Any advice on my step-daughter and school welcome!

Bossyboots

welshcakes wrote:

I stand corrected - at 15 yrs it does not apply unless the named dad has gone back and formally 're-registered' with the Registrar after 2003.

is it me, or is the site playing up today with refreshing when you post a reply?

No its not just you, I have been having horrendous problems too.

lynzpower

millymoomoo wrote:

Morning everyone,
My step-daughter has recently said that she really wants to work with children or be a model. We sat down with her to work out what she'd have to do. However she doesn't seem to understand the consequences on her future. Her first job reference will have to come from the school and she already has this caution for threatening behaviour.

Could you say youve been looking on the internet ( dig about) and found out some things to do with being a model ( dont smoke, keep fit regimes etc) and help her, maybe you could go to keep fit or step or something with her, to create a bit of structure. Make her see that her dreams arnt in the clouds, but she needs to put in some work to get there. Although some models do get picked from obscurity, lots have to put in the hours. When you are a model, turning up, showing willing- all counts. I suspect people have siad to her "youll never be model" and laughed at her dreams. Show her it can happen.

If she wants to work with kids, hats off to her too. What about some youth voluteering, is there anything in your area. Tell her competition is fierce, and find websites to prove it, but build on her strengths. Get her a book off ebay or something, help her to think about doing some babysitting to get references and some cash coming in.

either of these, or both even will create some sort of structure, even if its keep fit once a week, where you know she is working towards something and making it achievable. if shes missing school she wont be getting much encouragement from there. her mum doenst sound like ensuring her daughters career is something worth bothering with either.

With regard to them now being on holiday (yet more time out of school) I think we've been lied to again. When OH spoke to her about this she claimed the school had given permission (her grandmother even backed up the claim). I can't understand why they would especially as the Head had been away a few days and on friday new nothing about it. The Head told OH that he has had no emails from teachers saying she had been absent so we presume she has been in.

Sounds to me like the EWO needs to know this, quite frankly they are not meeting her needs and social services need to be involved. Lying about absenses- whos the kid here?

p.s Is the site playing up only the 'thanks' buttons don't seem to be working!

yteah sites giving me hell as well

millymoomoo_2

The problem with her wanting to be a model is that as far as we're aware she already has an eating disorder. We know she has been to the doctor about it several times however she won't speak about it (understandable) and we can't get information from the doctor or her mother.
She originally said that she was thin because her mother never cooked but this then changed to being because eating makes her feel sick. We're desparately worried about it but nobody will let us help.

hobo28

millymoomoo wrote:

The problem with her wanting to be a model is that as far as we're aware she already has an eating disorder. We know she has been to the doctor about it several times however she won't speak about it (understandable) and we can't get information from the doctor or her mother.
She originally said that she was thin because her mother never cooked but this then changed to being because eating makes her feel sick. We're desparately worried about it but nobody will let us help.

My friend's daughter had a similar issue but they managed to get help from their doctor. Apparently the key thing to watch out for is her body mass index (BMI). You can google it to find out how to work it out. That is the one thing they cannot hide if they do have a problem. A little while ago, I was worried about my OH as her eating is rather erratic but her BMI is within normal range and she can still run a half marathon so I figured I have to just keep my mouth shut since I can't run to the end of the street!

millymoomoo_2

Thanks Hobo
I'm the same regarding running up the street lol!



Right I'm off up to the In-laws now. I'll be back later!

welshcakes

Unfortunately, addressing anorexia problems varies enormously between practices and Trusts. I suffered from it over ten years ago though I didn't recognise or self acknowledge it at the time. AT 5' 8" I weighed in at 6st 2 lbs when I went to my gp ... he gave me a prescription for 5 valium tablets!

It's important that if you can get someone to their gp, they ask for referral to the Mental Health Team, though there is a huge stigma attached to this branch of community medicine.

There are threshold weights which have to be reached before medical intervantion takes place. Where we are (Welsh Trust), a friend was told his 18yr daughter would have to weigh in at less than 6 stone before she was considered at risk. Mad isn't it!

Zziggi

I'd firstly check the legal position of whether or not your partner can even be taken to court. If he has never been married to the child's mother and has not been given parental responsibility AND he is not living with the child's mother then I can't see how he can be taken to court. It sounds like a heavy-handed threat. I'd clarify this first off.

Then (irrespective of the outcome of the above) I would restate to the EWO that your partner has never been married to the child's mother, he does noto not have parental responsibility and he is not living with the child nor her mother. Tell the EWO he is telling her/him this to clarify his position with regards to the child. However if your partner is involved in wanting to help his daughter get back into school then let the EWO know that although hehas no responsability to do this, your partner wishes to help get his daughter into school and wish to work with the EWO and other services.Any EWO worth their salt will realise the position if your partner explains his position with regards to parental responsability.

I am pretty sure if you don;t have parental responsability then there is nothing they can do. However it sounds like the EWO has previously been told your partner does indeed have parental responsability and this sounds like why he got a letter about court.

millymoomoo_2

Hello everyone, time for an update.

OH says that the meeting went well. He arrived half an hour early and sat talking to the EWO while waiting to go in. The EWO had no idea that my step-daughter was away on holiday. OH explained about him contacting the school about it last week. The EWO says as far as he's aware nobody gave permission for her to go.

OH says once in the meeting they tried to put him at ease (he was in a bad way this morning). Although he was cautioned he was told he could leave at any time.

There was a list of set questions about the circumstances surrounding the situation which he answerred and the EWO wrote down his answers.

He does feel a lot better about the situation and has told them that he would like social services to be involved. I don't know what's going to happen now as her mother was supposed to be in the same meeting as him but obviously wasn't.

Thay've said they will be in contact in 2 weeks to tell us the outcome:
either:
case dropped for OH
a fine
or court

So we'll just have to wait and see now. What is bothering me though is if it goes to court her mother is on income support and therefore entitled to Legal Aid. We are not and unfortunately there's no way we can afford a solicitor.

I just want to say thankyou to each and everyone of you. OH went with 4 pages of A4 on which I had prepared notes. Thanks for all your suggestions!:beer:

hobo28

Did he mention the fact he has no PR?

millymoomoo_2

Yes but apparently that's irrelevant!
It doesn't make much sense to me but thereyou go!