Spent years hiding away and running, literally in cases, from this...

CookieCrisp

Hi all...wow big step, I have been 'hiding' from this realisation for a good few years now, in the hope that it will go away on its own or I will win the lottery or even that I shall walk down the street and a cheque to cover everything will fall spectacularly from the sky into my bag and transport me to the bank...delusional, right?

Anyways...Here I am, so please be gentle! I am likely to miss things out and get confused with it all, facing up to it I seem quite easy to buckle under pressure right now and run again, which I am determined not to do!

Here is my SOA:

[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]

Household Information[/b]
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 4
Number of cars owned.................... [b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]
Monthly income after tax................ 0
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 1373
Other income............................ 0[b]
Total monthly income.................... 1373[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 40
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 20.2
Telephone (land line)................... 11
Mobile phone............................ 15
TV Licence.............................. 18.75
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 26
Groceries etc. ......................... 240
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0[b]
Total monthly expenses.................. 370.95[/b]
[b]

Assets[/b]
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0[b]
Total Assets............................ 0[/b]
[b]

Secured & HP Debts[/b]
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 0........(0)........0<
Avon...........................115......(0)........0<
Capquest ......................177......(0)........0<
British Gas....................11.......(0)........0<
Debt Managers Ltd..............509......(0)........0<
Lowell Portfolio Ltd...........823......(0)........0<
Natwest .......................264......(0)........0<
Natwest........................1910.....(0)........0<
Halifax........................818......(0)........0<
Provident......................171......(0)........0[b]
Total secured & HP debts...... 4798......-.........-   [/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR[b]
Total unsecured debts..........0.........0.........-  [/b]

[b]
Monthly Budget Summary[/b]
Total monthly income.................... 1,373
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 370.95
Available for debt repayments........... 1,002.05
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 0[b]
Amount left after debt repayments....... 1,002.05[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -4,798
Total Unsecured debt.................... -0[b]
Net Assets.............................. -4,798[/b]

[/font]

Right now, I am concerned...the debts above are what is written in my credit expert file...I know there are other debts, some recent, some before, I also know I have one CCJ which seems to have been taken over by Marstons who have been nothing but barbaric bully apes with me lately!
The above debts are from 2000-present...but as I said, they do not include all, I don't understand this? I mean I know I should 'know' how much all my debts are, who they are too etc but after so much running, hiding and kidding myself things would be ok, I seem to have lost the plot with them.
The Avon one, above, for instance was from 2005, I thought that debts older than 6 yrs were wiped if not repaid? Or would this be an old wives tale?

I suppose, what I'm saying is, I think I would find things an awful lot easier to tackle 'head' on if I knew I have EVERYTHING owed in front of me, knew exactly which ones were wiped off due to age, which ones I could ask to be returned to court and looked at again etc etc

Oh gosh, yes also...The one for Halifax, I opened the account and moved house several times, looking at old bank statements I was overdrawn by £5 yep thats it a massive, insanely embarrassing huge £5...now my debt has spiralled to a HUMONGOUS £818! How can they justify that? Is there not a law that stops them from charging so extortionately, I mean this isnt even over a long period, possibly 6-8mths at most. I have even paid the £5 into the old account and written to them to explain what happened and heard nothing back at all. Is there anyway I can get that debt reduced/cleared to the crazy circumstances and immense fees and charges in a short space of time?

Also, the Natwest ones, omg I feel like such a fool to have let them talk me into this one, at the time I had 3 children, I went overdrawn by £30odd, the bank called me and asked me to go into branch and discuss this, I did so, I was offered a GOLD account with them even though I told them that I would not use any of the benefits, considering my mobile phone was worth less than £20, I do not own a car, I can only dream of ever entering a plane and flying to some distant exotic location etc etc etc. The person I spoke to said that it would help 'build' up my credit profile, so I agreed foolish of me wasnt it? Anywho, I phoned them back after a few months and demanded my money back due to being pushed into the sale and subsequently missold the product, I received all the monthly fees I had paid them back plus compensation of £20 (I think)
I then went overdrawn with them a few months later and struggled to stay out of the red, I was on benefits at that time too and so my payments were paid in and cleared the overdraft then I was in the overdraft again and so on and so on, so I was asked to come in again, this time I was told about something called an 'internal consolidation loan', to be honest, I was naive, I was 22, 3 children, on benefits, single, no life and barely keeping my head above water as it was, in the end they gave me it, they gave me £700 and paid off what I owed them and left me with a little to 'play' with as they put it, wooo! YEA, how wrong. Obviously, I was never going to be able to keep up with the repayments and in the end they reconsolidated it several times over until I told them, NO, I cant do this anymore, Im trying to keep my head above water and you are trying to drag me back down again. I changed banks, changed dd's and payments and told them to impolitely stick up their bottom regions, very possibly not the best thing to do but, well...

