His ex at our wedding?

Errata

Fast forward about 7 years and OH and I get back in touch after finding out that we live near each other. A while into our relationship, he gets a message from his ex to say that they should get back together. She knew that he and I were together. She later on messaged after being rejected that it was just a joke, she was drunk, etc. She has a boyfriend, and a daughter with the guy.

:eek::eek::eek: and he wants to invite her to his wedding? What if she gets 'drunk' again and drags him under the table for a quickie for old times sake? Tell him to get a grip, she's not very nice is she.

Threebabes

I wouldn't have the ex or the friends that I didn't like. Its supposed to be a special day for you both which costs a lot of money and if it were to spoil it for you, it would be a definite no invite.

Snowfall

abbecer wrote: »

I am friends with most of my hubby's ex's and him with mine. Before fully reading your post I thought it was just a case of jealousy and not wanting ex involved. After reading your post I think she has no right to be at your wedding with her disrespectful behaviour. If your husband to be would rather upset you than her I'd be wondering if we should be getting married at all. Hope you get it sorted out. xxx

He doesn't yet know that it is bothering me, as I didn't show much emotion either way when we talked about it and we moved on to discuss who else to invite, so we will talk about it again. I'm sure after he hears my feelings properly on the matter, we will cross her off the list.
Although it will seem bad that lots of people will be invited and not her, I do think that what she has done is very disrespectful. When he first told me about what she did this time, and last time around (although we were only 16 at the time), I was shocked, but laughed it off, especially the second time as it seemed rather desperate...

Snowfall

Errata wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: and he wants to invite her to his wedding? What if she gets 'drunk' again and drags him under the table for a quickie for old times sake? Tell him to get a grip, she's not very nice is she.

Hahah, yes, I suppose there is a risk of her trying on more desperate attempt, but I trust my OH 100% and he has very strong views on cheating, etc. It's not really that that I'm worried about, more the fact that I don't want someone I dislike at our wedding, who doesn't really have to be there (as opposed to a family member I don't get on with but would have to invite sort of thing).

Snowfall

Threebabes wrote: »

I wouldn't have the ex or the friends that I didn't like. Its supposed to be a special day for you both which costs a lot of money and if it were to spoil it for you, it would be a definite no invite.

I think it's a fine line, though. I can't just cross off everyone I dislike from his list. I would not be very happy if he crossed off people I felt close to. Just because I am not close to some people on his list, doesn't mean that I automatically have a right to cross them off because it's "my day"..

Well, I'd like to think I'm reasonable in saying that the people who I don't like so much can come to the evening for dancing and drinking and catching up with old school friends if he really wants them to come.

Brighton_belle

Snowfall wrote: »

Hahah, yes, I suppose there is a risk of her trying on more desperate attempt, but I trust my OH 100% and he has very strong views on cheating, etc. It's not really that that I'm worried about, more the fact that I don't want someone I dislike at our wedding, who doesn't really have to be there (as opposed to a family member I don't get on with but would have to invite sort of thing).

We get married next week OP and it has been important to me to only have people who we value and cherish and feel the same about us at our wedding. I think that is really important. Getting married is a very special and initmate thing - I wouldn't want to share that with any hangers on I knew a bit but rarely see. And certainly not this woman who means nothing to either of you.

jonty1970

Put your foot down and don't invite any of them! I would and OH would have to lump it!

Bu he wouldn't ever dream of inviting people I didn't like (I sound really bossy, but i'm not) but some things you have to put your foot down and say no.

It's your wedding day and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable.

make_me_wise

Snowfall wrote: »

Some time after they broke up, he and I got together. When she found out that we were together, she approached him to say that he should be with her, she regrets cheating blah blah.

Fast forward about 7 years and OH and I get back in touch after finding out that we live near each other. A while into our relationship, he gets a message from his ex to say that they should get back together. She knew that he and I were together.

She is not just an ex though is she. An ex stays well and truly in your past and does not interfere with your life or any future relationships you choose to have. This lady (I use that term lightly) has tried twice to get back with your fiance despite knowing you were with him.

Mutual friends or not I think you would be very wise to insist she is not invited to your wedding. So what if her feelings are hurt or her nose put out of joint. This will be your special day and I feel if she is invited it will ruin it for you. Your fiance should be concentrating on what will make you happiest on your wedding day, not considering inviting someone along who has been so disrespectful of you more than once.

If he refuses to budge on this I will be honest and say I would question why.

Errata

Snowfall wrote: »

Hahah, yes, I suppose there is a risk of her trying on more desperate attempt, but I trust my OH 100% and he has very strong views on cheating, etc. It's not really that that I'm worried about, more the fact that I don't want someone I dislike at our wedding, who doesn't really have to be there (as opposed to a family member I don't get on with but would have to invite sort of thing).

Clearly not strong enough to stop him inviting a woman to his wedding who cheated on him and was prepared to cheat on her OH with him.

Threebabes

Snowfall wrote: »

I think it's a fine line, though. I can't just cross off everyone I dislike from his list. I would not be very happy if he crossed off people I felt close to. Just because I am not close to some people on his list, doesn't mean that I automatically have a right to cross them off because it's "my day"..

Well, I'd like to think I'm reasonable in saying that the people who I don't like so much can come to the evening for dancing and drinking and catching up with old school friends if he really wants them to come.

I had a small wedding, thank goodness. Invite the ones that you aren't close to, just don't invite the ones you don't like. Im sure if you spoke to him you could come to some compromise. If you are at the stage of a relationship that you are getting married surely you can tell him how you feel :eek: about it all.