MSE Pregnancy Club 23

4nnabella

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

She asked me on 2 separate occasions if we'd like her at the birth and I said no both times. Then the other week she told me she wanted to be there desperately. I said it was still a "no". So it wasn't about her offering her support, it was about what she wanted.

When we were telling other friends and family about being pregnant, I'd emailed my stepsisters to tell them and the next time I spoke to mum she sounded all disappointed and said "I spoke to X and Y and they already bloody knew"...

She came round the other day with my stepdad who hadn't seen our new place yet. OH said to stepdad "do you want a tour?" and he said "I can see you're busy getting ready, so show me after you've showered" (we were all going out) and then mum jumped up and was like "this is the lounge, this is the baby stuff and most importantly here is the picture I painted for them" (and it is a lovely painting, but irritating that she took over and made it about her).

I read through this website http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ some time back and some parts are so so true. Saying that, a lot of it doesn't apply and I feel awful even writing this, but I find it really hard to deal with sometimes... Everyone else is just leaving us to get on with it all, why can't she? It also worries me a bit that I'll be like this with my kids.

I'm a bit anxious that when the baby is here, our idea of her being around and helping is going to be a much smaller version of what she's expecting. I'm sure part of this is that her own mother showed no interest at all in helping my mum when she had babies, and she felt really isolated, so she's keen to ensure I don't feel the same... But it's gone from one extreme to the other

The fact that you recognise her behaviour as something you are not comfortable with means that it is highly unlikely you will be like she is with your own children.

My grandmother didn't have a maternal bone in her body, my mum (only child) got sent to boarding school when she was about 8 (my grandfather was in the army so they lived in army housing, moving around the world a lot when my mum was young), and before she died, my grandmother admitted to a friend of my mum's that when my mum was away at school she barely thought about her... My grandmother was very high-maintenance, and my mum did everything for her, especially in the years after my grandfather died. Mum frequently said to me that I was allowed to tell her if I ever thought she was turning into my grandmother... but she never has! My mum and I are now very close and she is nothing like her own mother in the slightest...

Lirin

Lol. Think you'll all hate me.

Had my hospital bag packed at 24 weeks, as Nice's wife was rushed into hospital with a scare then and she isn't much further on than me.
Christmas presents- bought, wrapped, tagged. Probably a good decision as a small walk round Asda is taxing now!
Christmas tree- Couldn't resist. I love Christmas. We put it up on Saturday, on the flimsy basis that I could go anytime.

Back from physio, who told me I was misaligned on one side, and she did some exercises with me. Involved a bit of discomfort- she had my lying on my side while she pressed hard on various bits on my back. Bit sore, but she says it will pass.

4nnabella

I've bought 95% of my Christmas presents... which is totally unlike me, I'm normally dashing round the shops the last weekend before Christmas... I'm going to wrap and tag them this weekend then forget about them. Oh, apart from the last couple of bits I need to get which is going to have to wait until after payday... I know what I'm getting though and can order them online if necessary...

ginvzt

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

She asked me on 2 separate occasions if we'd like her at the birth and I said no both times. Then the other week she told me she wanted to be there desperately. I said it was still a "no". So it wasn't about her offering her support, it was about what she wanted.

When we were telling other friends and family about being pregnant, I'd emailed my stepsisters to tell them and the next time I spoke to mum she sounded all disappointed and said "I spoke to X and Y and they already bloody knew"...

She came round the other day with my stepdad who hadn't seen our new place yet. OH said to stepdad "do you want a tour?" and he said "I can see you're busy getting ready, so show me after you've showered" (we were all going out) and then mum jumped up and was like "this is the lounge, this is the baby stuff and most importantly here is the picture I painted for them" (and it is a lovely painting, but irritating that she took over and made it about her).

I read through this website http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ some time back and some parts are so so true. Saying that, a lot of it doesn't apply and I feel awful even writing this, but I find it really hard to deal with sometimes... Everyone else is just leaving us to get on with it all, why can't she? It also worries me a bit that I'll be like this with my kids.

I'm a bit anxious that when the baby is here, our idea of her being around and helping is going to be a much smaller version of what she's expecting. I'm sure part of this is that her own mother showed no interest at all in helping my mum when she had babies, and she felt really isolated, so she's keen to ensure I don't feel the same... But it's gone from one extreme to the other

I can understand how you feel. My mum is in different country, and I HAVE to call HER every week, otherwise I am told of for not doing so. She already tried to imply that she will come and stay with us over the summer. Haven't said anything to her about that, but no way do I want that. It is always about my mum as well. I never felt close to her and never wanted to be like her. She always used to say the best things have to go to mum, she never believed in me (I passed exams to the best school in the country at the time, with her telling me try if you want, but you will fail, I finished university with honours, and was congratulated by president in the selected group of students, not that she has ever shown me or told me she is proud of me or happy for me).

