Time off for bereavement?

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When my brother died suddenly, I was not given anytime off work to attend his funeral that was 400 miles from where I lived. Manager only gave me half days holiday leave to attend a service him for him locally. This was with a well know very large retailer company that everyone thinks is a good employer. Me thinks not....

jessbob

I was only given two days compassionate leave when my father died, then another day for the funeral. Rubbish. Still not mentally able to deal with it, but have to be at work to pay the bills

moremore

Time off is always at the discression of manager and they give their friends and staff that they liked to be off with pay for 1 to 2 weeks when a love one died.

Your welll known retailer managers discriminates towards staff as they feel like it.

runfaraway

I work for a large company, and the allowance is 1 weeks' paid compassionate leave, and unlimited unpaid compassionate leave where possible. They also accept fit notes if the grief has created health issues as it did with me.

When my partner died towards the end of last year I was a wreck. I had to have my mum come stay with me because I was forgetting everything and scared I'd kill our cat through forgetting to feed it. For two weeks straight I didn't/couldn't eat, barely slept, struggled to hold even the simplest of conversations, and had to be reminded and nagged to drink, I was basically in shock and if I'd come into work I would've been a danger to myself and others around me, not to mention completely useless. Grief is not just feeling sad, it can have physical and mental health effects and if those are in evidence it is completely legal and morally right to be signed off work by a doctor until better. Including my compassionate leave I had 3 weeks off and all of my colleagues were shocked that I didn't take more because it was such a big loss I'd suffered and such a big reaction I'd had to it, but I went back when I felt I was well enough to do so.

The people who are saying they can't imagine anyone ever needing more than a week or a few days to deal with grief are incredibly lucky that their physical and mental make-up has made them so resilient to loss, but expecting the entire population to have that same resilience isn't realistic and comes from the same discriminatory place as the mindset that says mental health problems aren't real health problems.

If the OP's employee is off work to look after his fianc!e he should be offered the same benefits as someone who takes time off to care for a sick family member long-term. In my company's case that would be unpaid leave, or flexible working. If he's off due to the mental and physical effects of grief on him - which you can't say are unreasonable because you don't know his full medical situation, he could be already dealing with depression or some other mental health issue that makes him more vulnerable, that he hasn't disclosed to you - he should get a fit note detailing those effects and he would then be entitled to the same benefits as anyone else signed off work with health issues.

Evilm

runfaraway wrote: »

he should get a fit note detailing those effects and he would then be entitled to the same benefits as anyone else signed off work with health issues.

Quite - except that isn't part of discretionary bereavement leave. Anything beyond a week for a non direct family member should be referred to a GP at which point it becomes sick leave.

No one is saying that you can't 'need' the time, just that allowing it to continue on bereavement leave isn't the right way to go about it because the next time a member of staff loses an in-law and wants 3 weeks + off you potentially have to defend the differences in the situations.

Its best to nip it in the bud now.

runfaraway

Evilm wrote: »

Quite - except that isn't part of discretionary bereavement leave. Anything beyond a week for a non direct family member should be referred to a GP at which point it becomes sick leave.

No one is saying that you can't 'need' the time, just that allowing it to continue on bereavement leave isn't the right way to go about it because the next time a member of staff loses an in-law and wants 3 weeks + off you potentially have to defend the differences in the situations.

Its best to nip it in the bud now.

That's exactly what I said, if the bereavement causes or makes worse health issues then the way to go is paid sick leave. It did read like some of the posters thought going off work with health issues after a bereavement is unusual or taking the p$$ when actually suffering health effects after a bereavement is pretty common and completely normal.

heartbreak_star

When my own father died I got 3 days plus one for the funeral.

I think you're being far too generous - what happens when he loses one of his own parents?

HBS x