No More! debtfree2015's diary

debtfree2015_2

Been busy job hunting this week. The good thing is now that I am self employed, if I dont find a job for 16 hrs or more, I can find something for say 10-12 hours and my s/e hours will bump me up. Obviously Id like a job for more than 16 hrs, but Im getting pretty desperate now so need as many options as poss.

This week I have applied for a grand total of 2 jobs! Doctors admin part time, and lidl part time. Admin is my background ie last 7 years, though I did work in retail when I was younger so wouldnt mind doing it again. Admin job is more money but a bus ride away, lidl is walking distance. Keeping my fingers crossed very tightly, although my s/e job has kept me busy, Im not earning anything and going do-lally, so need to bring in some money and will keep the s/e running in the background.

I would be able to apply for a lot more jobs if I had a car, but relying on buses that only run half hourly, nursery & childminders start at 8, the next bus comes at 8.35 Id be too late for any jobs starting at 9. My only work around is if I can find a nursery close to a job so each time I see a suitable job I have to search for a nursery, have they got places will I be able to get there on time (first bus is at 7.35!) etc before Ive even applied for it, when I had a car it was so much easier.

Really really really need to find work this year, I want to be debt free before dd starts school so I can take her to disneyland in the august before she starts.

Dont know how people can stay out of work long term, think if dd hadnt been ill and ex hadnt done what he did and I had chosen to leave work Id have dealt with it better, but because I had no choice in it Ive resented having to leave. I love my dd, and still want to spend lots of time with her while I can hence applying for part time, but Im just not meant to be a full time sahm, it drives me bonkers :rotfl:

I went back part time when she was 8 months old, I missed her like mad but it felt good to have some me time, being a single parent 24/7 365 is draining especially with no spare pennies to treat ourselves to days out, every day is the same. Twinkle had low immunity which meant she was ill every other week, id have a week in, a week off, a week in, a week off, doctors thought she would settle after 6 months, but I stayed up to a year and she just got worse having to be hospitalised because she couldnt fight colds off. I was already considering dropping from 3 days to 2 days, work wouldnt allow me so I wasnt going to leave until I had found another job & I was going to try dd with a childminder I figured less kids less germs less sickess, then the ex was released broke all his conditions following me trying to break in it just wasnt safe so had to go into hiding and lost everything!

Its been hard building everything back up, especially without having anyone to watch dd when Ive been ill. Its got slightly easier since she has started a few mornings at preschool. Ive lost count of the number of jobs I have applied for. Ive only been out of work a year so Im sure its the fact that Im a mother, relying on childcare can't do bank hols, can't do the week between xmas and new year, can't do overtime, can't be flexible with days ie they have to be the same days weekly, I can see why I have had knock backs but its still heartbreaking, I wish I could explain in person to all those employers why Im saying I cant do XYZ, so that they know Im not being lazy, or trying to avoid getting a job I seriously want to and need to work for my own sanity!

Well thats my rant for the day, not exactly money related but couldnt rant to a 3 year old so Il rant on my diary instead - sorry diary:kisses3:

debtfree2015_2

Lots of nsd's going on here. Only because I havent had money to spend.

Well actually I was very naughty....dd needed some winter shoes, she was right at the end of her clarks and I didnt have £28 to replace. I didnt have the bus fare to get to a local supermarket for cheap shoes...

SO I ebayed, I got clarks shoes (new) for £15 instead of £28...but as I didnt have the cash in my bank so put it on cc. I could have left it 3 weeks until I had the money but impatient me wanted it sorted there and then

I have sorted bits to list on ebay and hopefully make that money back, just waiting for camera to charge before I can start snapping away....

Ordered a £10 voucher from shopandscan for arcadia group so I can put it towards new clothes for me now that dd is sorted. Val.op is up to £6, so hopefully wont be long til I can cash that.

Im hoping to hear back from the jobs I applied for at some point this week, it would be nice to end the year with a job offer, something to look forward to for 2012.

Next week should also hear from HSBC re loan insurance claim. Well next week will be the 6 week point, they said they would update then but they have up to 12 weeks in total, which may mean in the new year.

debtfree2015_2

Well got a no for one job, didnt hear back from the other.

One piece of good news, I applied for a course....then funding was cancelled. I recieved my interview letter and was about to call to advise I couldnt afford it, when I saw they have reinstated funding! They had reserved it for people on JSA only, but as it turns out the majority of would be students are actually on IS, so its not guaranteed but will be considered depending on college remaining funds.

My interview is in 2 weeks, so excited. Im trying not too get too excited as only 18 places and its a popular course, so just praying I get on.

Now for the bad news, my overdraft renewal fee came out of my account yesterday taking me over my limit. I can not believe it. I have money coming in tomorrow which is when I thought it would be taken, I didnt think any payments went in or out on a saturday.

I haven't paid anything out of my bank account other than usual dd's - even been raiding copper jar for milk & bread! All this stems from the late payment from HB, lead to £41 interest charges (over limit twice in 2 weeks) then that amound has lead to me going over again as I have pennies in avail income once bills & debts paid.

Im feeling really deflated at the moment, just praying for things to pick up.

debtfree2015_2

Feel better today, after giving myself a good talking to. I know things wont be this hard forever. When I get to the point where Im easily paying £10 over the minimum payments on each card, I will reduce my payments by £5 each so I can make the weekly shop easier.

I had a weak moment earlier on, ran out of washing up liquid & sugar, but had spent my £10 shopping allowance. Had to borrow £1.47 from dd's money box was in tears at having to take her money, not that she understands, but just never thought that would be me.