Over the years, I have tried to consolidate all my debts into one payment so I have one easy monthly payment going out but would had covered everything else, to no avail. Money hates me and I hate money, I have no control over it, as stupid as that sounds, I just hate the stuff really blinking hate it!!
In the end, I started borrowing money from friends and family, just little bits to see my through until payday, buy elecy, gas, food etc etc until now I'm seemingly robbing peter to pay paul and so forth.

I guess, this is the part I am more embarrassed about as I cannot honestly so I have anything to show for the amount of debt from friends and family I am about to list...

Family1 £2500
Family2 £500
Friend1 £3186 (a loan out in her name for me (Ive never not paid a payment though I would rather go hungry))
Friend2 £6500

I feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, wrong and nasty. I can honestly say I do not care one iota about any of the other debts I have incurred but the ones above from dear friends and beloved family are ripping me apart, I can barely bring myself to look them in the eye when we meet, I feel dreadful and there is no excuse
My life has just snowballed out of control and I really just do not know what to do now, other than lay down and let life do its worst

Help me?

I mean the utilities above...I have oil where I live, I have never filled the oil tank in the 1.5yrs we have been here, me and 4 children, freezing cold all last winter and the coming cold now, and no lookout to buying some in the near future
Every spare penny (or thats how it feels) is gone almost before its hit my account

What do I do? Is there a way back from here? I don't know where to go, what to do, who to speak to and have no one at all to lean on

Before a friend showed me this site today, I told her I feel all of the above, ashamed, guilty etc but above all...a human let down on the highest possible scale, a waste of space and breath, like im the only one in the world with this amount of debt. Im not silly or stupid I know many have more debt than me but this is how I feel and now I have started to type this out I dont think I can stop, I am very aware that I am babbling a lot and I do apologise for that but omg typing all this here feels like someones turned a tap on and can't shut it off again

Gemma

415SanFran

Hi,
Not too good at this but you have not listed anything for Christmas, clothing (you MUST buy some clothes!) haircuts, or gas. Is 40pm enough for electric even in the winter?
Do you really need a landline AND a mobile?
Are your older children at school getting a free school meal? perhaps you could take a little off your shopping bill if this is the case?
Ebay baby clothes and equipment? as and when you are done with them?

415SanFran

You are saying that you have no-where to turn, but good god you have some REALLY good friends, one that will let a single parent on benefits get a loan in her name is worth her weight in gold.

CookieCrisp

415SanFran wrote: »

You are saying that you have no-where to turn, but good god you have some REALLY good friends, one that will let a single parent on benefits get a loan in her name is worth her weight in gold.

She sure is, which is why I cannot let her down, when I said, no where left to turn, I meant that I have no one else I can ask for help, I feel like I cannot talk to my closest friends about this as they are the ones who have lent me the money, I dont want to cause stress and worry that they think I may let them down but confiding in them with my money problems, if you see what I mean?

CookieCrisp

415SanFran wrote: »

Hi,
Not too good at this but you have not listed anything for Christmas, clothing (you MUST buy some clothes!) haircuts, or gas. Is 40pm enough for electric even in the winter?
Do you really need a landline AND a mobile?
Are your older children at school getting a free school meal? perhaps you could take a little off your shopping bill if this is the case?
Ebay baby clothes and equipment? as and when you are done with them?

