what can I do?

Kay_Peel

It sounds like your lady thinks she's Paris Hilton with a sugar-daddy to fund her lifestyle. :rotfl:

I sense that it's not just a question of her spending habits - it's more about the differences in your values and outlook. Every time she fritters away and indulges herself with gym memberships and the like, while failing to contribute to the joint enterprise of running a home and family unit, you must feel betrayed.

I'd make two suggestions:

(1) Joint counselling from an organisation like Relate. She really doesn't get it, does she? She really doesn't understand why you feel exploited and that she is damaging the partnership. Mention Relate to her and it may just make her see how desperate you are.

(2) Can I recommend a book written especially for women called Love is Not Enough
The Smart Woman's Guide to Money" by Merryn Somerset Webb

It's a cracking little book that has opened a lot of women's eyes to being financially savvy.

Good luck!

mademoiselle_2

I think you should be listening to what Violetta had to say.

My two cents worth: you should be worrying about what you DON'T know about. If your girlfriend is so free and easy with the cash you can see, just imagine what bills she is running up on credit - credit for which YOU may be held liable, if you are living together!

I would suggest you disbelieve all talk about her not having credit cards, asking her mum to hold her credit cards for her, etc. People with this kind of spendthrift behaviour learn to get very, very cunning.

I may sound like a doom merchant but you should know. She may well have applied for, and run up debts already, in your name. Ask yourself: does she know your favourite passwords? Your family names/ dates of birth, the kind of things that could get her access to credit in your name? Now, worry.....!

(sorry to sound so negative. It's just I've seen it happen too many times).

19lottie82

mademoiselle wrote: »

Ibills she is running up on credit - credit for which YOU may be held liable, if you are living together!

I don't think this is the case, but.....

I have to agree with the others OP, she is taking you for a ride! Maybe she doesn't see it like that, I have met people before who think they are "skint" because they can't afford to go clubbing 4 nights a week, because they can't afford that £300 jacket they want, they simply don't have a grip on reality.

As already discussed you need to sit her down, explain the finances of running a home and tell her she needs to set up a standing order to cover HALF of all the bills, the day she gets paid, or otherwise, as we so lovingly say in bonnie scotalnd, GET HER TAE FRANCE!!!!

blossomsuz

This may sound harsh but you have to be very firm in a situation like this.

Tell her (as suggested above) that she needs to set up a standing order as soon as she gets paid in order to pay you her contribution for the household bills. My DH gets paid weekly and isnt fabulous with money but I pay everything from my account and I take his bank card off him when he gets paid every week and put the amount needed per week to cover his half into my account. This way there are no arguments.

With regards to the food shopping I pay a week then he pays a week and so on and so on. We spend roughly the same amount every week anyways so this works out fair.

Be tough and tell her if she doesnt have the money to pay her week etc then she needs to do a basic shop of bread and beans from Aldi and that will see her through the week.

Being cruel to be kind is the only way to make people face up to financial responsibility. Although hubby is still rubbish he pays his way with the house always!

neverdespairgirl

Seanymph wrote: »

Personally I'd never fund anyone again - if they didn't want to be with me and pay their own way, I'd get out. Paying someone to be with you and avoiding making them take on responsibility isn't great for your esteem long term.

I'd agree in general, but there are exceptions - if one partner is pregnant, or staying at home to bring up the children, or has an accident and isn't earning while recovering. Those are different from the OP's situation.

Lunar_Eclipse

Fisher1981 wrote: »

Initially we agreed she would pay £400 towards household bills, she couldn't afford this so I asked her what she could afford..She said £200.
This does not include her 50% contribution to the food bill./QUOTE]

I suggest you go back to the drawing board and start over. Start with both of your incomings and outgoings, as well as differences in earnings and what you both consider fair.

I say this for two reasons. Firstly, it doesn't sound like you had a joint discussion about household finances (thus it's harder to get her buy in) but that you made a decision and then tried to get her agreement, which didn't work. List all the household expenses down on paper/computer/whiteboard so it's easy for you both to see what you need.

Secondly, with no rent/mortgage to pay, I'm wondering why your monthly household bills, EXCLUDING food, come to £800 (I've assumed you would match her £400) That is a lot of money! Perhaps she feels the same so is basically ignoring what you say. I don't think our bills amount to this, as a family of 4. It sounds like a realistic figure, for a couple, including food to me.

abbecer

If she is unable to live within her means now while she has a free home on tap how will she cope when you have a mortgage together?

January20

abbecer wrote: »

If she is unable to live within her means now while she has a free home on tap how will she cope when you have a mortgage together?

If she doesn't change her spending habits, getting a mortgage together would be financial suicide for the OP.

To add to mademoiselle's post, the OP will only be liable to his partner's debts if they are joint ie if she is using a card on his cc account, a joint current account or of course a mortgage in both name. He must also be careful that no account is open in his name without his knowledge, so it might be a good idea to keep an eye on his credit file.

euronorris

Lunar raises some good points. The no rent part had escaped my attention. But, having just had a quick look at my budget, it depends what's in included in the 'bills' section.

19lottie82

I think the OP said they were saving up for a deposit to buy a place....