My ex is refusing to sign the Divorce Petition.. what now?

pinkshoes

lol if it wasn't for the mention of kids, I would have thought you were the ex of someone I know!!!

She was divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour (aggression, verbal bullying...), which he initially agreed to until less than a year after their split when he discovered that she was pregnant with another man's baby. He now has it in his head that she liked this guy whilst they were still together (as why else would they have a baby together so quickly...?), so is now refusing to sign the divorce petition, and has decided that he is now going to divorce her for adultery!

Me and my OH have advised him to just sign the divorce, but he's having none of it. I guess the fact that she's moved on was too much for him.

missk9

pinkshoes wrote: »

lol if it wasn't for the mention of kids, I would have thought you were the ex of someone I know!!!

She was divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour (aggression, verbal bullying...), which he initially agreed to until less than a year after their split when he discovered that she was pregnant with another man's baby. He now has it in his head that she liked this guy whilst they were still together (as why else would they have a baby together so quickly...?), so is now refusing to sign the divorce petition, and has decided that he is now going to divorce her for adultery!

Me and my OH have advised him to just sign the divorce, but he's having none of it. I guess the fact that she's moved on was too much for him.

yes because even if you are separated, the fact that I have moved on - he could infact divorce me for adultery if he wishes.... and i would sign in an instant just to get it done and dusted... i guess i feel differently to him... he has accepted the split but it was 100% my decision to seperate after YEARS of craaaap

pigpen

Caroline73 wrote: »

Use reverse psychology and tell him you arent bothered about the divorce anymore. He's obviously enjoying the attention! Change your name by deed poll and tell him you'll be telling people you are divorced on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour anyway.

That is not necessary for anyone to use their maiden name.. it is still their name.. changing by deed poll is an unnecessary expense.

I divorced KH on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour for similar reasons.. I could have put adultery though given he had been through 3 women by the time I could be bothered to go to a solicitor... He was threatening to go after the christmas and I wanted to get in first so I went before .. so I could divorce him!! He countered the petition with a letter saying while he did not agree to the terms I had stated he wanted the divorce so would not counter/disagree but wanted it known I was lying about him.. lol... Then he went around spreading all manner of lies about me and just general lies.. but I know the truth as does he and that is all that matters (the best part was it turns out DS1 had seen him in the pub a couple of times with the slapper he was having the affair with.. )

It will stall it a little but it will go through with or without his consent!

DS4215

Send him it back again with a new reason at the bottom - refusing to sign the divorce petition!

zoesmummy_2006

god dont you just love exes like this!!! am also divorcing on grounds of unreasonable behaviour, as despite the ex moving in the new gf after a matter of a week (that was after being single for 2 whole days after leaving the girl he originally left me for!!) and her being pregnant when i filed for divorce, the solicitor said adultery divorce is harder work. I filed back in jan and have just filed the paperwork for my decree absolute last week.

When the ex got the papers he wasnt happy, wanted to leave her and unborn baby and come back to me-got told firmly where to go on that score. But then because i'd had to list reasons that i felt had led to the breakdown of the marriage, things that i felt were unreasonable, his family got mega hump on with me over it, to the point that his dad barely speaks to me anymore!!! They just dont seem to understand that its just 'reasons' for a judge to glance at and rubber stamp, the fact was there was no going back for me once he got her pregnant as he knew how badly i wanted another baby yet went to see about the snip after our son was born. His parents also dont like to see how he's treated me and the kids, he's NEVER paid maintenence since he left, was taking money from me in the beginning to pay joint debts despite me being a single parent, when our daughter started school it was me who bought everything she needed, im the one who buys shoes clothes and whatever else they need. He has to ask me what size shoes they're in, and as for clothes my son is 3 and very often comes home in clothes that are too small-i kid you not he once came home age 2 in 6-9 months jeans!!!!!!!! They also have no idea that he gave me an sti, or that i have discovered he cheated on me with the girl hes with when we'd been married just 4 months and i was then 3 months pg with our daughter. But i doubt they'd care if they did know, he's their son at the end of the day. I just cant wait for it to all be over and done with!!

missk9

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

god dont you just love exes like this!!! am also divorcing on grounds of unreasonable behaviour, as despite the ex moving in the new gf after a matter of a week (that was after being single for 2 whole days after leaving the girl he originally left me for!!) and her being pregnant when i filed for divorce, the solicitor said adultery divorce is harder work. I filed back in jan and have just filed the paperwork for my decree absolute last week.