Lol, nope we walk around in potato sacks, no seriously, yes I do have to buy clothes, sort haircuts etc but I need help with tying everything into one tight budget so nothing is sprung on me like oh bums the kids hair looks like rats tails or ooo look at that hole in the shoe, where am I going to get money from etc etc do you know what I mean?
I don't have gas, its oil here and Ive not filled up since I moved here due to having to pay up front and at 500l minimum and close to £300 in one go, I just cannot find the money to do it without letting someone else down
Electric, is fine I am on a meter and top up with £10 every week but have built a little back log as spend anywhere between £7-10 a week, so on the weeks I spend £7 Ill still top up with £10 so then there will be £13 and so on etc
All my children get free school meals now, which is great, well, my youngest doesn't but shes due to start 5 mornings a week in Sept. I plan all meals and go through cupboards etc before shopping and make sure I have only what I need on my list and some months it can be as little as £150 but others can be as high as £240 if I need all toiletries, cleaning products, birthday party food etc. I also batch cook too, well, if Im making a curry, lasagne etc I will also make more so I can freeze, not so much with sausage and wedges etc
To be honest, I dont think I have anything left to eBay that isn't already on there now
At the moment I repay one personal (family/friend) debt @ £165pm and the other 2 @ £300pm and £250pm and then the one to my dad which I am currently not paying

jade-evie

CookieCrisp wrote: »

At the moment I repay one personal (family/friend) debt @ £165pm and the other 2 @ £300pm and £250pm and then the one to my dad which I am currently not paying

Taking these out of the £1000 you have left over after your other commitments this would leave you with £285 to make payments towards the other debts. I'm no expert on this but I believe you can offer them token payments if you are unable to meet the minimum payments?

I know there's not much consolation but I am thinking of you and your family at this time. I personally wouldn't lend a friend money unless I was willing to run the risk they might not be able to repay it if their circumstances changed. I'd also never allow it to ruin a friendship- maybe you could explain your situation to your friend and if she can afford it maybe make lower monthly payments over a longer term?

anxious_mum

Don't you get any financial help from the childrens' father? I can't see any contribution from him in your SOA....

Boobydoo

Hi cookiecrisp. It's a huge step that you've made coming on here and posting. People on here are so helpful and your going to feel so good by taking control of this. Take small steps rather than trying to sort the whole thing at once.

CookieCrisp

jade-evie wrote: »

Taking these out of the £1000 you have left over after your other commitments this would leave you with £285 to make payments towards the other debts. I'm no expert on this but I believe you can offer them token payments if you are unable to meet the minimum payments?

I know there's not much consolation but I am thinking of you and your family at this time. I personally wouldn't lend a friend money unless I was willing to run the risk they might not be able to repay it if their circumstances changed. I'd also never allow it to ruin a friendship- maybe you could explain your situation to your friend and if she can afford it maybe make lower monthly payments over a longer term?

I think like you say, left over is around £285 after repaying basic bills and family/friend loans, I would prefer to leave those at what they are as I don't want to let them down if you see what I mean? I think I need help with finding out every single one of my debts, working out which need to be paid, which have gone into statute (is that right?) and then working out what I can feasibly afford whilst also taking into consideration the oil, clothing, haircuts, birthdays etc etc that I have entered 0 for on my soa
I think at the moment, Ive run away so much from everything other than those family/friend debts Im a bit 'scared' to approach the debts themselves?

CookieCrisp

anxious_mum wrote: »

Don't you get any financial help from the childrens' father? I can't see any contribution from him in your SOA....

Hiya
Currently I don't, not csa etc but he will help out with school bits and take the kids out for day trips etc which I find is more helpful at the moment. Bearing in mind that my ex is also doing the same for the 2 children that are not his I am very grateful. The other father has just been released from prison after serving 8yrs for rape. I have an injunction and he won't be seeing the kids and as far as I am aware, this means I cannot apply for csa from him, to be honest, even if I could, I think I would rather not due to the circumstances

CookieCrisp

Boobydoo wrote: »

Hi cookiecrisp. It's a huge step that you've made coming on here and posting. People on here are so helpful and your going to feel so good by taking control of this. Take small steps rather than trying to sort the whole thing at once.

Thanks Boobydoo, Ive avoided coming on here to look at the replies incase Ive been jumped on which is my main concern but I realise now I need to bite the bullet and face this head on, I'm 26 now with 4 beautiful children who need me to be there financially as well as emotionally, due to the above I think I am lacking on both respects which is awful to admit if I am honest