Later went to bathroom to find dd had unrolled the whole toilet roll. We only have one left. She is a toddler and she doesnt understand that things cost money. She didnt know she was doing wrong, as its not something she has done before so I couldnt really get cross. I explained it was wrong and cleared up trying not to cry. Cry over toilet roll! Cup of tea later I was calm, Im not keen on 27p teabags but I was just grateful to have them today.

Its days like today Im so tempted to claim via csa from my ex, but Im just so scared it will lead to him finding us, and will living in fear really be worthwhile for the sake of £5 a week if that...he always said if I tried to claim he would stop work to make sure I got nothing. I guess initially he would deny paternity, so we would be forced to meet or he may be given a clue as to where I am then I am back to square one. Plus I dont want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much damage he done to my life. Just makes me so mad.

Anyway need to stop moaning now, the main thing is, my debt is going down, albeit very slowly, we will get there :T

debtfree2015_2

Ive been contemplating a DMP today.

I keep going back to looking at it, then getting scared and trying to carry on.

Then I struggle again and go back to look at it.

If I go with it, our immediate quality of life will be so much better, as in our payments will go from 361 to 119, the main benefit Il be able to do a normal food shop! They even allow £15 monthly entertainment, thats 3 swimming trips, and £15 sundries, so Id be able to save for birthdays & christmas.

However It will take 9 years to clear, I might be hounded and my rating will be trashed.

Or I could struggle on for another 3 years with a perfect rating. But I can't carry on shopping on £20 a week, - 6 items in my food shop went up by 10p this week. Not a lot, but 60p from £20 is quite a lot as its already a very tight budget, 60p is a pack of banana's or loaf of bread.

other alternative, is just to default on my loan, as thats my biggest payment. I did call them to see if they could amend the terms, she said no they wont offer that unless I default.

Another thing that is making me reluctant, I got interest free for life of the balance on my hsbc card, so out of £70, I only pay £20 interest for purchases I made, so that debt is going down by £50 a month, thats £600 a year, my loan goes down by 2112 yearly...where as dmp will only go down by 1428 IF they stop interest...no guarantee.


I need to keep at it, if I manage to get a job soon things will get easier right away, then Il kick myself for having ruined my rating for nothing.

I think, I will give myself until April before reconsidering dmp, I might be in a position then to reduce one of the card payments if the minimums go down, which may make things easier.

NSD today, interview for my course next week cant wait! Thats another point actually, that course is a year long, if I get on that course and qualify I have more of a chance of getting back into work hopefully it will happen!

debtfree2015_2

went to bed convinced I should keep on plugging at it.

Til this morning I realised we were out of toilet roll & I couldnt scrape together 45p for value rolls:o. I had space left on my one remaining card so brought a multipack , I dont think they would have let me put such a small amount on a card otherwise:(.

Im expecting to hear back re PIP before christmas. I will wait until I know what is happening before making any moves. If I get what I worked out to be around £500, that would bring my minimum payment on my card down by a bit, which could make a slight difference to our month

Just so scared of the consequences, I keep thinking what if they refuse to accept the payments offered, but on the other hand they might accept right away!

Then I worry about nasty phone calls or visits - but I might be lucky....

Its the uncertainty of it all that freaks me out, Ive never been one for risks, I like to know whats going to happen well in advance no matter what the situation!

Will keep on pondering, tweaking my spreadsheet to see if there is a way round it all.

MuffinTops

Hey DebtFree2015,
I wanted to pop in and say well done on sticking with it. Each day you wake up and probably feel you're not getting far, but I've just read your diary and your positivity among the negative situations is really worth giving yourself a pat on the back for.

I'm sorry to hear you're living in fear of your ex finding you, particulary if he's the type of person who can find himself "inside". It's a shame you don't get more support elsewhere as i know how debilitating the stress of a hellbent ex can be along with the lack of support from outside.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can though, so please make sure you give yourself credit for that during the times things get too much and you're in tears.

Good luck with the PPI claim! I really hope that comes through for you.

debtfree2015_2

Thank you Muffin Tops

Well today I have done a full circle a few times! Came of being determined to sort things out.

Then I changed my mind and typed up a letter ready to send to the banks.

Now Ive changed my mind again, just cant help feeling something is about to change and Il regret doing it.
Even my cards are not giving me a clear answer on this one, just shows things will be tough whatever route.

Cant wait for Merlin, I need some serious distraction

debtfree2015_2

Woke up feeling so much more positive today.

After going through all of my figures for the umpteenth time, there is a little left over after everything is paid. Its just that atm I havent been noticing that figure as overdraft charges bouncing on from aug/sept have been taking it away.

Im also in a hurry to clear the ov because of all this, but if I take my time, and reduce it by say 50 a month, I can bump up the shopping budget and have a little to treat dd without stressing.

Ive been snapping away this morning, got lots to list on ebay, it was supposed to be downgraded from a business to private as my business stuff just doesnt sell on there, they confirmed but it hasnt been done, so logged a query, got to wait 48 hrs.

Business site has had a huge increase in views, so Im hoping that means sales will start flowing in :T I am glad I chose to dropship rather than wholesale for now anyway!

I will have to continue charging ahead, for all I know I could be in work within a month or two, or my shop may start to bring in regular sales, then Il regret trashing my record for nothing.

If I get to the point where I have to default on a payment then I will definately review.

MuffinTops

Waking up to positive feelings just sets the day up so nicely, doesn't it?

When in doubt sit quietly until you've worked things out, so not a bad idea to just wait and see for now. The right answer will come to you.

Good luck with Job Hunting and SE status. Well done for setting that up. It takes a lot of courage and work!