Marrige.

dark_lady

What annoys me is the way society views a sexless marriage and the way it seems to change according to gender.

If a man is withholding sex,cuddles,or intimacy of any kind (and yes men DO do this,its just not talked about) the consensus from society seems to be that women should put up and shut up,especially if she has kids. After all if you have kids and you are a woman you dont need the sex and affection any more right?!!!

Whereas if its the woman withholding the intimacy then the attitude seems to be oh yes its ok for the man to go elsewhere because he needs his oats right!

If someone is withholding affection from their partner and refusing to discuss the problem,refusing counselling then that is emotional abuse whichever gender is displaying the behaviour.
Why doesnt the person who doesnt want intimacy with thier partner anymore end the relationship.
Why is it always the responsibility of the woman to keep a marriage/relationship togerther.

*sits and waits for someone to post that if the man doesnt want sex with their partner then its because she has let herself go,put on weight etc*

make_me_wise

dark_lady wrote: »

*sits and waits for someone to post that if the man doesnt want sex with their partner then its because she has let herself go,put on weight etc*

I agree with you. The above has already been asked of the OP earlier on in the thread!

Gavin83

I agree that either partner not wanting sex anymore is as bad as the other.

However if one partner asks the other why they no longer want sex and they tell them they no longer find them attractive is that acceptable?

Mojisola

Bella79 wrote: »

I just need to ask some other for their opinions on marriage/relationships, i just need to be blunt and write it all down.

I dont know if to stay in this marriage thats safe secure and he loves me so much, and i do love him, but im not sure in the right way, or is there more to marraige than this?

I hope this isn't too blunt in return - if, the next time he goes out in the car, he didn't come back but you had the police on the doorstep because he'd been killed in a car accident - would part of you feel relieved or would you be devastated?

If you would be devastated, there's something worth fighting for in the marriage.

Some couples are absolutely everything to each other and they don't need much in the way of friends. Others find friends provide outlets for the parts of their personality that their partner doesn't share. Sometimes, when the disaffected partner gets out and about more, the pressure is off the OH and the relationship picks up. Worth trying as he sounds such a good man.

dark_lady

Gavin83 wrote: »

I agree that either partner not wanting sex anymore is as bad as the other.

However if one partner asks the other why they no longer want sex and they tell them they no longer find them attractive is that acceptable?

Listen Gavin i lost ten stone between early 2002 and late 2003 and my husband STILL didnt want it with me.

I think as a society we have to accept that sometimes its not all down to appearance and the problem can run much deeper than that.
And this may be hard for some to accept but some people are simply asexual and just dont want intimacy of any kind. Its not always the fault of the person who is being refused and to perpetuate the myth that it is simply allows the refuser to get away with this kind of emotional abuse. And it becomes abuse when the person refuses to discuss it,and refuses to go to counselling and the attitude towards women who are being refused intimacy in their marriages seems to be put up and shut up !!!!!.

Bella79

Hello all,

Thankyou for all your comments, i know hes a good man and im lucky to have someone who loves me so much and so unconditionaly, ive made him a nice dinner tonight, and im really going to try and sort this out, hes worth it,im worth it our family is worth it.

I have a lot to be thankfull for i know that.

DUTR

dark_lady wrote: »

Listen Gavin i lost ten stone between early 2002 and late 2003 and my husband STILL didnt want it with me.

I think as a society we have to accept that sometimes its not all down to appearance and the problem can run much deeper than that.
And this may be hard for some to accept but some people are simply asexual and just dont want intimacy of any kind. Its not always the fault of the person who is being refused and to perpetuate the myth that it is simply allows the refuser to get away with this kind of emotional abuse. And it becomes abuse when the person refuses to discuss it,and refuses to go to counselling and the attitude towards women who are being refused intimacy in their marriages seems to be put up and shut up !!!!!.

In fairness 10 stone is a good weight for a person, so shedding 10st is a headline figure really 20st down to 10 ? 28st down to 18? there is a difference. In the case of the OP's partner (or anybody else's) it could be he is suffering some kind of ED. Sometimes it can be reversed via blue pills , sometimes just a change of model

dark_lady

DUTR wrote: »

In fairness 10 stone is a good weight for a person, so shedding 10st is a headline figure really 20st down to 10 ? 28st down to 18? there is a difference. In the case of the OP's partner (or anybody else's) it could be he is suffering some kind of ED. Sometimes it can be reversed via blue pills , sometimes just a change of model

Looks like i didnt have to "sit and wait" for long. This proves that i made the right decision by talking about this in more depth on a completely separate forum on a another website.

By the way it was 21 stone down to 10 stone 6 and dont worry. I did end up having an affair so i got mine in the end:cool:

dark_lady

And the marriage vows were broken by OH first. "With my body i thee worship" Not discussing it etc. Sex is supposed to be a part of marriage. Any good Christian cleric will say that.

Gavin83

I'm not saying it's always down to appearance, it could be hundreds of reasons, was asking a simple question relating to appearance. A partner should always be willing to discuss it though.