Partner moving in help

jakem_2

janninew wrote: »

I've been in this exact situation myself (except for the baby!) and I was so worried that I called the solicitor who had done my divorce for advice. He told me that my partner should not contribute anything to my mortgage or repairs on the property, this way if we split, he had no chance of getting any percent of my homes value.

Just a thought..... but say the partner didnt pay towards mortgage or repairs and you split up, and perhaps the partner turns nasty and says he did pay half but you have no proof, say for example he told his solicitor he handed you the cash every week/month, how could you/he prove otherwise?

Pee

It is important to ensure that he does not get any interest in the property, whilst still hopefully making him feel loved and included in your new child's life.

If he is not living with you, you would be eligible for CSA payments. It might be worth calculating what this would be. My view would be he should pay a similiar amount to this, one half of the food, one half of the bills. This conversation is a big one because how you manage to express what you want will affect your whole relationship. You both need to talk for a result that you can both live with.

All too often there are people on here who have rushed into a commitment and found they were not happy with how the law works. You are being very sensible to consider this.

I would have thought with a new baby you would want him living with you for support.

It is actually quite hard for an unmarried cohabitee to get a right to a property, but still, don't take any risk.

janninew

jakem wrote: »

Just a thought..... but say the partner didnt pay towards mortgage or repairs and you split up, and perhaps the partner turns nasty and says he did pay half but you have no proof, say for example he told his solicitor he handed you the cash every week/month, how could you/he prove otherwise?

I'm not sure, surely it would be up to the 'nasty' person to provide proof that they had paid? A large amount being withdrawn every month could be seen as proof maybe? Before we got married my partner set up a standing order to my account every month for a set amount, I could clearly show that this was to cover half the bills exactly and not the mortgage payments (wasn't nearly enough!)

Luckily for me things worked out ok, but I was very wary, that's why I would always say get legal advice.

thegirlintheattic

Mojisola wrote: »

It seems crazy to move in a life partner and the father of your child and have him contribute less to the household than if you took in a lodger.

I wouldn't let him move in while I felt that unsure of the future of the relationship.

This is the crux of the matter. From the OPs post she sound very unsure of this new relationship

RAS

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

McKneff if he does this then he can, in theory, claim part of the house if they spilt.

No

He can pay rent and a contribution towards bills and food and that gives him no rights.

He must not have his name on bills or pay towards the mortgage. later he can pay half the cost of raising the child.

However if the Op considers marriage she needs to make sure that she has a deed of trust sorted out to protect the property and to make a will covering the situation, made in anticipation of marriage.

However, they have not been together long and I think moving a partner in with a teenage daughter needs to be considered very very carefully.

cheepskate_2

Mojisola wrote: »

It seems crazy to move in a life partner and the father of your child and have him contribute less to the household than if you took in a lodger.

Isn't this what men do all the time.

Funny when its a woman earning more or with assets, the advice is totally different.

too late now, but really if you are starting to think about how lowly paid he is, should you not have got your priorities sorted before laying down.

I love how you look at it - if he moves in i will loose £400. No you wont, you will get £400 more as your combined income.

zcrat41

Provocative comment cheepskate - most men only do that after marriage and babies but there you go.

OP - Take some legal advice. I always thought if you aren't married stuff doesn't get split but I'm a random - you need proper advice. Don't let this chap take advantage of you, make sure he's manning up and sharing his bit of responsibility. Sounds like you've been doing really fab on your own so make sure if you change the status quo it's for someone fab who deserves you and your daughter.

Good luck
zc

Mojisola

cheepskate wrote: »

Isn't this what men do all the time.

Funny when its a woman earning more or with assets, the advice is totally different.

I don't know whether that's true - there have been a couple of threads recently where a GF was moving into a BF's house. The advice was much the same as given in this thread.

Kay_Peel

Ask yourself this question: 'would I let this man into my life and into my home if I wasn't pregnant?'

I suspect that your answer would be a resounding 'No'.

You sound very unsure about the relationship and you haven't been together very long anyway. You are mindful that it will mean a huge loss of income and that he will probably be unable to make up the difference. The thought of a straight talk about your fears and needs is causing you stress and anxiety - something that is not good at your stage of preganancy. You have a house and a car and a daughter and it sounds like he hasn't got any of these things. Unless you know and love him deeply, I think you may grow to resent the loss of income and your freedom.

Personally, I would ask him to postpone the move just for the time being.

angel3130

Thanks for all your replies. The £400 a month I would lose is the Working Tax Credit I get now for being a single parent. I am not just thinking about money but if I go on maternity leave and hardly have any then it obviously comes a big problem.

To add more stress to the story he's moved out of his mum's house and has nowhere else to go. He doesnt want to move back in with her for various reasons. I do want him to be living with us but I'm just confused over what to ask him for. Should I be asking for half the bills when there is my daughter to consider too as I receive money for her (Tax/working tax credits and maintenance) so should he be paying a third of everything?

He did have a well paid job as a pub manager but had to work away and do long hours which meant me driving hours to see him or hardly seeing him at all so he came back and took the first job he could.