church or civil service?

Lizzieb151

I think it depends on you - at the end of the day both ceremonies are meaningful.

I'm not particulary religious now although brought up a christian but my OH and I couldn't imagine not getting married anywhere else but a church so a church it was. We did consider a civil ceremony but particulary wanted the religious readings etc.

Hollie84

Were having a church wedding,we dont attaned church every week but we do go,other half has been christened the same as both our girls so a church wedding is for us

becca0417

OH and I both attend my old parish church and when we were deciding we did look at civil options. Nowhere could offer us the same level of personal meaning as our church.
It's a very personal decision and only one you can make

johannalf88

We didn't even consider a church wedding! As commited atheists it was never on the table. I would find making a promise 'in front of god' wouldn't mean a thing for us! In fact we would find it funny, and it would take away from the moment. However, if you are religious, or wouldn't mind making that promise 'infront of god' then I can't really see any difference.

trinity_enigma

I think church services are really hypocritical if you aren't religious and mean half of your vows are essentially lies not to mention that I feel non religious people are cheapening church weddings for those who are religious. Sorry it's something I feel very strongly about. I never even considered a church wedding myself.

Both mean the same thing to couples so that isn't really an issue iyswim. If you aren't particularly religious then I'd say have a civil ceremony but only you know what you really want.

tod123

Apart from the obvious there is one huge difference.

A civil service tends to be about the couple , and people (inc most registrars) will care that you have a good experience

Church tends (there are exceptions) to be about the religion , and often, about the vicar who sees it as his special day in the limelight as well. Your experience will (often) be secondary

You will come across registrars who are a pain, and vicars who are young and modern in their laid back approach , but in the main, its correct.

Hollie84

Not only that if you arnt religious but want to marry in a church then that would be insane,it costs a fortune to marry in a church something that u would only pay if u are religious to have your vows said in front of god

MrsDrink

I wouldn't necessarily say if you aren't religious that you shouldn't have a church wedding. I think that is taking a simplistic view of things, and life is often not that simple. I agree you should not get married in a church just because it's "pretty", and I definitely think if you are totally against religion then it's a fairly clear cut case, but I think there are times when a church wedding can be just as "meaningful" for a non-religious couple/partner.

For example what if you are indifferent, but know all your family are heavily religious/have always married in the local church? While I believe a wedding should be about what the bride and groom want, I also understand that part of it is a celebration of 'flying the nest' for the parents (for want of a better phrase). I think with the history of your ancestors and the pride of your loved ones it can be meaningful despite the religious content.

I think as with all things wedding there are always going to be people who disagree with the way you are doing it. What is important is that you as a couple are happy with your decisions/compromises.

Sammy85_2

You say you're not overly religious, only you can decide whether you are "religious enough" to stand before an altar, in the eyes of god, and make those vows. Why not go along to the church and meet with the vicar? Discuss your thoughts and work out from there whether a church or civil wedding is right for you.

As to which has the more meaning? Well the meaning in both is the same - you and your OH making your vows to one another! Church weddings have the added dimension in that you are standing there not just before god (he will still see you at a civil wedding!), but that you are asking god to help and guide you in your married life together, something which you cannot do in a civil wedding as there must be no religious content.

Either ceremony can be personalised, i have been to church weddings that have met the legal requirement and the church requirements and nothing more and others, like ours, where the couple personalised every aspect. Equally i have been to a civil wedding that had the vows and nothing else and another than had readings included and was incredibly personalised.

Only you and your OH can decide which is best for you. Consider both options, talk through it together.

x

becca0417

I'm really surprised by some of the comments here. I have come across as many unhelpful registrars as antiquated vicars. I suppose that's where it comes down to being married by a vicar who knows you and you know them. Plus church isn't always dearer, our church service is cheaper than marrying at our reception venue.

MrsD is right, no one is ever going to agree on everything so do what you feel is right.