Any advice on my step-daughter and school welcome!

millymoomoo_2

I really hope we have happy ending like that Stef. I just can't see it happening at the moment though.

lynzpower

I would say, can you go to the meeting and simply express your position. You sound frustrated, and no amount of negotiation before hand will prboably get you anywhere. Id do everything in my power to get the meeting moved to a time you guys CAN attend.

EWO will be looking for solutions. Thats fair enough. You should simply get down there adn tell them the situation you are in.

It sounds to me like there should be a social services investigation to the ex & daughter, if she cant be bothered to enforce her going to school, what else isnt being done? It may explain why she isnt able to tell you what shes telling the counsellor?

The counsellor will not be able to divulge whats been said in the session its unethical & against codes of conduct. However, if child is at risk of serious and immiediate abuse, they have to raise the alarm. However, neglect, doesnt really come into it.

dlb

My husband does have parental responsibilty for his son by his ex, they too where not married and dispite having the parental responsibility his sons school are rubbish at keeping him informed, we recieved letter regarding parents evening after it has taken place, we found out from a friend who works at his school that his son had been in serious trouble at school and mum had been informed, but dh hadnt.
He went in and they said we didnt realise you wanted informing!!!!They have it on file that my husband has to recieve reports letter ect but still we have to chase them for these, as his ex never tells us anything.

You just cant win!!
Good luck with the meeting i cant see that they can do anything against your husband as he isnt the parent with care.And has no p / responsibility.
Hope it all goes well, just make sure he points out again and aagain how is he ment to inforce her attendance when she lives with mum??

thriftyjo

I aggree that getting Social services involved is the right thing to do. No matter what his ex says if you and hubby are paying child support and obviously activly trying to help that child then he does have responsibility over that child - I would say it sounds like he and you appear to be taking more responsibility than the mother!
It sounds like mum has forgotten her role and is desperatley trying to be a friend to keep her daughter close. Would you and partner consider applying for full custody? As it sounds like this child needs some structure to her life.
As I was a bit of a truant at school (or not as I just hated it) could I suggest that you discuss something more vocational for her so that she may become interested in something - you know like a hairdressing course or similar. Lots of schools are doing this sort of thing now. And as above I think she needs to talk to somebody privateyl to find out what the problem is - is it that she just cant be arsed or is it the peer pressure is just too much or maybe she is being bullied. Whatever it is dropping out of anything is never good for self esteem.
Get your OH to write himself a list when he goes into the meeting so that he can also find out what they are doing about the problem - tell them he wants to work as a team in the best interest of his daughter. They should also be able to tell him about her school work - what needs to be done for her to catch up - Maybe she has fallen that far behind that she thinks she just can't catch up - what are the school going to do to help.
Good luck to you both and let us know how it goes.

welshcakes

Milly, was dad named on the daughter's Birth Certificate? I only ask because even though he wasn't married to mum at any point, naming on certificate automatically assigns parental responsibility to him and makes him jointly responsible in the eyes of the law for her behaviour whilst a minor.

Relying on telephone calls and promises of return calls is notoriously unreliable with regards to establishments such as schools and social services however I would urge you to keep a log of dates, times and names of the people you speak with accompanied by a short sumary of each call content, that way you have documented evidence of the pro-active steps you have taken to address and reslove the problem and the failure of the recipients to follow up. It often bump starts authorities into getting their act together and playing by the rules when you produce a written statement listing the poor performance of their department.

I would personally be inclined to switch positions with the school and EWO and officially write to advise that they are the ones that will be the subject of an investigation should they continue to fail you in your attempts to provide adequate support and an action plan for the daughter's behavioural problems.

On the basis of the ongoing efforts your OH is making in this matter, I don't believe that he will be accused of failing to take measures to comply and resolve so the forthcoming meeting is one he should look forward to as it will give a face-to-face opportunity for him to hold them accountable for the various anomolies in their recording and informing procedures.

hobo28

There are two issues here in my mind. First and most important is how to get DD back to school. Second is the EWO's insistance of applying legal tactics to your ex which does on the surface sound highly unfair since he is at least trying where the person who REALLY is responsible obviously doesn't care.

Now Parental Responsibility gives you legal rights and are treated in law as the child's parent. The flip side of that of course is without it, you are not. Legally speaking your ex is about as responsible for his DD as I am! So if I were him, I'd politely remind them of this fact and that the legal bullying tactics are useless so don't waste their time.

That all said tho, morally he is the father and as any decent father should, he is trying. Working with the EWO, social services etc. is the correct way forward. Unfortunately at 15, if she truly doesn't want to go, I fear that there's not much anyone can do. Especially if her mother doesn't care either.

Good luck

Bossyboots

welshcakes wrote:

Milly, was dad named on the daughter's Birth Certificate? I only ask because even though he wasn't married to mum at any point, naming on certificate automatically assigns parental responsibility to him and makes him jointly responsible in the eyes of the law for her behaviour whilst a minor.

That only applies to children born on or after 1st December 2003. Prior to that, being on the birth certificate did NOT convey parental responsibility.

Bossyboots

welshcakes wrote:

Milly, was dad named on the daughter's Birth Certificate? I only ask because even though he wasn't married to mum at any point, naming on certificate automatically assigns parental responsibility to him and makes him jointly responsible in the eyes of the law for her behaviour whilst a minor.

That only applies to children born on or after 1st December 2003. Prior to that, being on the birth certificate did NOT convey parental responsibility.

Bossyboots

welshcakes wrote:

Milly, was dad named on the daughter's Birth Certificate? I only ask because even though he wasn't married to mum at any point, naming on certificate automatically assigns parental responsibility to him and makes him jointly responsible in the eyes of the law for her behaviour whilst a minor.

That only applies to children born on or after 1st December 2003. Prior to that, being on the birth certificate did NOT convey parental responsibility.

Bossyboots

welshcakes wrote:

Milly, was dad named on the daughter's Birth Certificate? I only ask because even though he wasn't married to mum at any point, naming on certificate automatically assigns parental responsibility to him and makes him jointly responsible in the eyes of the law for her behaviour whilst a minor.

That only applies to children born on or after 1st December 2003. Prior to that, being on the birth certificate did NOT convey parental responsibility.