Spent years hiding away and running, literally in cases, from this...

RAS

CookieCrisp wrote: »

Hiya
Currently I don't, not csa etc but he will help out with school bits and take the kids out for day trips etc which I find is more helpful at the moment. Bearing in mind that my ex is also doing the same for the 2 children that are not his I am very grateful.

So he gets to be Mr big daytrip and you are the one who keeps them in rags?

You may want to reconsider this.

CookieCrisp wrote: »

The other father has just been released from prison after serving 8yrs for rape. I have an injunction and he won't be seeing the kids and as far as I am aware, this means I cannot apply for csa from him

Not true, children are not pay per view. Although I doubt that he will be working at the moment

RAS

CookieCrisp wrote: »

The above debts are from 2000-present...but as I said, they do not include all, I don't understand this? I mean I know I should 'know' how much all my debts are, who they are too etc but after so much running, hiding and kidding myself things would be ok, I seem to have lost the plot with them.
The Avon one, above, for instance was from 2005, I thought that debts older than 6 yrs were wiped if not repaid? Or would this be an old wives tale?

The Statute of |Limitations covers debt sin England an Wales. if you have paid nothing towards them in 6 years and have not made any written acknowledgement, then unless there is a CCJ, the creditor cannot win if they take you to court.

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

415SanFran wrote: »

I think the problem here is that OP doesn't want to let down the people that have been good to her, the letter writers are not so much the issue.

Correct me if I am wrong OP.

The trouble with the letter writers are that they are from companies that often add interest on top of interest, where as family and friends debts are at 0%. Hopefully some of the older debts will be statute barred if they are mainly charges/interest.

I'm not suggesting the OP should change anything with regards to paying her friends and family back. It's really a great thing that the OP is committed to paying it all back first and foremost. As these debts are important to her, they certainly should be in her SOA.

It's also clear that Cookiecrisp wants to know who she owes to and at what amount and that will give her some relief.

Letters have to be opened to get a clear understanding. I think that with the template letters and advice given on here the OP has lots of ways to make the letters stop.:)

razzie50

Well done for coming on here and posting. I am fairly new to posting on here despite being registered for ages. We signed up with the CCCS over 6 months ago and they've been really helpful. They'll talk you through everything and go through a good budget with you. The thing that really surprised me was that we were actually allowed to budget and pay for clothes, haircuts, birthdays etc when previously I would skip getting my hair cut for the sake of paying something else.
Alternatively make an appointment at the Citizens Advice Bureau, though I have no personal experience with them but I think they will do the same with you
Good luck
xx

CookieCrisp

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt wrote: »

Just to address a couple of your questions. Yes, some of your old debts may be statute barred (after 6 years no payment, if defaults haven't been added) so that means they can't chase it or take you to court over it. So I'd hold off making any payments to debts that maybe of this age.

If I am completely honest...most of debts in the soa have been for over 6yrs, it seems to be the most recent ones ie: bt, sky, virgin etc that aren't showing? Is there a way to find out everything that I owe?

You maybe able to get the charges waived for the Halifax account. I'd keep hold of any statements that say you were only £5 overdrawn. You maybe then able to make an appointment in branch, offer the token payment of the original £5, explain your situation that you had moved etc. If they don't close the account on the spot then you can send letters to their head office and go down the hardship route. There are templates on here that will help with that.

I really hope this is the case as I can't help but feel that amount of charges on top of an only £5 debt is immense. I have already repaid the £5 that I was overdrawn by included in a letter stating what had happened, and that I felt it unfair, also asking to for an appointment to try and work something out with the bank. As far as I know they are still adding £5 daily charges onto the debt. I haven't heard anything back and this was more than a month ago.

There are plenty of things you can do to tackle these debts that don't require more and more money - just effort/time. You are by no means the first to be in this situation and you are nowhere near the highest debt amount on this forum. We all know how it feels, we promise it gets better.

Thank you, I am starting to feel that way now, I feel a million times better for just being on here to be honest

By tackling your debts now, there will come a point when you can afford to buy the things that you need for your kids without worrying. It's not that far away!

I really hope so!

