How much access father to a 13 month Baby

KiKi

DanE2010 wrote: »

im not syaing this is the case for every mother but when I left my baby at my mothers for an overnight stay my mum gave my baby formula and it totally messed up my breast feeding for about a week.

In fairness, the OP said a bottle of *expressed* milk. So it sounds to me like he's being very considerate and fair to both son and the mother.

DanE2010

KiKi wrote: »

In fairness, the OP said a bottle of *expressed* milk. So it sounds to me like he's being very considerate and fair to both son and the mother.

sorry OP I didnt read it right I thought you said formula!

And I wasnt saying he was being inconsiderate or unfair in any way whatsoever I was merely stating it was something to be considered (as in if he was going to give the baby formula which is how I orignally 'mistakenly' read it)

KiKi

DanE2010 wrote: »

sorry OP I didnt read it right I thought you said formula!

And I wasnt saying he was being inconsiderate or unfair in any way whatsoever I was merely stating it was something to be considered (as in if he was going to give the baby formula which is how I orignally 'mistakenly' read it)

And that's how I meant it too: you said it was something to be 'considered' - and I said he was being 'considerate' (as in considerate of that issue!) because he'd already seemed to have taken that into account!

Anyhow, we're on the same page!

('Considerate' is a funny word when typed out a lot.)

Hagar_uk

I have to say the bond with my son, has grown, of course there was the initial love for the son as soon as he was born, but the bonding does grow if that make sense, if your baby is quite young it can be hard for a father to feel connected to the baby as the mother does, especially if they are exclusivly breastfed when young

DanE2010 wrote: »

A final note though its nice to see a bloke handling his responsibilities, my babies dad has visited twice in 3 months! Ideally I would like my baby to see him every weekend or every other weekend at least so they are bonded, unfortunately it hasnt happend.

Hagar_uk

That kind of contact is how we both saw it happening, it started off, with you can see him as much as you like, and I was all set to sell my house which I had kept, and find somewhere closer,when drawbridge comes up. I don;t want my son growing thinking mum and dad are two separate worlds with different rules etc, I want to parent together even if apart, it can be done

seafarers_wife wrote: »

my brother see's my nephew nearly every day. they werent "together" when they had him, it was just one of those things that happened so no real issues to fight through.

nephew stayed overnight with my brother at my parents house from around 4/5 months old once a week and even now that he is about 18 months old my brother still sees him almost every day even though he is now working and doing shift work. nephew stays over once a week still but its now mainly my parents that do the looking after him as its their time with him as his dad is usually at work.

obviously this works for them as they only live 5 mins away from each other and my parents encourage nephew's mum to feel part of the family and have given her house keys etc so that she doesnt feel like a visitor. of course she doesnt treat the place like me and my brother do but give her time and she will be making herself cuppas without being asked if she wants one.

DanE2010

Hagar_uk wrote: »

I have to say the bond with my son, has grown, of course there was the initial love for the son as soon as he was born, but the bonding does grow if that make sense, if your baby is quite young it can be hard for a father to feel connected to the baby as the mother does, especially if they are exclusivly breastfed when young

yeh that makes sense to me, when babies are very young and their personality hasnt shone through yet and all they do is sleep, eat and go to the toilet it can be hard to 'bond' instantly, it comes with time and also making the effort to keep in contact and visit on a regular basis to build that bond - which you have done and I expect you find it extremely rewarding.

clearingout

Hagar_uk wrote: »

Its all hard, and i would never want to do anything to harm my son, if he was a clingy baby for his mum, I would hold off, he loves daddy time, and has no issue leaving his mum for our days out, he is very independent baby if that makes sense. breastfeeding does him the world of good, but the odd bottle of expressed milk, will not hurt him I am sure

that assumes the baby is happy to take a bottle. Not all will - my first two switched between boob and bottle without any fuss. The third one was going nowhere near a bottle, even when obviously starving! Then there's 'nipple confusion' to deal with in a younger baby (not an issue at 13 months though!).

If your baby is happy to go with you, you are clearly doing OK with things and should be able to work towards overnight stays without too much difficulty. My third one had overnights with dad from 13 months but he had two brothers to be with as well - I am not sure how much that helped, but I guess seeing that they were happy would have given him some reassurance that all was OK, even if he felt a bit wobbly about me not being around. On the other hand, he may well have been happy to be rid of me - no way of knowing!

gratefulforhelp_2

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Surely 50/50 should be the starting point, one parent is not more important than the other.

And the baby is more important than either, 50/50 is not always best for the child.

Hagar_uk wrote: »

Its all hard, and i would never want to do anything to harm my son, if he was a clingy baby for his mum, I would hold off, he loves daddy time, and has no issue leaving his mum for our days out, he is very independent baby if that makes sense. breastfeeding does him the world of good, but the odd bottle of expressed milk, will not hurt him I am sure

It sounds like you are both bein reasonable, as clearing out says not all babies will take a bottle (he is quite old to learn that now, maybe?) and not all women can express milk.

Well done your ex for b/f and you for supporting it in your way - I think your forbearance now will pay dividends later.

princessdreamer

It sounds like you have a good arrangement. I never understood the need to have children overnight, while my ex has never had my children at all since we split the idea of them crying on a night for me breaks my heart. Just because someone has a legal right does not mean they should do something. The children should always come first.
OP I think you are doing brilliant working together to sort access. Try to stay away from courts if you can it only causes pauin.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It sounds perfectly reasonable for the age of the baby. Maybe this time next year would be good at looking for an overnight stay on Saturdays? then by the following year, possibly Friday night as well.