Spent years hiding away and running, literally in cases, from this...

judi24

My heart goes out to you - it sounds like you have had a rough time - what ages are your children? have you considered doing some training to try to get out of the benefits trap? I trained to be a nurse as a single mum with 2 very small children (2 and 3) - i have had another 2 since then - but it can be done and may give you the feeling of some control and a way out of your current situation - don't get me wrong I ended up with debt through trying to train, pay child care and live on a bursary and working as a care assistant on days off - but now its almost paid off, I have a good job, 2 kids at uni and 2 at school - not saying its an easy route but definately worth it!!!

CookieCrisp

judi24 wrote: »

My heart goes out to you - it sounds like you have had a rough time - what ages are your children? have you considered doing some training to try to get out of the benefits trap? I trained to be a nurse as a single mum with 2 very small children (2 and 3) - i have had another 2 since then - but it can be done and may give you the feeling of some control and a way out of your current situation - don't get me wrong I ended up with debt through trying to train, pay child care and live on a bursary and working as a care assistant on days off - but now its almost paid off, I have a good job, 2 kids at uni and 2 at school - not saying its an easy route but definately worth it!!!

Morning, thank you Judi, right now I work 16hrs at an outreach centre for the homeless, when I met my older girls dad I was 12 and left home, slept rough for almost 3yrs before falling pregnant with my eldest, I would love to become a social worker or outreach worker working with homeless children and teens. I know its only 16hours if that some weeks but it helps keep my sanity, the thing is, there is no real course for outreach work its more adding bits on like health and social care etc etc and reallife experience, which I love but at the moment I live in the middle of no where, well, ok not no where but the buses run every 2 hours if they decide to come through the village anyway, a taxi to the train station costs £10 each way and I don't currently have a car as I was quoted an amazing £189 a mth for car insurance, so I rely heavily on lifts etc to work and town. Im just a mess, it feels like what ever I do to try and better myself I get it wrong and end up worse off.
My children are 9yrs, 8yrs, 5yrs & 3yrs

415SanFran

You don't live in Cambridge area do you?

Not being nosy, but if you are sort of near me perhaps you would let me help you out.
I do alot of shopping from approved foods and have stacks of stuff that I have bought in bulk, that is part of my mental health issues, however when I am feeling well (like now) I try to get rid of it all, and i can think of no-one better than you.
If you only had to by fresh stuff for a month or so that would help right?

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

Hi Cookiecrisp,

Well done for coming on here. You need to re-do your SOA to include all your debts to friends/family and the monthly payments you make - everything.

Which debts are you still getting letters for?. If there are debts in your SOA that you haven't heard from in a while, put an * by the debt, these can be investigated later on down the line.

This is the tough bit, have a look at your bank statements, the reasons you needed the loans. The things that you spend on there are the areas you need to budget for in your SOA.

Keep re-doing your SOA until it's true to what goes out of your bank each month, unknown or old debts can be listed last and marked with an *.

Just to address a couple of your questions. Yes, some of your old debts may be statute barred (after 6 years no payment, if defaults haven't been added) so that means they can't chase it or take you to court over it. So I'd hold off making any payments to debts that maybe of this age.

You maybe able to get the charges waived for the Halifax account. I'd keep hold of any statements that say you were only £5 overdrawn. You maybe then able to make an appointment in branch, offer the token payment of the original £5, explain your situation that you had moved etc. If they don't close the account on the spot then you can send letters to their head office and go down the hardship route. There are templates on here that will help with that.

There are plenty of things you can do to tackle these debts that don't require more and more money - just effort/time. You are by no means the first to be in this situation and you are nowhere near the highest debt amount on this forum. We all know how it feels, we promise it gets better.

By tackling your debts now, there will come a point when you can afford to buy the things that you need for your kids without worrying. It's not that far away!

CookieCrisp

415SanFran wrote: »

You don't live in Cambridge area do you?