When the ex got the papers he wasnt happy, wanted to leave her and unborn baby and come back to me-got told firmly where to go on that score. But then because i'd had to list reasons that i felt had led to the breakdown of the marriage, things that i felt were unreasonable, his family got mega hump on with me over it, to the point that his dad barely speaks to me anymore!!! They just dont seem to understand that its just 'reasons' for a judge to glance at and rubber stamp, the fact was there was no going back for me once he got her pregnant as he knew how badly i wanted another baby yet went to see about the snip after our son was born. His parents also dont like to see how he's treated me and the kids, he's NEVER paid maintenence since he left, was taking money from me in the beginning to pay joint debts despite me being a single parent, when our daughter started school it was me who bought everything she needed, im the one who buys shoes clothes and whatever else they need. He has to ask me what size shoes they're in, and as for clothes my son is 3 and very often comes home in clothes that are too small-i kid you not he once came home age 2 in 6-9 months jeans!!!!!!!! They also have no idea that he gave me an sti, or that i have discovered he cheated on me with the girl hes with when we'd been married just 4 months and i was then 3 months pg with our daughter. But i doubt they'd care if they did know, he's their son at the end of the day. I just cant wait for it to all be over and done with!!

WOW thank you for sharing your story.. its really spurred me on... i keep getting texts etc saying cant i just wait til May next year but even then id need to resubmit and probably wont get legal aid then and i just cant afford that.... I also got an sti and this was originally in the list of FACTS.. but i got it taken out at the last minute as to not rock the boat too much... last night his text was.. 'why are you bringing up all the past that i thought you had forgiven me for' and although i dont reply as i am taking the higher ground in my head im thinking.. i will never forgive you for anything you did...and i have no respect for a man that puts himself/other women and mates before his children....I do get maintenance from him, but NO EXTRAS.. i dont ask for extras, but i do struggle to much with getting them, like school trips and uniforms, coats they needs, shoes etc...
After researching how long and how much it will cost me to leave this until may 2012 I have decided i have no option but to stick to my guns.. i am a nice person and hate conflict but have to KEEP reminding myself.. it was YOU that did all these things, YOU have made things come to this, if YOU didnt do these things i would have had no grounds to divorce you for unreasonable beahviour at all!
I just want this over with in the quickest and cheapest way possible! - He should too and is a fool not to sign...sigh xxx

princessdreamer

My ex went straight from sleeping in my bed one day to living with mistress the next nice bloke. The MIL said he didn't need to help support me as that is what benefits are for and to get a council house as her son needed the money. The mistress screams I will be left with nothing and all this while I raise three children on my own. Feels like it will never be over, if he wins I will be the one dealing with the children crying after losing their home while him and her party up on the profits.

Sensible_Jess

OP

This is exactly what happened to me.......

Divorce petition went to Ex - he refused to sign, the weeks dragged by and my solicitors bills increased with the number of letters / calls made chasing it up (he was not using a solicitor so no costs to him:()
He ranted and raved and said he would contest the divorce in court - my solicitor said this was pretty rare but knowing Ex as well as I did I feared he might do it anyway.:eek:

I printed off some bits from the internet about divorce on the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour' and sent them to him, with a note saying that I appreciated that he might find reading the 'grounds' hurtful but the court needed this information to go ahead with the divorce. (I had already done this some months earlier to prepare him for when the petition arrived, but it obviously hadn't sunk in.....)

He wrote back saying that I'd written all lies, when I stuck to my guns he asked me to change certain things, when I refused he asked if he could divorce me for my 'unreasonable behaviour' instead :rotfl:
I said tough, you should have thought about this before forcing ME to file for divorce
At the 11th hour, when I was preparing to go to court, he signed.:T

OP - Can you send your Ex some links to divorce websites that he could look at so he can see that you are doing it 'by the book' and that you are not planning a smear campaign agianst him?
Is there anyone that has some influence over him that you could talk to to get him to see sense? (send them the same links)

Otherwise - hold your ground - don't be pressurised into changing the examples of unreasonable behaviour that you've given. If you do, he'll probably ask you to change something else.:(
Once he finally sees that contesting the grounds of the divorce will cost him a lot of money he will sign....:T

Keep calm and carry on...You've got this far!

Caroline_a

Ladies - karma will happen. I went through a horrendous separation/divorce/fight to get my youngest child to live with me. He was even living in the marital home and refused to sell. Wouldnt appear at court, which was 5 mins from the house, despite me having to go 200 miles to attend.

Eventually he was ordered to sell the house so he stopped paying the mortgage. The house was eventually sold one day before it was due to be repossessed, and he had let it go down so much it sold for 40% less than the identical one next door.

And now? 13 odd years on, my daughter stayed with me, I have a large 3 bed semi, mortgage free, a new-ish car (bought from new), a good job and a share in a new business. All through hard work and determination. Him? He's living in a tiny one-bed council flat, no job, car is older then our daughter (who is now 24), and has no prospects of anything except a retirement of benefits.

He thought he was being clever by fighting everything... but ended up shooting himself in the foot, by alienating the judges, court officers, etc. The judge gave me the lion's share (60%) of the house, as he was so fed up with my ex not turning up (4 times!).

Karma is a wonderful thing....

zoesmummy_2006

to be honest once it all kicked off i did think about seeing if i could postpone until end of september when i would have been able to file for a no fault divorce, but i just thought after everything he'd put me through why should i let him off that easily??? I know that at the end of the day its just a piece of paper stating that we're no longer married-but to me it means that i was strong enough finally to stand up to him after everything he put me through, and it took me 15 months to get to that point!!