going away with Ex, so son can see my family

Hagar_uk

I am in a bit of a moral dilema.

I am seperated from my ex for 5 months, and have a 15 month old son. Me an ex have got on quite well, but things have gone down hill, mainly due to text arguements that have got out of hand.

We had planned a few months ago to go go abroad in late october, so I could see my family and show my son his family. This was something she wanted to do as well as me, as she is close to some of my family

A few weeks back we had nasty arguement on text and now she says she does not want to go, but I could go with my son, but as she is breast feeding it would be cruel and she said that as well, I said I would try instead to take my son next year when hopefully he was fully weaned.

All the tickets have been paid for, time of work booked, and familly have planned around it. look back I realised maybe I have been manipulated a bit, as it is me that

My Ex and I have been away before, with no issues and have been friendly which I think has been great for my son. so there would be no issues during the week away

Anyway, plans changed for next year. however I have since found out my company is merging, and my job is at risk, I work in an industry which is shrinking ,and getting another job quickly at anything near the pay would be near impossible

If I do not take the the chance to see my family in October, and I lose my job, i fear I will be some time before I can afford to go , and chances are neither me or my son will see my grand mother as she is old and on her way out, and wants to see my son, And I will never forgive my ex if that happens

If I go, my sons breastfeeding will stop quickly and I will feel guilty for that. The all round best solution would be if the ex changed her mind again, but she is as subborn as me lol.

So what do I do?, I even offered that she goes out alone or with someone else on my ticket so my son can meet his great grandma and get pictures etc.

scheming_gypsy

Hagar_uk wrote: »

So what do I do?,.

You text her, apologise for being out of order and ask if you can meet up for a coffee and be friends again. Then you both go on the trip; it's only the 10th October, far too early to be messing about thinking about this that and the other.
Simple fact is; whether you were right or wrong, she's a bird so you're always going to be wrong. Just apologise and get the trip out of the way; plus, you've got a kid together so there's no point falling out with each other.

POPPYOSCAR

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

You text her, apologise for being out of order and ask if you can meet up for a coffee and be friends again. Then you both go on the trip; it's only the 10th October, far too early to be messing about thinking about this that and the other.
Simple fact is; whether you were right or wrong, she's a bird so you're always going to be wrong. Just apologise and get the trip out of the way; plus, you've got a kid together so there's no point falling out with each other.

Yes I agree with this.

If it means as much as you say it does, then swallow your pride and do as above.

Good luck.

Brighton_belle

Also, please please please stop communicating these sort of issues by text: it is full of pitfalls, as has been proven. If you have to use it, only ever do so to confirm practical arrangements, or say nice things. It is a blunt souless way to communicate things that carry a lot of tricky emotions on both sides in relationships with some fallout history.

I hope you are able to sort this out. I think an apology and extra niceness would help, even if she was part of the problem.

Oldernotwiser

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Also, please please please stop communicating these sort of issues by text: it is full of pitfalls, as has been proven. If you have to use it, only ever do so to confirm practical arrangements, or say nice things. It is a blunt souless way to communicate things that carry a lot of tricky emotions on both sides in relationships with some fallout history.

I hope you are able to sort this out. I think an apology and extra niceness would help, even if she was part of the problem.

This^^^^

Texts can be great for confirming arrangements but they're no way to conduct a relationship.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

For what it's worth, all the childcare issues between myself and the ex are conducted sitting on my front garden wall with a mug of coffee each and him smoking a rollup whilst the cats wander around.

It's working rather well, I must say.

Email and text were awful and telephone contact was a complete non starter - but since the garden wall ceasefire was adopted, even telephone calls have been civil.

Hagar_uk

I have tried to aplogise, but she is having none of it this time, mainly as I think I stood up for my self more this time, instead of always taking the blame.,,,bad mistake!

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

You text her, apologise for being out of order and ask if you can meet up for a coffee and be friends again. Then you both go on the trip; it's only the 10th October, far too early to be messing about thinking about this that and the other.
Simple fact is; whether you were right or wrong, she's a bird so you're always going to be wrong. Just apologise and get the trip out of the way; plus, you've got a kid together so there's no point falling out with each other.

Hagar_uk

I have to say I hate texting, I have made a concious effort not to text when angry or have things on my mind where I could even text. I have switched off my phone now, as I suspect I have a text on its way which will make me angry.

I have tried face to face discussions, and we never argue like that. I the problem is we can get on really well and that frightens her.

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

This^^^^

Texts can be great for confirming arrangements but they're no way to conduct a relationship.

Alias_Omega

When your away, avoid the drunken ex....thats unless you want her back..

Emmzi

although some mums breastfeed to 2 years many stop about 6 months when weaning starts.

are you sure she still is, or is she just using it to wind you up?

victory

Meet up, talk, apologize, listen, communicate, compromise, go:D