So, when now she wants to be in my life, I don't want her there. I have left the country 8-9 years ago, met my OH, and I am happy with him. I don't need her to come and stay with us for months no end just so that I not only have to take core of the babies, but also to try and accommodate my mum and make sure I don't 'offend' her by not doing as she wishes.

When we told the news to our parents, I explicitly asked not to tell anyone, as it is early, we might be having twins, and anything could still happen. This Monday I get an email from my cousin congratulating us with the pregnancy and the twins! And not enough, OH has a job interview in Germany, so my mum already told people that we are moving to Germany! We don't know ourselves yet, even if OH is offered the job (he didn't look for it, they contacted his and we decided it is worth give it a go, since this would be a big jump, and if nothing, maybe he can negotiate a pay rise at his current place). It annoys me that I have to try and put people right after she told everyone her made up stories.

Sorry... Blue Monkey - I hope you find a way to deal with your mum. If so - please let me know how to! And there is no way my mother is going to be allowed to be present at birth. I am planning to tell her not to arrive until July!!!!!! (Due mid June, but if twins stay as they are, will be out by end of May the latest)

emmylou83_2

Regarding "mothers" mine died when i was just 18, so i have never had her around to be a pain! She wouldnt have been tho, i was brought up basically i was allowed to do what i liked, as long as i asked her. I dont mean that to sound like she was a rubbish mum, quite the opposite, she allowed me to make my own decisions and i learnt by my mistakes. I never stayed out late, did well as school, dont drink, dont smoke, so think if i do 1/2 a good a job as she did, my kids will be ok! I do of course resent the fact that she isnt here to see my babies grow up etc. But they have never known any different. I`m rambling here so will shut up, but hope u get what i mean!
Hospital bags....i`m quite anal when it comes to being organised normally! I only packed so early as was paranoid i`m have them early! I must admit they were re-packed a few times! lol.
I`ve brought every single one of my girls presents and most are wrapped already i`ve got the few other people that i need to buy for, everyone else is money in a card so not much to organise there! Tree wont go up for another 2 weeks A) Hubby wont allow it b4 1st dec, we are away that weekend C) i have to wait for DH to go into the attic to get it all down and if he had his way it wouldnt come down at all haha! He also has chronic pain and is on Morphine, so we have to wait until he has a reasonable day to be going up there.
Tried taking DD3 to see Santa today at the local garden centre, but they dont have a grotto this yr 1 very disapointed 3 yr old now, telling every one that will listen that she couldnt see Santa xx

Lauralou

Hey all.

Hope everyones babies are fine:)

Had my midwife appointment yesterday, everything fine. She had a feel off bump and said she was engaged i think my face went like this=:eek::rotfl: but she said that it doesn't mean she will come any earlier. Measured me and i'm 33cm.

My hospital bag is half packed!

kira i'm also seeing the midwife every 2 weeks now. Must of been a shocked being measured 38cm, your midwife must not be too concern or she would send you back for another scan

Kira000

Lauralou wrote: »

Hey all.

Hope everyones babies are fine:)

Had my midwife appointment yesterday, everything fine. She had a feel off bump and said she was engaged i think my face went like this=:eek::rotfl: but she said that it doesn't mean she will come any earlier. Measured me and i'm 33cm.

My hospital bag is half packed!

kira i'm also seeing the midwife every 2 weeks now. Must of been a shocked being measured 38cm, your midwife must not be too concern or she would send you back for another scan

Yep, 38 weeks was a bit unexpected as i was bang on last time a M/w measured me.:D
Wow! Engaged already.. My m/w couldnt really feel anything so didnt say anything about engaged or not! Took my word for it that bean was still cephalic. Reassuring.. not. She sounded a bit dubious about the 38weeks being quite big, but I just think she didnt want to have to refer me to my hospital as she doesnt know it, and isnt the usual community midwife for our surgery either. Still, i have made my 36 and 38 week appointments, so i might push for a scan t the 36week if i am still measuring big.

Its funny being due the same day and having such different measured sizes/positions already!
My baby bag is packed, my bag mostly packed. Just need a few more toiletries in it, a dressing gown, and a going home outfit. DH is realising he ought to pack the bag i assigned him to do with snacks etc.

Gillyx

I reallllly need to start thinking about hospital bags, instead I'm going to do my ironing :eek: I really am putting it off.. I'll be one of those ones rushing about before going to hospital no doubt

Aimless

I might start mine properly soon, I've got a lot of bits ready but nothing packed. I'm not expecting to go early, particularly not 6 weeks early, but with an estimate of over 6 pounds already, and described by the scan lady as head well down, I want to be readier than I am!

Just ironed all my baby sheets (not that there's many of them!). My other half's been faffing round hoovering cobwebs this weekend, I don't think the baby will notice them, but will soon notice we only have 2 fitted crib sheets! I'd also better start on washing the 0-3 clothes if we're going to have a big one.

jenjade

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