Not being nosy, but if you are sort of near me perhaps you would let me help you out.
I do alot of shopping from approved foods and have stacks of stuff that I have bought in bulk, that is part of my mental health issues, however when I am feeling well (like now) I try to get rid of it all, and i can think of no-one better than you.
If you only had to by fresh stuff for a month or so that would help right?

LOL how did you know that? I live in a village nr Royston but originally from Cambridge, I do hours at Jimmys nightshelter and Wintercomfort
Ive been shown approved foods before (the website?) and it looks very good but like you say its bulk buying and when Im trying to just stick to the bare minimal to get by for the month its hard to justify spending 99p on 6 if I can get the one I will use for 20p or so if that makes sense?

CookieCrisp

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt wrote: »

Hi Cookiecrisp,

Well done for coming on here. You need to re-do your SOA to include all your debts to friends/family and the monthly payments you make - everything.

Which debts are you still getting letters for?. If there are debts in your SOA that you haven't heard from in a while, put an * by the debt, these can be investigated later on down the line.

This is the tough bit, have a look at your bank statements, the reasons you needed the loans. The things that you spend on there are the areas you need to budget for in your SOA.

Keep re-doing your SOA until it's true to what goes out of your bank each month, unknown or old debts can be listed last and marked with an *.

Thank you, I will have to do that later today, I kinda of rushed it and then when I started typing lots of other things fell out onto the page too lol, I gathered up all my old paperwork last night but need to nip out today to try and pick up some school coats for the kids (they go back on monday! yay! kinda!) but when I am home I shall sort it 100%

dancingfairy

Hi Cookie - you sounds like you've had a rough time, and more than that you are giving yourself a hard time. What I would suggest is working on your SOA - you're going to need money to buy clothes, the odd birthday present, haircuts etc so if you start by putting those in they won't spring up and bite you later. Even if you just open another bank account (with a different) bank and pop 10 pound a month in for these (you probably need a bit more than that though).
Once you have your budget a bit better I'd work out what you can afford each month to repay the debts - even if you can only reapy each friend a small amount. I'm sure they would rather know that you are doing your best and reapying a small amount than going without and getting in a worse mess - they must know things are difficult for you.
The most important things in life are keeping your family fed and clothed etc and everything else is kind of secondary (even out country owes millions and youare definitely not the first or the last to owe money to people).
What would you advise a friend in your situation? You need to apply the same kindness and strategy to your self -ie small steps, 'you're doing a great job' etc etc.
df

dancingfairy

P.S Cutting down and not buying things execessively is great but you sound like you have taken things a bit too far and need to accept that no matter how much your creditors jump up and down and send snotty letters that actually your family comes first (no matter what the creditors think).
df

sickasachip13

Hey Cookie,

I just wanted to say that you are doing bloody well - life hasn't made it simple for you, but you're a mum to four and, I'll bet, a great mum and you're obviously a warm and intelligent person. Give yourself a pat on the back for your achievements.

I don't really know enough to give specific debt advice but would say that you've made a HUGE step by acknowledging them and deciding that something needs to be done about them. We've got big debts and we've found talking to CCCS ( http://www.cccs.co.uk/ ) incredibly useful - they can give you advice and won't pressure you into making any decisions or choosing specific routes. They are good people, totally non-judgemental, are a charity and will give impartial advice. They also respond to queries on a thread at the top of this main forum page 'ask a debt counsellor a question' or something similar.

Also, please remember that there are millions of people out there in debt, literally millions. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that you're a failure. For me it means that I made some poor decisions and then had a bit of sh!tty luck but, it happened, and the most important thing is the next step not the past. Also remember that the creditors simply can't have what you haven't got.

The very best of luck. Keep talking and getting support from here.

415SanFran

I think the problem here is that OP doesn't want to let down the people that have been good to her, the letter writers are not so much the issue.

Correct me if I am wrong OP.