PMT & Relationship Advice

thunderbird

I don't think people should be 'telling' you when you should be having children!
It is early days in your relationship though and you are are young, so I would enjoy being a couple for now and plan/save for the future.

Your OH has chosen to be with you, that is what you need to focus on.

Definitely go back to the GP but, if possible, see a different one from before.

delain

blondy24 wrote: »

Thank you for all your kind comments and understanding, I really appreciate it.

Thunderbird - The doc's have never been that interested when I have spoken in the past at various surgeries. My PMT was the main reason I went on the pill at 18 been on about 4 different ones and they make things better than when I wasn't on them. Just worry about the future when I am not on the pill if I will get worse. I think I should book another time to go and see the doc's, no harm in trying again. I have been told to wait at least 3/4 years before having a family as OH and I have only been together over a year and him/my family want his kids to be all grown up I think. Just a bit fed up with people telling me how long I should wait to get married/have kids etc.

I appreciate it will be our first time to get married/kids but just half my mind things about he has done it all before with his ex who lives on the same estate. I know I can't change the past just feel cheated in a way.

Definitely go back to see another doctor, and make it absolutely clear just how much it affects your life and relationship.

And tell your family it's your life, you'll live it how you please and they can stick their 'advice' especially as from an outsiders POV it sounds like orders.

fluffnutter

blondy24 wrote: »

My OH has been married before and got children, I have never been married and got no children. I have always longed for this though. I am being told to wait a few years before we have kids by various people (including my family).

What does your other half think? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks (including your family). Have you talked about having children together? Just because he's already got kids doesn't mean he doesn't want any more. Obviously I don't know whether he does, but it's not clear from your post whether you do either.

If you want children, talk to him! Perhaps he wants some more too

I've also heard lots of women say that having children really helped their PMT too, so win-win!

fluffnutter

blondy24 wrote: »

Thank you for all your kind comments and understanding, I really appreciate it.

Thunderbird - The doc's have never been that interested when I have spoken in the past at various surgeries. My PMT was the main reason I went on the pill at 18 been on about 4 different ones and they make things better than when I wasn't on them. Just worry about the future when I am not on the pill if I will get worse. I think I should book another time to go and see the doc's, no harm in trying again. I have been told to wait at least 3/4 years before having a family as OH and I have only been together over a year and him/my family want his kids to be all grown up I think. Just a bit fed up with people telling me how long I should wait to get married/have kids etc.

I appreciate it will be our first time to get married/kids but just half my mind things about he has done it all before with his ex who lives on the same estate. I know I can't change the past just feel cheated in a way.

The past is what's made him the man you love - don't feel threatened by it or cheated. It's gone - you're his future.

I think it's your longing to have a family that makes you feel you're in some way diminished; that everything that went before is more important and more real because it resulted in what you really want - marriage and children.

He's chosen you, he loves you, and I have every faith that marriage and children will come along in their own good time. I also believe that when you do, you'll lose these sad feelings about the past. Talk to him and don't give up on your own dream, but there's no rush, lovey, there really isn't. You're so young and I think you're just feeling a little side-lined and insecure.

SueC_2

blondy24 wrote: »

I don't want to go on anti-depressants but just want help.

But anti-depressants ARE help!

They help to even out the peaks and troughs in your mind, so you are more able to focus on and deal with the issues you are facing.

I think too many people view anti-depressants as tranquilisers that will just numb them to everything. It's really not like that these days!

I'm no expert, but please don't dismiss them out of hand. Talk the whole situation through with your doctor and see what approach they think is best. I'm guessing it may well be a combination of hormone treatment, talking therapy and anti-depressants. Once this treatment plan is in place you will be in a far better position to address the relationship issues you describe.

