My ex is refusing to sign the Divorce Petition.. what now?

missk9

*** UPDATED post 35***** thanks guys for ur advice!

Hi there,
This has all blown up this weekend so I dont really know who to discuss this with.
My husband and I separated in May 2010
(after a 6 year marriage 9 years together in total and 2 children) and I started divorce proceedings straight away(june 2010). My ex and I got along at the time so my solicitor suggested Financial Mediation to decide what happens re the house/kids/debt etc... We both agreed to this knowing it would be a lot cheaper than court (for him anyway - I get Legal Aid).
After MONTHS of mediation, with many appointments postponed by him because he couldnt afford to pay the lady we have finally completed and agreed on it all, signed and finished.
Now, however, the Divorce petition has just reached him with a few examples I had to give of his 'unreasonable behaviour' (other women -not adultery/ spending all our cash we needed for the kids / secret phones etc etc) Nothing I stated was UNTRUE and I stand by that.
Now he has seen in writing what I have said he has been leaving texts all day saying he is NEVER signing it and will see me in court!?!
I Thought this was gonna be over with very soon and the cheapest and quickest way for us both!
Im annoyed as I only had a miscarriage (which he was aware of) with my new partners baby on Monday and really dont need this stress... sorry for me to go on!
What happens now?
He would be so silly to go to court.. i have been so nice (i am not a spiteful person) have been flexible for him to see the kids, we have agreed on a NON csa child support, I refused Spousal maintenance etc etc...SIGH!

Perfect10_2

Apart from feeling mentally like the marriage is finally over do you need the finality of divorce right now for any other reason? If not then wait til next May and divorce him on the grounds of two years separation. Stops the need for either party feeling blamed (even if he was most definitely the one at fault, you will both always know this anyway). Just an idea

marywooyeah

Sorry to hear of your recent miscarriage, I can empathise.
When did you start divorce proceedings - I see you separated last may but it wasnt clear whether that was the same time you issued the petition. If he refuses to sign the only real possibility you have of divorcing him is waiting until the 5 year mark passes where you can divorce him without consent.

missk9

marywooyeah wrote: »

Sorry to hear of your recent miscarriage, I can empathise.
When did you start divorce proceedings - I see you separated last may but it wasnt clear whether that was the same time you issued the petition. If he refuses to sign the only real possibility you have of divorcing him is waiting until the 5 year mark passes where you can divorce him without consent.

Hey there, thanks for the reply... I started divorce proceedings in June 2010.. the reason it dragged on so long is because of him constantly postponing the mediation appointments due to him not having the cash to pay her for each session.
WOW 5 years.. i did knwo about the 5 year thing and the 2 year thing the lady mentioned above but i was just wanting this done and dusted so I could move on.
The mediator even advised him in the session - no matter what the petition says, just sign it to get it sorted quickly and to save HIM money - as I mentioned to him today in a mature text i sent, only myself, himself and the courts see this.. its not a public document!

marywooyeah

the 2 year mentioned above needs to have the other party's consent so if he is refusing then it is no use to you. I see what you are saying about just signing it but if someone told you to sign a document which said "I'm a stupid cow" or something similar would you sign it even if no one else would see it?! you've clearly moved on with a new partner, so I'd tell him he either signs it or has to wait until 2015 when you'll divorce him anyway!

Errata

If you're divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour, it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, you can go ahead.

paddy's_mum

Silly man! He can protest all he wants but one of two things will happen if you continue with your divorce action and he refuses to sign what the court will view as properly served legal papers.

Either you tell the court of his refusal and the judge orders that the hearing can go ahead with or without twit-face's involvement or acknowledgement or your husband can cross petition you for a divorce based on his accusations about you.

If he is daft enough to cross petition, he will very quickly discover that it is likely to require him needing the (very, very expensive!) services of a barrister, is likely to be held at the High Court, will prolong the agony and lead to no identifiable gain whatsoever for any party.

If he thinks that refusing to sign will allow him to besmirch you while keeping his own image snow white, he's in for some very nasty shocks in the not too distant future. Speak to your solicitor is my advice. Good luck.

adamantine

are you in scotland or england?

in scotland you can divorce after 1 year with consent 2 without. england its 2 years with and 5 years without.

being on legal aid unless you have concrete proof of his unreasonable behaviour you may find it very very difficult to get funding for the divorce. they have really pulled in the reins on what they provide funding for atm. unless is pretty clear cut and guaranteed to be sucessful then they wont pay for it.

im having to appeal for a pension sharing order when my legal aid was refused for it coz my solicitor didnt chase up a reply off my ex's solicitor who wont reply coz he hasnt paid his bill with them!

Malfiore

If you are filing under unreasonable behaviour then you just need to prove service on the respondent. You can go for deemed service although this is a little complicated.

I would instruct a bailiff or Process Server to serve the papers on him. This means he doesn't need to sign the papers as he has been served and therefore is aware of the divorce. The court bailiff costs £105 (ask the court about this) and a Process Server around £150 depending on the company - this is best as they serve at any time of day whereas the court bailiff works 9-5. Don't worry, you can get divorced even if he's being difficult!!

Gavin83

Have you got proof of his unreasonable behaviour?

zzzLazyDaisy

Gavin83 wrote: »

Have you got proof of his unreasonable behaviour?

You don't need it.

The unreasonable behaviour is not the grounds for the divorce. The grounds are that the marriage has irretrievably broken down owing to behaviour which the petitioner considers to be unreasonable.

The list of behaviours that are considered to be unreasonable are just examples and do not have to be proved.

That may seem unfair, but that is the fact. Once the petition has been served - he has three options - 1.sign and return it, 2. ignore it, in which case eventually the court will order that the divorce proceed without his signature, 3. seek to defend the divorce (note not the reasons but the actual divorce) which involved huge amounts of money, there is no legal aid to do this, and is almost certain to fail because once one party to the marriage says it has irretrievably broken down... it has.

OP hang in there, keep in touch with your solicitor, and let him/her do their job.