Partner moving in help

angel3130

I'm 10 weeks pg and havent been with my partner long so dont live together. We obviously want to but I'm confused and stressed over what he should be contributing towards. I own my own home (on a mortgage) with my 15 yr old daughter for whom I get maintenance from her dad for. I also own my own car and he doesnt drive. If he moves in I'll lose around £400 a month which is around half his wage. Is it reasonable to ask for this from him? I'm also on a low wage from a full time job and on not much more than him. He was living with his mum but has now moved out in the expectation he's moving into mine.

I'm thinking I will be better of living seperately from him because I'm losing sleep from the stress of it as I'm worried when I go on maternity leave I wont be able to afford everything.

Any advice anyone?

Gillyx

I think if he is living with you it's reasonable to contribute to bills, food etc. Would this cover the £400?

McKneff

Have you spoken to him about it, if not, you really both need to sit down and have a full and frank discussion about it.

£400 a month from him seems reasonable, for rent, bed, board and food. He'd be paying a sight more than that if he was lving
independantly

What he pays to his parents for bed and board is irrelevant, he is taking on more responsibility for himself, you and yours.
and start as you mean to go on otherwise 6 months down the line you 'll be resenting him.

mademoiselle_2

Well I think you should consider very carefully what you really, really want.

You have a lot to lose if this relationship doesn't work out and he has moved in. Like the roof over your (and your children's) head.

If he already has a place to stay, why rush into this? Keep things as they are, and see how you get on when the baby has arrived.

Resist any pressure from him to let him move in! Formally stepping over the threshold will be the equivalent of a lottery win for him, after all. He becomes entitled to half of all you have, while not having to put anything on the table himself ( I am assuming that if he lives with his parents, he has no property of his own).

That's a nasty way to put it, I know, especially if you are in love... but you have to consider this.

Good luck with your decision!

angel3130

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Mademoiselle - this is why I was confused over what he should contribute to. I thought if he just paid for shopping he would have no claim over anything.

McKneff

No, not just shopping, he needs to pay rent, to contribute towards gas electric water food, and any other household expenses.

Is your daughter quite happy for him to move in.

thegirlintheattic

McKneff if he does this then he can, in theory, claim part of the house if they spilt.

OP, it sounds like you are very unsure about this and have been thrown in at the deep end. Have a frank discussion with him, he does not have to move in, also consider your daughter. If you are going to move him in make sure he pays nothing that could be classed as contributing to the mortgage or upkeep of the house, this means no rent. It's fine to ask him for money for the shopping and the like, bascily anything that is more expensive because he is there.

McKneff

No problem with him paying rent as long as he signs an agreement to say it is rent or even says so in front of witnessess.

If he just pays the extra gas, water etc, he'll get a house to live in for around £50 quid a week, not right if they are living as a couple.

Any

McKneff wrote: »

No problem with him paying rent as long as he signs an agreement to say it is rent or even says so in front of witnessess.

If he just pays the extra gas, water etc, he'll get a house to live in for around £50 quid a week, not right if they are living as a couple.

Agree with this.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

hm - if you are a "couple" and you want to continue as "a couple" then he should pay half the bills etc - HOWEVER - saying that (And im going to get shot for this!) If my partner told me i needed to sign a document to state i was only a lodger then I'd tell him to go do one and wouldnt move in with him because i would see it as "he doesnt think we will last" kind of thing. (But thats just me - and i totally understand why you wouldnt want him to take half your house after you brought it - not a contridiction - I see it from both sides but if i was in the situation i'd be living alone)

BitterAndTwisted

Don't charge him "rent". He pays for the extra Council Tax once you are not entitled to the 25% discount, half of the utility bills and a fair share of the grocery shopping. Nothing else: no contributions towards repairs and maintenance of the property, no furniture, no holidays in lieu of rent. Nothing.