CookieCrisp

dancingfairy wrote: »

Hi Cookie - you sounds like you've had a rough time, and more than that you are giving yourself a hard time. What I would suggest is working on your SOA - you're going to need money to buy clothes, the odd birthday present, haircuts etc so if you start by putting those in they won't spring up and bite you later. Even if you just open another bank account (with a different) bank and pop 10 pound a month in for these (you probably need a bit more than that though).
Once you have your budget a bit better I'd work out what you can afford each month to repay the debts - even if you can only reapy each friend a small amount. I'm sure they would rather know that you are doing your best and reapying a small amount than going without and getting in a worse mess - they must know things are difficult for you.
The most important things in life are keeping your family fed and clothed etc and everything else is kind of secondary (even out country owes millions and youare definitely not the first or the last to owe money to people).
What would you advise a friend in your situation? You need to apply the same kindness and strategy to your self -ie small steps, 'you're doing a great job' etc etc.
df

I find it really difficult to sit down and justify spending money on haircuts, clothing and presents (even though i do buy these things) which makes it difficult for me to work out a budget that includes them, does that sound off?
I really can't lower my repayments to friends & family, it would kill me and I don't want to see them lose out because of my mistakes

CookieCrisp

dancingfairy wrote: »

P.S Cutting down and not buying things execessively is great but you sound like you have taken things a bit too far and need to accept that no matter how much your creditors jump up and down and send snotty letters that actually your family comes first (no matter what the creditors think).
df

I have tried to explain to creditors that I am single, have 4 children etc etc and they all seem to feel I am playing the 'poor you, lets pity me' card, which I am not but I just can't seem to get them to open their eyes and listen to me

CookieCrisp

sickasachip13 wrote: »

Hey Cookie,

I just wanted to say that you are doing bloody well - life hasn't made it simple for you, but you're a mum to four and, I'll bet, a great mum and you're obviously a warm and intelligent person. Give yourself a pat on the back for your achievements.
Thank you, that means so much to me right now
I don't really know enough to give specific debt advice but would say that you've made a HUGE step by acknowledging them and deciding that something needs to be done about them. We've got big debts and we've found talking to CCCS incredibly useful - they can give you advice and won't pressure you into making any decisions or choosing specific routes. They are good people, totally non-judgemental, are a charity and will give impartial advice. They also respond to queries on a thread at the top of this main forum page 'ask a debt counsellor a question' or something similar.
If I'm honest, I'm a bit scared of calling places like CCCS I think mainly because I don't know what will happen? Also, at the moment, I haven't got any solid payment plans with these creditors only with family/friends so its a bit like, whats left goes to who comes out of the hat first if you see what I mean? I really do need to sit and sort a proper budget but the thought scares me stiff
Also, please remember that there are millions of people out there in debt, literally millions. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that you're a failure. For me it means that I made some poor decisions and then had a bit of sh!tty luck but, it happened, and the most important thing is the next step not the past. Also remember that the creditors simply can't have what you haven't got.

The very best of luck. Keep talking and getting support from here.

Thank you for your support

CookieCrisp

415SanFran wrote: »

I think the problem here is that OP doesn't want to let down the people that have been good to her, the letter writers are not so much the issue.

Correct me if I am wrong OP.

Yes! That is it down to a tee, if anything I would love to repay them more each month

CookieCrisp

RAS wrote: »

So he gets to be Mr big daytrip and you are the one who keeps them in rags?

You may want to reconsider this.
Not so much because if I went through csa they would only take payment for 2 of the children, at least this way my eldest two aren't left out in the cold, this situation seems to be working well for us and to be honest, I don't mind that maybe he is seen as the Mr big daytrip as they are happy and that means a lot to me, obviously. Also, I see them every day, he's sees them on a weekend, I think it would be unfair of me to take that special time away from not only him but also the children as they have done nothing wrong if you see what I mean?


Not true, children are not pay per view. Although I doubt that he will be working at the moment

I'm sorry but although I agree with the children not being 'pay per view' I also feel that even if he was working, which like you say, is very doubtful, he would eventually want to see my girls again and as he would had been paying csa he may well be entitled in a court of law to see them, obviously I don't know how this would work but the thought petrifies me and is something I would stand by no matter what