PMT & Relationship Advice

blondy24

Hello,

Please don't judge or critise me for what I am writing just need to discuss my issues with someone.

I am having a low point today, I suffer from bad PMT which I have had for over 15 years (I am 28). I live with my OH and have a job and nice home which we rent.

My hormones are up and down and I am currently on the pill to help elevate it along with taking a high dose of B6. I get so emotional with it and can't stop crying or shouting, sometimes even thinking of just giving up on everyday things.

My OH has been married before and got children, I have never been married and got no children. I have always longed for this though. I am being told to wait a few years before we have kids by various people (including my family). Is there any other woman out there in the same situation as me who has always longed for marriage/kids and is broody yet finding it hard to deal with their OH being through it all before and it won't be the first time for them. Feel in a way robbed of all the things like us being married for the first time in our lives, having children for the first time. I have a great bond with his kids although feel like his ex has taken all what I want in my life. I can't work out whether it is me being paranoid or my PMT that is causing havoc.

Everyone is telling me I have to deal with it (his past) yet it is not just like a switch you can turn off how you feel.

Want any advice from anyone in this situ or anyone suffering from bad PMT please.

Thanks x

skypie123_2

i can't help with the other things but have you looked into whether you have PMDD?
I do and your symptoms sounds like mine. I would get a virtual breakdown each month before my period and it affected everything in my life, it was like a mania took hold that would lift when my period started.
I currently have bio-identical progesterone cream from a private dr and citalopram from the dr and its helped massively
Hugs to you!
xxxx

blondy24

Thanks skypie, I went to the doctors and by hormonal issues when I was about 22/23, I was there in floods of tears about my life and how it affected my hormones, I was referred to a counsellor, who asked me to fill in a questionnaire, I stated at the time I had thought unhappy thoughts about my life as a whole and he told me to get a book from the library and read it (that was the solution apparently).

I believe things that happen in life make my issues worse and this morning I shouted at my OH and told him I had enough and needed him to think of an idea how I can deal with his past and it's not just a light switch moment. I then started crying stupidly and thinking silly thoughts. I don't want to go on anti-depressants but just want help.

Thanks for the support, if I didn't want kids in my future I would seriously consider a hysterectomy to get rid of my PMT.

whitewing

I think go to the doctor and discuss your PMT symptoms. There is more stuff around to help now than ever there was when I was young and suffering.

If you're like me, you can have fleeting worries but PMT does make it a little irrational.

I had a son before I met my husband. But it was the child I had with my husband that made the 4 of us a complete family. I think you are disappointed and that's understandable, but you can't change it unless you change your man. Your baby - when the time is ready - will add an extra dimension to your family and will genetically link you to your man's first-borns. It does also have a huge advantage that your man will have experienced the downsides of parenthood before and he will therefore be realistic about the changes and be better able to support you.

euronorris

Haven't been in that exact situation, but am feeling very broody and have to wait before we start a family as we need to get certain things in place first. That is difficult enough as it is, especially with so many friends and family who are either pregnant or have newborns.

But.....there isn't really much I can do about that. So I focus on other things instead. At the moment, our apartment is a project. I want it tidy, clean and decluttered. It's much nicer like that, and we will be more ready for a move once we are in a position to buy somewhere.

Also focussing on healthy eating, living on a budget, clearing debts, and getting in shape. All will come in handy before any new arrival comes along.

What I will say though is that you can't change your partner's past, and neither can he. So, if you want to be with him, you will need to find a way of accepting that these will not be first experiences for him. There is a plus to be had with that though, he has already experienced things, so he knows what to expect, how to prepare, how to support you properly, what illness are normal for a baby, and what needs medical attention. He'll be able to stay calm, and guide you through it. So, change your viewpoint and start thinking 'My God, he has so much INVALUABLE experience to share with me.'.

I hope that helps.

xx

euronorris

I would go back to your GP and ask if you can see a different counsellor.

Also, I think your hormones are having an effect on your life, not the other way around.

And, try to focus on the things you can change, and then set about changing them, and accept the things you cannot change, and work around them. It is you that needs to do this, not your partner. By all means, ask him to support you and let him know how best he can do that, but he can't fix things for you sweetie.

And, be kind to yourself. If you feel yourself getting stressed and upset, take a time out, have a nice bath, have some chocolate etc, whatever makes you feel good and will relax you a little.

thunderbird

Has your gp ruled out any other possible reasons for your PMT, polycystic ovaries for instance? I have a friend who suffers from that and she thought for years that it was just PMT and there was nothing she could do about it.
I have personally found that certain pills make PMT type symptoms worse - have you tried different ones?

Regarding the issue of not doing things for the 1st time with your OH - well it will be the first time with you, so that is what you need to focus on.
Incidentally, why are people telling you to wait before starting a family?

blondy24

Thank you for all your kind comments and understanding, I really appreciate it.

Thunderbird - The doc's have never been that interested when I have spoken in the past at various surgeries. My PMT was the main reason I went on the pill at 18 been on about 4 different ones and they make things better than when I wasn't on them. Just worry about the future when I am not on the pill if I will get worse. I think I should book another time to go and see the doc's, no harm in trying again. I have been told to wait at least 3/4 years before having a family as OH and I have only been together over a year and him/my family want his kids to be all grown up I think. Just a bit fed up with people telling me how long I should wait to get married/have kids etc.

I appreciate it will be our first time to get married/kids but just half my mind things about he has done it all before with his ex who lives on the same estate. I know I can't change the past just feel cheated in a way.

euronorris

People can give their opinions, but it doesn't mean you have to do as they wish. It is your life, and your choice, so it is only you and your OH who need to agree on when to get married and start a family. Ignore the others, or politely but firmly thank them for their input, but it is your choice and you will do as you see fit.

Why do you feel cheated by his past? It's his past for a reason. He's done it all before, but it didn't work out, and now he's with you. Is the actual problem that the ex is so close? Do you feel a little insecure about them being so close, location wise?

blondy24

euronorris - thanks for your sound advice. Yes feel insecure about her living so close, also because she is pretty and I don't feel like I live up to the standards. I know I am harsh on myself, just wish sometimes she lived a million miles away.

Sammy85_2

Have you looked at longer term contraception, such as the implant or pills which remove your period altogether?

I had the implant, it took away my PMT and periods. Its suitable for upto 3 years at a time, but i had mine removed after just over a year as we brought forward our baby making plans. It had zero effect on my fertility afterwards (and i was on the pill for 9 years before that), i had it removed in January and found out i was pregnant in March.

It doesnt have the same effect on everyone and they have a pill version which is often used before the implant so that if you dont settle on it they havent had to put in the implant and then remove it again. I was also told if i didnt settle down on the implant after a month they would double up and give me the pill ontop in order to settle it down.

x