church or civil service?

becca0417

That's a shame sammy.
I must agree though that I have always found civil ceremonies less personal but I guess that is down to the couple!

sammy_wheeler

are you saying it a shame to me??


as far as im concerned my wedding was the best ever- and no one can beat it hehe

becca0417

No it's a shame about your experience with churches

sammy_wheeler

my own experience doesnt put me off church weddings-
what really annoys me- like i have said- is ppl getting married in church who arent religious, feel its the 'right thing', 'what family expect', 'its pretty' , 'it means more'

i personally think the church should be more strict about who gets married in church- i think (personal opinion) that only people who reguallry (sp) go to church should be allowed to get married in church
i also think that both parties (bride and groom) should do that- not just one

becca0417

I agree, but I feel wrong to judge anyone else on where or how they choose to get married. It's a very personal thing.
The church was once very strict but unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, they desperately need the money for upkeep so have relaxed the rules. This is a real shame but I guess they feel it is another stream of income. When my OH and I were looking through some reports in our church a few weeks ago, we came across their accounts for last year and their outgoings are a lot higher than income, even with weddings, christenings, funerals etc. The upkeep of some churches, including ours, is massive and in some parishes the attendance is just too low to balance it all out.

Anyway sorry OP have gone right off on a tangent!

ellay864

I think the meaning that you get out of it will depend on the people and the content, not the building. I've been to church ones that having been beautifully moving or fun or cold and 'conveyor belt' and in one case downright bizarre. I've been to civil ceremonies where all the above can apply too. Talk to whoever is going to perform your ceremony to get a feel for how they'll conduct it. Look at what readings you can include...and I'm not sure how the rules work but I've been to church ones where personal readings and muscial pieces were permitted. Find out what the vicar/priest/registrar will want to say that you might not consider part of your ceremony. At my first wedding the vicar had told us there would be spot for a collection which was fine with us - it was a beautiful 12th century church that relied on donations. What we got though was a 10 minute rant about how the council funded everything else but wouldn't help the church, a full list of all the problems they were having and a sum of what it was all going to cost. We were mortified at the time though it did give the best man some brilliant last-minute material for his speech later!
The morals of who should and shouldn't get married in a church are not really for this thread to debate. I just think to answer the OP that people should recognise that civil ceremonies need not be impersonal and church ceremonies aren't necessarily the more meaningful; there's good and bad in both depending on the place and people involved

becca0417

Beautifully put!!

Torry_Quine

ellay864 wrote: »

I think the meaning that you get out of it will depend on the people and the content, not the building. I've been to church ones that having been beautifully moving or fun or cold and 'conveyor belt' and in one case downright bizarre. I've been to civil ceremonies where all the above can apply too. Talk to whoever is going to perform your ceremony to get a feel for how they'll conduct it. Look at what readings you can include...and I'm not sure how the rules work but I've been to church ones where personal readings and muscial pieces were permitted. Find out what the vicar/priest/registrar will want to say that you might not consider part of your ceremony. At my first wedding the vicar had told us there would be spot for a collection which was fine with us - it was a beautiful 12th century church that relied on donations. What we got though was a 10 minute rant about how the council funded everything else but wouldn't help the church, a full list of all the problems they were having and a sum of what it was all going to cost. We were mortified at the time though it did give the best man some brilliant last-minute material for his speech later!
The morals of who should and shouldn't get married in a church are not really for this thread to debate. I just think to answer the OP that people should recognise that civil ceremonies need not be impersonal and church ceremonies aren't necessarily the more meaningful; there's good and bad in both depending on the place and people involved

That wasn't good but it makes a good story now.

Although there can be good and bad with both if you are both Christians or at least regular church goers then any wedding should be very personal as the minister will know you.

This thread started because the OP couldn't decide where to marry so people's views on this are very relevant.

RainbowDrops

Meaning comes from within, not from a building.
If you have strong ties to a church or you & your OH aggree that it is important that your vows are made infront of God, then church it is.
However, as others have said already, if you are making these holy vows without really believing in God, then it seems like an empty promise.

I have been to lovely weddings, both civil & holy, but the meaningfulness has always come from the couple & their friends & families, not from the surroundings.

White_Sapphire

If you're not religious but aren't sure about a civil ceremony how about a Humanist ceremony? They're not legally binding in England and Wales (stupid antiquated marriage laws, grrr!) but H2B and I are having a quick civil 'signing of the contracts' the day before with two witnesses.

As others have correctly said, there is meaning in both church and civil ceremonies as well, depending on your beliefs - my SIL2B got married in a civil ceremony last Saturday and it was lovely - the registrar was relaxedand friendly, there were readings and music that reflected thecouple, performed by family members, and we all sang 'Bring Me Sunshine'!!

What has meaning to you will not necessarily have meaning for others, so there is no way that any of us can answer your question - we don't know what your beliefs are. Have a long chat with your H2B about how you both feel, get some information about civil ceremonies and Humanist ceremonies, and have a chat with the vicar at the church you are thinking of getting married in. Then make your decision from that.