Help with my partners child and her ex

Tom_Saunders

I'm sorry but he's right you are NOT his Dad, I'd be the same if this happend to me.

I would be devastated to hear my childrens call someone else dad.

Your partner is also out of order trying to stop he seeing her. Your child is not his brother it's his "Half" brother and you are nothing to do with him really, you just live with his Mum.

Sorry if you don't agree with this but you want people's opinions otherwise you wouldn't have asked.

All the best.

All this about how he was it their relationship is NOTHING to do with you. She obviously loved him very much to have a child with him.

You in my opinion should back off,

djdido2

Tom_Saunders wrote:

I'm sorry but he's right you are NOT his Dad, I'd be the same if this happend to me.

I would be devastated to hear my childrens call someone else dad.

Your partner is also out of order trying to stop he seeing her.


All this about how he was it their relationship is NOTHING to do with you. She obviously loved him very much to have a child with him.

You in my opinion should back off,

it depend5 on the circum5tance5. the child may be hurt and confu5ed over dad5 5tupid irre5pon5ibilitie5 and it i5 obviou5ly affecting him/her???

He i5 looking after them both that i5 the rea5on they are together.

The op did 5ay he doe5 not have any involvement i think he'5 a5king for help a5 they very clearly need it.!!

5ome dad5 don't de5erve to be called dad a5 they don't act like one!!

gilly41

Hi
I fully appreciate what a difficult situation it is ---however I would suggest the little boy doesnt call you dad! I am speaking from experience. My stepson, now 23 years old , was "not allowed" to see his wonderful dad( and my hubby is a brilliant father) for 8 years. He was made to call his mums new partner dad and to this day he tells me it really upset him!!He obviously doesnt call him dad now that he is older and understands everything! At six years old he will only do as you and his mum ask!
Just a little bit of advice---it does really confuse a child.
Good luck
xx

victory

can I give you the adults advice on a the child?
I was 'mentally abused' by my own mother at the age of 6, 7 etc and it stays with you, you can be just doing anything and all of a sudden remember what was said, how it was said, it really is a life long thing and very damaging to a child.
If you can get the poor mite away from such terrible behaviour as it goes on more than wetting the bed,etc it stays in the mind... xxx

Slapps

i'm a single mother with a small child and i just want 2 know if when the child gets a ickle bit older and wants 2 call my b/f dad how do i stop him cos i feel that my b/f took on me and my son as we're a package and therefore i talk 2 my b/f about things that r happening bwtween me and my ex where my son is concerned. is this bein a bad mum ? or is it right 2 let my son choose wot he wants 2 do in his life? i've had 2 step mum's in my life the 1's i called mum the second not so unless i'm havin a laugh. i'm gonna let my son decide if he wants 2 call my b/f dad as i will never inforce this on him and i will let him decide if and when he wants contact with his father(donor(who doesn't seem that interested in keepin reg contact as the last time he saw him wos 19th march 06). i feel that no matter wot u do 4 the best in ur childs health and life, just remember that u will have 2 explain later 2 them y u did the things u did.
ok rant over lol

jonnyb1978

Thanks again for all advice. I would like to clear things up.

I particularly dont want to take his Dad away.
He has no parental responsibility. They where never married.
It took my partner to have the baby to actually pluck up the courage to leave him.
He has another child with someone else who had an injunction out against him for some reason.
I am not getting involved as such but seeking advice. I will obviously support my partners decision only if it seems in the best interest of the child.
As for calling me Dad, i have never told him to. He just started saying it by himself with no pressure whatsoever. Im not bothered what he calls me as long as he knows i am there for him which he does. I was in the same boat once and still am. My Dad is a clown and my Step Dad has been more of a Dad although i call him by his name i introduce him to people as my Dad.
My partner is not trying to stop him seeing his Dad but looking for a solution to stop his mind games and total irresponsibility that is affecting a 6 year child whose behaviour and health is suffering and in my opinion will only get worth.

I could go on and on with a list of endless things he is doing that affects the poor child.

Anyway, thanks again

victory

good luck with it xxx

Tom_Saunders

yes i agree, best of luck.

jocymru75

jonnyb1978

I do feel for you in this difficult situation, as my partner is in the same situation as you.
Your g/f needs to get advice a.s.a.p. regarding the various issues, as it can have serious effects on the little one if it isn't. My eldest son is so confused and has problems understanding what is going on,(even though we don't discuss anything in front of him, his father really turns the knife sometimes) and it really isn't fair on him!
There are solicitors in my area which give free advice for the first hour of consulting, so check with your local CAB to see if there are any in your area.

Make a list of everything before you go as it gets quite confusing.
Ask if you can right things down as you go along.(this will come in handy if you represent yourself in court, further down the line)

You're doing a great job! Be strong! Good luck!

Taloola78

If the child is wetting the bed after his visits then this for me would be enough to stop my child from seeing him.
How do you know what he is saying to the child when he visits hos dad, sounds to me like the ex is using the child as a weapon and really should be ashamed of himself.
As someone has said already being a sperm donor does not make you a dad. And having your son in such a state that he wets the bed every visit he has with you isnt very good parenting in my book.
Johnny you seem to be keeping a sensible head of things and you should feel proud that the little boy looks upon you as a dad.
My advice would be to see a family lawyer and explain the things that are happening when he visits his father.
They may suggest sending a letter to your partner's ex stating that he needs to get his behaviour sorted when he is with his child or visits may be stopped or supervised.
Sometimes when people are angry they dont realise the affect it is having on others. He may need this pointing out to him.
Good luck with it.