Mum not coming to Hen Night!!!

globetraveller

Perhaps its a regional thing but I've never been to a hen night where the bride or grooms mum is there. Perhaps it is her idea of a nightmare and she can't face telling you that?
Is there perhaps more to this story? YOu spent 20 minutes ranting at her on the phone- are you turning into a bridezilla? If she didn't want to go to your wedding then that is serious- but a hen night and all it entails??

Oldernotwiser

aliasojo wrote: »

Hen nights (imo) are for letting your hair down, enjoying yourself with your girlfriends and generally more than likely acting in such a way that it would really be preferable for your Mum not to be there.

Perhaps the OP's Mum feels the same way and is using work as an excuse?

I was going to say that but thought I'd be showing my age!

PrincessDonna2009

ellay864 wrote: »

I do have an older mum but that wasn't my perspective, and I do appreciate that if OPs mum knew how much it meant and had promised to be there then it's not nice to go back on it. But the mum also has her own life, and if she's struggling for money then she has a right to spend her cash as she sees fit. I'm assuming she will be at the wedding, which probably means spending money on new outfit. I'm guessing she'll also be buying a gift if not contributing in other ways to the wedding. To say she must also then spend her cash on a night out "she should be there no matter what" just comes across as very brattish, even if that's not OP meant.
I'm also a mum myself, was a single mum for a number of years, and can see it from the view of sometimes having to say no to your little darlings and put yourself first. Like I said, they need to talk, not OP just to rant at her

Why it is a brattish thing saying that, at the end of the day the hen night is on the Friday, she has to go work on the Saturday Morning, the hen night is not expensive for her, because I have already paid for and it is a for a meal at Bistro live, which you have a 3 course meal and then there's a live band, drinks are paid for, so why is that me being selfish in anyway? it's all paid for including transport?

Where I am from I have always known people to have their mum's on their hen night and she wanted to come from the start....I am not spoilt in anyway or form because my mum is never there for me anytime in the first time anyway, there's no need for her to say NO, she don't need to be in work until the next morning, why don't she just come for the meal and go home early?? It's her being selfish, she went to my sister's hen night, so why not mine?

As for spending money on a outfit, I paid for that as well and I have told her not to buy me anything for a wedding present! And she hasn't contributed anything to my wedding at all, it's been paid for by me and my partner and some from my partner's parents! I don't except her to with no money....As for her spending money on what she likes, she does I don't mind, I know she has her own life I didn't say that, is it wrong for me wanting my mum on my hen night??

Unless you know me, don't judge me!

jackieb

Maybe she feels like she wouldn't be welcome. You do put off that vibe.

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

aliasojo wrote: »

Hen nights (imo) are for letting your hair down, enjoying yourself with your girlfriends and generally more than likely acting in such a way that it would really be preferable for your Mum not to be there.

I guess its just on the individuals - for instance I know someone getting married who would not invite her mum to her hen party as she is in her 60s, prudish and really would not have a good time....yet I know others who regularly go out drinking with their mums/class them as their "best friends" and have invited their female family members to their "do's". Lets also not forgot not all hen nights are wild/get sloshed/penis decorated affairs, OP may be having a spa break for hers....

OP - I can understand why you would be upset, all I can think of is that your mum wants to work that day to earn money she does not have, and like someone suggested, to pay for your wedding present/outfit for the day...

nearlyrich

Can you not just have a mum and daughter low key night out where it won't cost a fortune, we did a meal at a restaurant for my sisters 2nd hen hight, me and my other sister were too out of our comfort zone with her wild plans and most of the bridesmaids were younger nieces who were too young to do nightclubs so we had a nice evening at a local restaurant which our mum came to also. Don't be too hard on her she is your mum and she might be too skint to do everything, hen do wedding new outfit etc etc...

PrincessDonna2009

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

I guess its just on the individuals - for instance I know someone getting married who would not invite her mum to her hen party as she is in her 60s, prudish and really would not have a good time....yet I know others who regularly go out drinking with their mums/class them as their "best friends" and have invited their female family members to their "do's". Lets also not forgot not all hen nights are wild/get sloshed/penis decorated affairs, OP may be having a spa break for hers....

Thank you for agreeing, people always ASSUME and shouting the odds before knowing the fact's, especially when my hen night is going to be a nice and good evening, no massive pub crawls or clubbing...just a few friends and female family members getting together to celebrate my hen night and having a good time

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

PrincessDonna2009 wrote: »

Thank you for agreeing, people always ASSUME and shouting the odds before knowing the fact's, especially when my hen night is going to be a nice and good evening, no massive pub crawls or clubbing...just a few friends and female family members getting together to celebrate my hen night and having a good time

It sounds lovely...I hope you have a lovely time. Im sorry she isn't going to be there. have you spoke to your sister about it? I would be upset too, but maybe your mum doesnt see how important her being there is to you and perhaps your sister could have a word? Like you say she can stop for the meal and head back afterwards (unless like me she doesnt trust herself not to have too many to drink )

ellay864

I dont think anyone shouted anything or was rude to you - we voiced opinions, thats what a forum is for. You implied money was a factor by saying about her holding 2 jobs, losing a days pay, saving that £110 and that other people shouldn't have to pay. All of which becomes less relevant if the hen night isn't costing your mum anything....which you didn't make clear until that later post. What came across as quite harsh was your statement that she should be there no matter what, and I think thats what some of us saw as you being bridezilla. I wasn't judging you - I responded, forming an opinion based on the limited facts in your first post.

aliasojo

PrincessDonna2009 wrote: »

Thank you for agreeing, people always ASSUME and shouting the odds before knowing the fact's, especially when my hen night is going to be a nice and good evening, no massive pub crawls or clubbing...just a few friends and female family members getting together to celebrate my hen night and having a good time

Woah...reign your neck in a bit......we answered you on the basis of your first post. We offered reasons why Mum might not have wanted to go. We didn't assume things, we worked on the basis of what you said originally and offered you some other thoughts to consider.

Since then you have expanded and given us more information, so that changes things a little and perhaps some replies might have been different.

However, you're not coming across well tbh, maybe that's just because you are upset at the moment but yes, I agree with the brattish comment I'm afraid, especially reading your last post.