Be strong.

adamantine

first off stop listening to other people. sit down with your OH and talk about when you both want to have kids. yes you need to take his kids into consideration with potential jealousy but you have 9 whole months to sort that out and get them used to the idea of a new baby if they do have any jealousy.

i also suffer from PMDD and i am a nightmare and so emotional in the week before my period then literally the day my period starts im like a different person! the world is rosy again! i think you need to go back to the doctors (see a different one this time) and, with a list written down, tell him/her all your symptoms, how it affects you and your OH and everything and get some proper help.

you say you dont want to go on anti-depressants but they may be an option. think of them as a means to an end. they help you feel better so you can deal with the real problem. they are nothing to be feared and nothing to be ashamed of. ((hugs))

ETA depression and PMDD is a medical illness caused by hormone imbalances. some people see these types of illnesses as "all in your head" or whatever but they really are not.

ramblinghaggis

blondy24 wrote: »

Hello,

Please don't judge or critise me for what I am writing just need to discuss my issues with someone.

I am having a low point today, I suffer from bad PMT which I have had for over 15 years (I am 28). I live with my OH and have a job and nice home which we rent.

My hormones are up and down and I am currently on the pill to help elevate it along with taking a high dose of B6. I get so emotional with it and can't stop crying or shouting, sometimes even thinking of just giving up on everyday things.

My OH has been married before and got children, I have never been married and got no children. I have always longed for this though. I am being told to wait a few years before we have kids by various people (including my family). Is there any other woman out there in the same situation as me who has always longed for marriage/kids and is broody yet finding it hard to deal with their OH being through it all before and it won't be the first time for them. Feel in a way robbed of all the things like us being married for the first time in our lives, having children for the first time. I have a great bond with his kids although feel like his ex has taken all what I want in my life. I can't work out whether it is me being paranoid or my PMT that is causing havoc.

Everyone is telling me I have to deal with it (his past) yet it is not just like a switch you can turn off how you feel.

Want any advice from anyone in this situ or anyone suffering from bad PMT please.

Thanks x

I was diagnosed with PMDD about four months ago now.It really started after the birth of my last baby. For two weeks of the month I would be fine. Soon as I ovulated it was all downhill. I had awful suicidal thoughts, cried all the time, was highly irritable. I was a total mess. Luckily my GP was quick to diagnose and put me on the mini pill to see if that would help. If it didnt she was going to try antidepressants at that time of the month. Thankfully for me, it worked and I am now my normal self.

Start keeping a diary and be totally honest in it. No matter how irrational you are feeling. Go and see your gp, tell them how badly this is affecting your life.

blondy24

Thanks for all your help, so glad I posted on here.

I have just been reading something about National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome do you think this would help?

OH and I do want children I am going to sit him down later and have further talks about when etc. I love him to bits and he is my soulmate just scared of losing him/pushing him away with all my issues in my mind.

Thanks x

skypie123_2

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pmdd-extreme-pms-438114.html

Never underestimate the chaos that PMDD can do with your life! I used to feel suicidal and then when my period started it would lift!
My GP at my old practice diagnosed me, thank God she did because I thought I was going mad!
Since then I have never found a GP who knew anything much about it.
I had to find things out for myself but I have a Mirena now, Citalipram but the thing that made the difference was the Bio Identical Progesterone cream. After 2 months of using it the difference was so great that even my OH noticed the difference.
This is after years of suffering.
Every little thing would be blown up into something massive!
Even things that wouldn't normally bother me.
Please look into the above things and other things the ladies on here have suggested.
Don't suffer alone!
xxx

euronorris

blondy24 wrote: »

euronorris - thanks for your sound advice. Yes feel insecure about her living so close, also because she is pretty and I don't feel like I live up to the standards. I know I am harsh on myself, just wish sometimes she lived a million miles away.

Whose standards? Your's, or you OH's? Cos, you know, if you didn't meet your OH's standards/needs/desires, he wouldn't be with you, would he?

So, I suspect it is yourself who is setting these standards. Save yourself the heartache, and accept that your OH loves you for you! He CHOSE you! After all, you didn't put a go to his head and say 'DATE ME OR ELSE' did you? So, he's with you, and not her, because that is what he wants!