Reporting Abuse

MandM90

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Who in their right minds would allow a child to stay over with
- people she didn't know
- people who drank heavily
- people who lived in a filthy house
- bearing in mind the the 'indecent exposure' incident ?????

I note that she was 'grateful for time on her own'. Lucky her! In doing so, she put her daughter at grave risk.

She was neglectful and wilfully blind to the dangers. It makes me so angry - grrrrrr/

No wonder her child is thinking of or has already turned Childline.

I hope you can do something to help this child.

Completely agree with this. She should be thinking of her daughters welfare, and the safety of other children rather than covering her own actions. I've had days where DD makes me feel like pulling my hair out/putting her on eBay but letting her stay at someone's house who, by your accounts, likes to drink a little too much and doesn't seem to have normal social bounderies is really just bad and irresponsible parenting and now she needs to face the consequences. It's a shame her daughter suffered them too.

jamespir

i think unfortubatly you can only suggest they do something if she does not want to take it further they cant prosecute him

flowerpower11

I will call the helpline tonight but not disclose any details of my friend or her daughter, I hope that it will be enough for them to take seriously. I will encourage my friend to calll too.

I find it reassuring that many people that have commeneted feel its something that needs reporting because I was starting to think I was over reacting.

maz1964

hiya

let us know what happens next, unfortunately its still going on in the world and not being dealt with will not fix things in the future

i think you are very brave but be there still for your friend and her daughter,

we all have a responsibility towards our children and barnardo's are also very pro active in protecting our kids, not sure if they too have a helpline

just a thought dont let us be blinded - let us be more aware of the world around us and let our children be as safe as we can offer them

take care all maz

noodles86

Although I feel it does need reporting, it really is down to the girl as if they wanted to take it further she would need to give a statement to police, court (if it went that far) which is a really hard thing to do.

I do think the idea of an anonymous letter to the police maybe an idea though?

flowerpower11

maz1964 wrote: »

hiya

let us know what happens next, unfortunately its still going on in the world and not being dealt with will not fix things in the future

Thanks, I will

flowerpower11

noodles86 wrote: »

Although I feel it does need reporting, it really is down to the girl as if they wanted to take it further she would need to give a statement to police, court (if it went that far) which is a really hard thing to do.

I do think the idea of an anonymous letter to the police maybe an idea though?

I agree - I am not going to tell anyone her name but I think he needs looking into and I do understand what a huge thing this would be for my friend and her family.

madnessandmayhem

McKneff wrote: »

What you must do is butt out and leave your friend to deal with it in her own way. Full stop.

Maybe someone 'butted out' before and this man was allowed to do it again to the op's friends daughter.

I do agree however that the op shouldnt name her friend or the daughter-ring one of the helplines posted and ask for advice-as you say op this could just be the tip of the iceberg. Offer your friend your support and advice-how would she feel if she were to find out that he had done it previously and it wasnt reported? she could stop this from happening to someone elses child-some things are more important than her reputation

Lotus-eater

flowerpower11 wrote: »

She also confessed that she is worried that people may think bad of her for allowing her daughter to spend so much time there and she will come out looking like a bad parent.

She is a bad parent and it seems she is more worried about how she is perceived than stopping a man abusing other children, or getting her daughter some help.

Nice person.

ChasingButterflies

flowerpower11 - I understand that you want to help your friends daughter (and you sound like you are genuinely there for her) I think the best thing you can do is find the contact details for the nearest Rape Crisis centre (when I went they were called Rape Crisis & Abuse Survivors Centre) IME the people who work/volunteer there have 1st hand experience of everything she will be going through. I found that they provided the best source of support to me when dealing with the abuse I went through.

With regards to (the child) reporting the abuse she sould not be forced into this... She is not responsible for his actions both in the past and in the future.

I reported my abuser to the police (as I was scared he would start to abuse my younger cousin) the police were tbh really good especially when it came to taking statements (and this was 15 years ago) however my family/ his friends weren't so impressed. As it turned out the PF (we are in Scotland) deemed me to be "an unreliable witness" The Police officer who dealt with my case was utterly shocked that they had chosen not to prosocute him.

This left me in the situation where I had been ostracised (sp) by most of my family, intimidated by his friends and feeling let down by the system. When all I was trying to do was protect others from him...

tbh If the child involved isn't getting the support she needs from her mother (which I can sympathise with) please let her know that you are there for her.