How much access father to a 13 month Baby

Hagar_uk

I am curious to those seperated mothers, how much access do the fathers have to their babies, just curious how I compare, In my case split was friendly as it could be, no courts we both want whats best for baby, I have him Saturday and Sunday 9-6 then following week Sat 9-6 Sunday 9-1.

Kimberley82

When I was little my dad had me every weekend.

My friend has split from her husband had they share the 6 month old 50/50

flutterby_lil

so you (i guess male) have your DS every saturday 9 - 6 and then every sunday one week 9 - 6 the other 9 -1? Any overnight stays in that or just daytime?

We had my partners DD every sunday 12 - 5:30 from her being born until she was 15 months and now have her every other weekend 12noon saturday until 5:30pm sunday.

DaisyFlower

Surely 50/50 should be the starting point, one parent is not more important than the other.

clearingout

many of us want 'what's best for the baby'...the problems start when you can't necessarily agree on what that actually means. The official CAFCASS line on babies is 'little and often' which in reality is very hard to manage when a relationship has broken down - I certainly didn't want my ex on my doorstep more often than necessary! Then there's breastfeeding....separation anxiety.....

Hagar_uk

flutterby_lil wrote: »

so you (i guess male) have your DS every saturday 9 - 6 and then every sunday one week 9 - 6 the other 9 -1? Any overnight stays in that or just daytime?

We had my partners DD every sunday 12 - 5:30 from her being born until she was 15 months and now have her every other weekend 12noon saturday until 5:30pm sunday.

Just day time at the moment, I would like to have him other night, but as she is breast feeding, so impossible.. I ideally would like to have some form of joint residence, while my sons mum is great on practical side, her lifestyle choices I think may been he may benefit from a more stable daddy time environment

Hagar_uk

Googlewhacker wrote: »

If you are happy then fair enough but no overnight stays?

Not happy about this, looking to change in teh future, but mother is reluctant...if I push it she will say as she has done before, take me to court. If thats the case, there is little chance of overnight access for a few years and reduction in current access. fathers are usually worked over, she would get legal aid, I would have to fork out 15K in lawyer fees

onetomany

Hagar_uk wrote: »

Not happy about this, looking to change in teh future, but mother is reluctant...if I push it she will say as she has done before, take me to court. If thats the case, there is little chance of overnight access for a few years and reduction in current access. fathers are usually worked over, she would get legal aid, I would have to fork out 15K in lawyer fees

not really the earlyer you start over night acess the easyer the child will adapt to it i dont think it will be as much as 15k but its the only way to get it in wrighting and not spending the next ten years with her having a hold over you

Hagar_uk

clearingout wrote: »

many of us want 'what's best for the baby'...the problems start when you can't necessarily agree on what that actually means. The official CAFCASS line on babies is 'little and often' which in reality is very hard to manage when a relationship has broken down - I certainly didn't want my ex on my doorstep more often than necessary! Then there's breastfeeding....separation anxiety.....

Its all hard, and i would never want to do anything to harm my son, if he was a clingy baby for his mum, I would hold off, he loves daddy time, and has no issue leaving his mum for our days out, he is very independent baby if that makes sense. breastfeeding does him the world of good, but the odd bottle of expressed milk, will not hurt him I am sure

seafarers_wife

my brother see's my nephew nearly every day. they werent "together" when they had him, it was just one of those things that happened so no real issues to fight through.

nephew stayed overnight with my brother at my parents house from around 4/5 months old once a week and even now that he is about 18 months old my brother still sees him almost every day even though he is now working and doing shift work. nephew stays over once a week still but its now mainly my parents that do the looking after him as its their time with him as his dad is usually at work.

obviously this works for them as they only live 5 mins away from each other and my parents encourage nephew's mum to feel part of the family and have given her house keys etc so that she doesnt feel like a visitor. of course she doesnt treat the place like me and my brother do but give her time and she will be making herself cuppas without being asked if she wants one.

DanE2010

Hagar_uk wrote: »

Its all hard, and i would never want to do anything to harm my son, if he was a clingy baby for his mum, I would hold off, he loves daddy time, and has no issue leaving his mum for our days out, he is very independent baby if that makes sense. breastfeeding does him the world of good, but the odd bottle of expressed milk, will not hurt him I am sure

im not syaing this is the case for every mother but when I left my baby at my mothers for an overnight stay my mum gave my baby formula and it totally messed up my breast feeding for about a week.

My baby got constipated prob cause of the change from breast to formula and back again and also my milk supply decreased which I didnt expect from only not breastfeeding for one night! I tried to express but could only get half an ounce after about 30-40 mins so that wasnt an option.

My baby was then hysterical every feeding time because the milk wasnt coming quick enough and it took about a week for my milk supply to get back to normal.

I will never mix feed again just because of the hassle it caused!

So that might be something you will both need to consider in regards to visitation.

A final note though its nice to see a bloke handling his responsibilities, my babies dad has visited twice in 3 months! Ideally I would like my baby to see him every weekend or every other weekend at least so they are bonded, unfortunately it hasnt happend.