can both save for?

As for the church flowers - how does that work? Do you have to pay for them out of your own pocket if there are no donations?

And yes, I knit (strictly the easy stuff!). It's kept me sane and away from the shops over the last few weeks (I'm a total emotional spender), and though the wool can be a little expensive up front, I'm becoming the mistress of hand crafted gifts for Christmas and birthdays as a way to reduce my traditional overspend on such events. Happy to offer tips where I can - or signpost to others where I can't!

Knitting_Nora

I'm plucking up the courage to set up a Facebook page for my knitting, and the painted glass and other crafty bits I do - lots of simple bits that others could easily emulate....will share the details when I'm done.

On the ebay side - I've never been a great fan because of all the fees involved; but recently I decided to give it all a try on some things which I would previously have sent to charity, or left in the wardrobe (it's nice to have things which make it look pretty....). There were a couple of bits which went for less than I'd have liked - but there were also some bits which went for far more than I could have imagined. And since I didn't really need or want any of it, and I would have previously given it away for free, I was really pleased with the end result. So don't give up on ebay - just manage your expectations on what everything might make. You can always set a reserve.

Of course, what I haven't said is that it took me around three months to work up the motivation to tackle ebay - had to do it in stages (photos, set up the account etc)...and the final listing activity took several cups of tea and a large bar of chocolate....

On the flowers - seems a little mean for you to have to carry the cost when you're already giving up your time (I assume?), but that may be me being judgemental. So instead, let's be constructive....why not think about making some fake flowers?

I've seen some really good paper examples on the internet, and supplies needn't be expensive if you know where to look. It would mean a one-off outlay - and perhaps there could be a mini-campaign run at the church to raise funds for it. If there are lots of children within the congregation, or an affiliated school, then even better - knock up a simple instruction guide to making flowers from tissue paper etc, and delegate it (and the cost) to the congregation for their kids/the school to do. Go for lovely bright flowers and you won't go far wrong... If it sounds like a plan, then shout and I'll dig out some of those internet sites.

Right, I'm off to check out what's in the freezer for dinner (I'm taking your lead and working my way through it....does vodka count as a meal??).

Knitting_Nora

Ok *offers cup of tea*. First up, a small but important point - you've undertaken a big challenge here...you aren't just committed to being DF, but also to being the best mum you can be, and raising well-rounded and sociable human beings.

There are days when I bet it seems too much - but that's when you need to remember that you took control to eventually have less of those days and more of the twinkly ones, just like you produced yesterday evening with the kids. Taking control of your own life is not as easy, or as common as you might think, and I know I'm not the only one around here who is really impressed with what you're doing. So try not to be so hard on yourself.

Just a thought, but what would happen if you started thinking of things as learning curves rather than 'failures'? Just seeing the word makes me glum on your behalf, so I bet it's actively got off the page and is beating you around the room right now - and you don't deserve it.

Massive sympathy about the card - I had mine declined in the middle of Tescos last Christmas (Christmas Eve to be exact - I know!) with loads of people around, several of whom whipped up enough Christmas spirit to mutter about people who don't have any idea of their spending limits. Slight aside, but is it wrong to wish explosive diarrhoea on other people??

On the £10 challenge and ebay - be honest, what's the worst that can happen as a result of you not managing to do those yesterday?

You can list on ebay whenever you like - so do it a lot per day if that helps (bite-sized chunks - so much easier than the whole elephant!). Or maybe one of your kids could help out?

On the food side, not sure what to suggest (though my fall-back filler is soup with rice added to bulk it up and stretch it out) - suspect others on the forum will be more useful for the immediate challenge. I tend to hit a similar problem towards the end of the month, so I've decided to make bigger batches of meals and freeze some for the end of the month in readiness.

And yes, it's nearly Christmas! *skips around the house* I'm a complete Santa's elf....can you tell??

Knitting_Nora

Lol - I now have this image of you just sitting there at the computer chuckling away....admit it, you're scaring the kids aren't you?!

Congrats on all the good stuff - and for playing it your own way. It's got to be about what works for each of us I think.

Lemon_Tree

sounds like you're doing the right things to survive everything at the moment.
To be honest i think the challenge/ thread you need to look at is the Small things thread, it's on the main DF board and helps us all see how every little thing we do all builds up to help us on this journey.
I don't know if you're found it online but theres lots of places where you can get lots of free patterns. I think i've got some from Patterns Central before now that were lovely.

silkglade

Hi, just wanted to say well done to you for keeping on top of it all and staying focused to.

I think you are making a wonderful start.

xxx

mildredalien

Those meals sound lovely and very MSE! I know what you mean, I make a huge pan of food for me and the OH, thinking it will give us at LEAST 4 portions.... 30 minutes later and I'm lucky if I can find a spoonful!!

I agree with Lemon Tree, every little bit helps

Lemon_Tree

I've started dishing up the 'leftoevers' into containers before i dish up dinners that way we're likely to get at least one extra portion from a meal.

Lemon_Tree

hope your DD is smiling soon and gets a rest over the weekend. glad you're starting to enjoy cooking, i like it if i'm doing it on my terms but when i get more freezer room back i'll be back to batch baking and then freezing for mid week which is my weak zone.