going away with Ex, so son can see my family

gratefulforhelp_2

Hagar do what victory says. You probably have been too patient and do need to put your foot down, but

do it after the trip.

Also, ignore the codswallop below. There is nothing odd or dangerous in b/f at 15 months, the benefits are manifold and you are doing what is right for your son.:T

*Robin* wrote: »

If, after taking the advice above you have failed to persuade your ex to accompany you, then take her up on her kind offer and go on this holiday just with your son.
Assuming the child is a 'norm' at fifteen months he is getting more comfort than essential nutrition from breast-feeding, so this would be the ideal opportunity to wean him properly.

All my kids weaned themselves at between ten and sixteen months, except for the 'special' who kept going until just after his second birthday (but he did need the nutrients due to other medical problems that prevented him eating normally for his age).

Apart from anything else, breast-feeding a fifteen month old is rather painful due to the number of teeth that will be through by now. Even the most determined earth-mother cannot find it an enjoyable experience..

skypie123_2

What is a 'norm' and a 'special'?

LittleMissMPB

Breastfeeding at 15months is 'normal' and is certainly not painful if done right, babies don't use teeth to get milk out - they may have a little chomp down when teething but it passes and is something that can be dealth with as and when. The WHO (world Health Organisation) actually recommends breastfeeding exclusively for the first 6 months and then to 2yrs old alongside food. The majority of babies don't self wean until they are around 18months. At 15 months the child could still be getting up to 1/3 of his daily nutrients, and the mother cannot suddenly stop breastfeeding, it's a gradual process.

http://www.who.int/child_adolescent_health/topics/prevention_care/child/nutrition/breastfeeding/en/index.html

Anyway, it's not up to you what she does. I can only comment on what already been said - apologise, take the blame this once and then put your foot down when you get back. Maybe even just give her some space without mentioning it for a while?

Gigglepig

I understand your disappointment, but it is reasonable of your ex to not want to holiday with you if you have nasty arguments, and breastfeeding is good for your son. It was very kind of her in to first place to even consider going, many people would not even consider a holiday with their ex or their ex inlaws.

If you are concerned that finances will be tight, put aside the money for the trip in a special savings account?

If you have concerns regarding your family's health deteriorating by next year perhaps see if they can come and visit this year?

whitewing

It's not that kind to consider it, let everything be paid for and then not go. However, it is virtually impossible to establish the real reasons for not going online like this. I would just say that there will be a solution out there like everyone else says you need to talk, talk, talk and respect each other. I have to admit that I groan at the thought of taking my toddler DD on holiday (seems to take a huge amount of effort to even get out of the house some days) and I have a loving husband. I do think that you should aim to get the three of you on holiday but don't have too high expectations of the 'holiday', just think that if you have a vaguely pleasant time anything else is a bonus.

rachbc

I think forcing you son to wean and then taking him away from his mother at the same time could be a very bad idea - not only has he lost the comfort and nutrition breast milk offers he has lost all contact with his mum at the same time. At 15 months he wil have no concpet of who is extended family are. I would be inclined to wait til next year and take him once he is weaned and more likely to interact with his family.

Kay_Peel

I think it's easier to argue and appear blunt when using text messages. I think it's an unhelpful tool for actually communicating properly over something as important as this. Before you do anything else try talking face-to-face, even if that means travelling miles to see her, at great inconvenience. You need to show her how beneficial this trip is to YOUR SON. (I think it's great that you are trying to build good bonds between baby and grandparents, despite the distance.)

3v3

At the nub of this indicision/dilema lies one fact: your ex is still breastfeeding. Doesn't matter the rights/wrongs/opinions on breastfeeding a 15mth old, the logistics would still be relevant if they were 5/15 weeks old or 5/15 months old! Realistically (and from experience - if that counts?) breast feeding does not stop simple because the child does not "latch on" to the mother - Mum can always "express" milk thus ensuring a consistent milk flow. Get this straight: it is not "cruel" many working mother balance this dilema.

The next issue resolves around text message comms: notorious for mis-communication! No body language, no nuance, no geniune emphasis and alien to basic human face-to-contact learned over millions of years! (Hence, so many forum misunderstandings too )

I believe (it is merely my opinion): sort our your communication issues as a priority! Text is not a do-all/serve-all facility - it is a *means* of communication, but not *the* means of communication. Far too ambiguous as a means of total communication.

Next, sort out (in your own head) the benefits and limitations of breast feeding: vital in the early stages (for sure!) but ... "weaning" occurs well before 15mths of age plus, if your ex is adamant she wishes to continue (which is her right!), there are ways around this: aka, expressing while child is away.

Next, sort out logistics in your own mind: if Gran is "of that age" whereby you can't foresee another opportunity ... time for some hard thinking and weighing up priorities (not fancies ). Logistics also includes the practical aspect of money/time invested! Clearly in today's climate, there is a huge question mark over whether the opportunity will present itself again any time soon (aka in Gran's lifetime). Unlikely!

Next, you should also consider the time/money investment that you have already taken: time's is 'ard! Can you afford to drop both the fiscal and time aspect of the commitment you have already invested? Probably not.

Next, how to win ex over: I won't begin to assume; you know her best

I do wish you the best of luck in your dilema. I do hope you make wise choices

Lunar_Eclipse

*Robin* wrote: »

If, after taking the advice above you have failed to persuade your ex to accompany you, then take her up on her kind offer and go on this holiday just with your son.
Assuming the child is a 'norm' at fifteen months he is getting more comfort than essential nutrition from breast-feeding, so this would be the ideal opportunity to wean him properly.

^^^ this.

It would also have the added benefit of increasing your opportunities for overnight stays with your son.

I doubt your ex will let him go alone with you anyway.;)

gratefulforhelp_2

3v3 wrote: »

Mum can always "express" milk thus ensuring a consistent milk flow.

Not everyone can.