Any advice on my step-daughter and school welcome!

millymoomoo_2

Hello everyone, sorry it's a long one!
I'm really worried about my partner. He has to attend a 'pre court interview under caution' on monday because of his 15 year old daughters poor school attendance.
It's a long story but here's the background of the situation. My partner and his ex split up 10 years ago and the children stayed with their mum. They were never married so he doesn't have parental responsibility This is something his Ex reminds him off!

The problems started at school last year. We were not aware that his daughter was not attending school. The school never contacted us and nobody let on that there was a problem. The first we heard about it was from my older step-daughter who told us that there was a letter addressed to my partner at her mothers house but had her mothers surname on it.
This letter stated that her school attendance was unacceptable and a meeting was being held. My partner was unable to attend as he'd just had an operation and could barely move. (He was off work for 6 weeks as he got a nasty infection in the wound).
He spoke with his daughter who promised that she would go to school.

Again we heard nothing from the school or EWO until a letter arrived. My partner spoke directly with the EWO who at the time was great as again my partner was unable to attend as he was working away. The EWO said that it was ok and would send on the notes.
Fast forward to November. We recieve a letter from the EWO informing us that her attendance was still just as bad despite her being adament that she was in school and someone must have forgotten to register her. We had a family chat around the table about it. She basically lied to our faces about it.

Things have improved slightly however:
She takes days off whenever she feels like it. Her mother does not and will not take her to school even though she doesn't work and doesn't actually care.
She takes days of sick whenever she feels like it and her mother does not phone in sick for her.

My partner has to leave the house early for work, he has just managed to get his boss to agree to him going in late if he has to get his daughter to school. This means he either works til very very late or we lose some of his wages which we can't afford to do especially with the CSA breathing down our necks.
I would take her myself but I take my child to school and start work at 9. Again I can't afford to lose my job.
Whenever my partner tries to see his daughter (even when he's prearranged it with her) she's never at home. 95% of the time she won't answer her phone to him either.

She was excluded from school temporarily last year for violence towards a teacher. (This was dropped)
She received a caution for threatening behavior from the police late last year. (She swears it was her mother) We weren't told about any of this until much later. She spends a lot of time with a relative of her mother who is much older and has been charged with shoplifting numerous times. Despite my partner telling her that she must stay away from them she won't.

My partner arranged a meeting with the Headmaster and his daughter in December. My step-daughter insisted that she had been signing herself in late. However the Head then produced the signing in book and she hadn't.

Finally on monday I found out that her mother intended to take her out of school next week for a holiday. My partner wasn't aware of this and so tried to contact the school immediately. they said someone would get back to him and they didn't. He tried twice more in the week and was told the same thing, again nobody bothered. When he finally got the Headmaster he wasn't aware of this and was grateful to be informed. My step-daughter claims her mother did get permission but the Head probably wasn't aware because he was away for a few days.

So, they've gone away on holiday and my partner has to attend this interview on monday. Her mother is supposed to be there too but says she's just going to ring them on monday.

I'm so sorry about the long post. It turned in to a rant really didn't it! I'm so worried about my partner he hasn't been well recently

hobo28

Sorry, don't really have any advice to give but I do wonder why your partner is the one to be in bother with the authorities given he has no formal parental responsibility and from the sounds of things, the daughter resides with her mother. Surely the authorities should be applying pressure on the mother and not the one parent who is actually trying to do something?

millymoomoo_2

Thanks,
I don't understand it either. My step-daughter does not live with us and legally my partner has no parental responsibility. However the Education Welfare Officer says that is irrelevant.

misty

As a seperate issue to the actual truency issue - if your husband doesn't have parental responsibility why is he required to attend a pre court hearing under caution? Also why hasn't he got parental responsibilty? he can apply for it without the ex's agreement?

What reason has the daughter given for truency? is there any bullying etc or does she just not like it? I'm not sure what the ew satnds for educational welfare officer? Is there not a school pyschologist/councellor that has been involved with the daughter?

I would complain to the school about their failure to return calls / keep you in the loop and see what you can all work out together.

At 15 it is difficult to make her stay in school - how long as this beeing going on? long term or a recent change in behaviour?

I wish you luck - possibly a solicitor may me of help.

misty

oops - it took me that long to type you had posted reply. I would ask the EW how is it irrelevent - she must have some paperwork. In reality (not that he would) he could say she's nothing to do with me - it's her mother's responsibility.

millymoomoo_2

Regarding the parental responsibility issue, until this all blew up he didn't feel it necessary to take his Ex to court for this as things were ok. I wish he had. As they never married he does not automatically get parental responsibility.
With the school situation, I've been informed that the school don't legally have to inform the parent when children don't attend, but they should if it's a problem. They've had our home number and his mobile number for years now but never tried to contact us.
The truancy issue is still unresolved as my step-daughter still claims that she has been there everyday that she should have been.
She was assigned a councilor at school but will not involve us in it.
The EWO (Education Welfare Officer) apparently arranged a meeting at her home but we have no idea what happened in it as my partner wasn't invited.
Until October/November the EWO was led to believe (by my partners EX I presume) that they had been married.

stefejb

sadly i have some experience of this as i was threatened with court action over my 15yo dds attendance. Basically so long as your partner is coperating as far as he can with the EWO and the school it is unlikely that he will be taken to court. Court action was used as a threat against us really to show our dd that her behaviour would have serious consequences for us even if she didn't care about her education. We weren't obliged to physically take her to school as this would have been impractical but we agreed to phone the school after registration to check that dd was there. Some of the itme dd was not going to school becuase she was missing from home so the police also informed the school when she was reported as misisng. I can't say that it had any effect on her behaviour sadly but we maintained a very good relationship with the EWO and the school and avoided court action. Of course every LEA will have its own policy.
At the interview your partner should remain calm and co-operative but not agree to anything which would cause great difficulties for both of you. It would be better if he was interviewed separately from his ex as it might be difficult for him to keep his cool.
Hang on in there - and the best of luck to you all!
stef

millymoomoo_2

Thankyou!
His Ex is in Italy for the week so she won't be there!
My partner has said he will be calm and tell them everything. He's also decided to involve social services aswell.

misty

If the ex led the EWO to believe they were once married then that may explain why she is leading him to be equally responsible(which he is but not equally to blame) They can't have it both ways though - if the school haven't informed him (if they had they would have kept records as they did with other info) then there's no way he could reasonablly be expected to know and if the EWO won't or can't tell him about what was said at meeting then how is he supposed to act?

I would try and get a solictor to go with him for peace of mind. Also try and find some dates and notes when you contacted the school, who you spoke to and what was said at least this way you can respond that you have tried to be proactive.


Why aren't they bothered about the ex? or do they know she's not bothered?

stefejb

millymoomoo wrote:

Thankyou!
My partner has said he will be calm and tell them everything. He's also decided to involve social services aswell.

oh well .... good luck with that. i tried for a year to get some help and was told that she was my responsibility - one time when the police brought her back from god-knows-where they offered to drop her off at social services and leave her there - i was on first name terms with missing persons unit by then. She's nearly 18 now and lovely and talks about those days and her regrets about her behaviour which she can't account for at all.

stef

millymoomoo_2

I've been writing notes for him to take with him. I just hope he can keep calm and not get flustered.
Unfortuately we can't afford a solicitor.
Whenever he contacts the EWO he has to wait to be phoned back which rarely happens.