Marrige.

Bella79

Hi,

I just need to ask some other for their opinions on marriage/relationships, i just need to be blunt and write it all down.

Ive been married 5 years to a man who is caring and trustworty,honest. Hes a good person and we have a 4year old daughter, but our relationship it just not working, there are no gambiling,alcahol,trust issues at all, but we have nothing to talk about, we never laugh together, he never makes me laugh, im quite a bubbly person where as hes more reserved and quiet.

When we first met i knew these things about him, but i thought the fact that we had simlar morals and values would be enough, even though there wasnt the inital spark, over time love grew between us.

Im outoging hes not, he prefers to stay at home, i love my home but i would like to go out as a couple and laugh together, but when we do go out its silence, and as for s*x well its been 4 months now and counting, we have had issues in this area in the past, we never seem to "gel" in this area either.

however where together, theres no major arguments or upsets, im just wondering if this is normal in a marrage ? laughter ? love? intamicy?, i know the s*x and spark doesnt last but should it still simmer below the surface ?

In the past he was a bacholar and work shy to say the least, hes had to grow up fast with a wife and child, he has been spoilt a little, there where times where all he did was moan about work having to work and had a attitude that the world owed him a living!, hes better now and has a regualr perm job, but boy does he moan everyday about it!, during the time he was flaky with work i think i lost respect for him as a man, and even though hes doing it now i cant help the way i feel.

I dont know if to stay in this marriage thats safe secure and he loves me so much, and i do love him, but im not sure in the right way, or is there more to marraige than this?

Im sorry for rambiling just need to get it all out

DUTR

As far as I know there is no such thing as a text book relationship, grass sometimes looks greener. Laughter??? Should have married a clown if you want a laugh, it's not a knock, get a comedy dvd if you want a laugh, indeed no point going around moping , but someone cannot be a constant laugh. As for intimacy everybody's needs vary, you mention a lot about the hubby but what about you? Does he still fancy you? Sometimes couples have children and put the children so much up front that they forget what brought them together in the 1st place.

Bella79

I dont expect him to be a clown, i jst want some rappor with him, conversation and enjoyment together, yes he does still fancy me , well i think so, he always tells me so, and trys to be affectionate, although it doesnt go any further than a hug.

We are quite lucky in that my mother has our dd once a week on a sat night, so we do get time together, but we never have anyhting to say to each other!, i try to chat but hes just one word answers which makes it hard on the conversation.

babymoo

Do you have time away from each other? Other than work? Do you go out and do things with friends? I struggled with this for a while with my DP, but when we both got seperate lives it made our life together so much better. We are now always laughing together, never really stuck for something to say and we do lots together. It take compromise on both sides and yes I do believe that values and morals are what glues me and DP together and its taken a while to find what we have in common, which by the way is very little. But for us it works.

You will get there, do you enjoy the same music? genre in films? Etc?

DUTR

Bella79 wrote: »

I dont expect him to be a clown, i jst want some rappor with him, conversation and enjoyment together, yes he does still fancy me , well i think so, he always tells me so, and trys to be affectionate, although it doesnt go any further than a hug.

We are quite lucky in that my mother has our dd once a week on a sat night, so we do get time together, but we never have anyhting to say to each other!, i try to chat but hes just one word answers which makes it hard on the conversation.

It's always a difficult one, folk that know me know I'm one for a laugh and joke, but it does not mean I'm like that all the time, your hubby could be the same, or if you have other life stresses going on then those could have an indirect affect upstairs, nice to see though that you allow your own quality time on a regular basis :j

Molly41

Sounds like the situation is salvageable to me but Im not living it on a daily basis. Marriage or any relationship is an ongoing and evolving process and sometimes both of you need to re-connect. How about arranging a date night on a Saturday night and then take it from there on a day-by-day basis. Try not to be too hasty in making a decision one way or the other but see how things evolve over the next 6 months to a year.

Lotus-eater

Do you ever watch comedy together? That can get you laughing and can get a decent atmosphere going, you looking and laughing with each other.
I recommend Lee Nelson atm. BBC3. Very funny.


As someone else said, no 2 marriages are the same. And what he finds is acceptable, obviously isn't to you. You're going to have to tell him, just maybe that you aren't getting out of it what you need to be happy atm. You know he's a good man, just you need a bit more ooomph.

It's difficult to complain about sex to men, as it's their belief in themselves that allow them to be a good lover, start putting doubts in their minds and it can all go wrong. Maybe start by saying that you love the way he holds you and you remember the great sex you used to have and can't we do that again and maybe spice it up a bit after that, when it's started.


You have to be happy, it's no good spending your whole life unhappy, good man or not.

missyp123

Have you spoke to him about how you feel? He night be feeling the same in some ways???

We have a little one too and have been marrried 7 years, things do get like this. children put a big toll on relationships and i think you need to be realistic that all relationships have there highs and lows.

If on the other hand you are questioning if you are in love with him or not then that is something you need to work out.

like others have said, time to your selves to go see a show, dvds, meals out etc do actually work. We have made a point of having date nights every 2 weeks when little one goes to nannys and it works! evenif its cuddling on the sofa and having a glass or two, just that time alone to talk

thegirlintheattic

Do you spend most of your time outside of work together? This might explain the talking/laughter issue to an extent. OH and I talked a lot more when we were living apart, simply because we had more to talk about filling each other in on our days/funny moments etc. Now there is less general chat because most of our non-working hours are spent together. I don't mind it personally.

CH27

If you are more sociable than him start doing things with your friends & work colleagues occasionally.
Go to see a film together then you talk about it rather sitting in silence in a pub.

As for the s*x part, only you can decide if you can live in a s*xless relationship

niknaks

Of course you should have shared laughter - and enjoyment/pleasure in being together if you are married. I think it's the enjoyment you are missing out on.

Obviously I don't expect you to answer - but is there someone else? If there isn't someone else and you still feel this way, then as hard as it would be I think you should consider moving on. If there was not a child involved I would say it was a clear cut case.