church or civil service?

Sammy85_2

tod123 wrote: »

Apart from the obvious there is one huge difference.

A civil service tends to be about the couple , and people (inc most registrars) will care that you have a good experience

Church tends (there are exceptions) to be about the religion , and often, about the vicar who sees it as his special day in the limelight as well. Your experience will (often) be secondary

You will come across registrars who are a pain, and vicars who are young and modern in their laid back approach , but in the main, its correct.

I have attended serveral churches both at home and when i was away studying and i have yet to meet a vicar as you seem to think the majority are.

Our vicar cared very much that our experience was the best it could be. We spent many hours with him planning our wedding down to the finest details.

Yes, you get very animated vicars but in my experience it is because they care very much about what they do (kind of necessary in that line of work really!) and not because they want to steal the limelight.

Sammy85_2

becca0417 wrote: »

Plus church isn't always dearer, our church service is cheaper than marrying at our reception venue.

Snap - our church fees were the same as the hire charge at our venue for a civil wedding, then we would have had to have paid the registrar fees ontop of that.

Churches arent always expensive. The basic fees to get married in a CofE church are £321.50. Anything above that are the individual church fees - costs for heating, lighting, upkeep, organist, choirs... etc.

MrsDrink

Sammy85 wrote: »

Our vicar cared very much that our experience was the best it could be.

Totally agree with Sammy and Becca - I can't pass comment on religious people and weddings but I can say my grandma's catholic funeral service was extremely moving and personal even though I'm not religious.

I think we can all agree - a wedding is what you make it.

AutumnBride85

I guess it sometimes depends where you marry! If youre marrying somewhere like a castle or stately home where civil services can be done onsite then that can be a choice.

Personally, Ive gone for the church option. Not just because I was raised a christian, but to me it seems spiritual, and adds a little magic to the day. I love old buildings too, with their colourful glass windows, candles, ancient stone and big old creaky doors

I did go to my dads wedding in a registry office and though it was a lovely service, the room was in a large office block building and lacked the beauty a church could offer..but thats just me

AutumnBride85

p.s- our church also offered a marriage preparation day which gave us the opportunity to talk about things we hadnt before, and how we would handle situations in future. It was very helful

becca0417

Autumn bride the marriage prep is something else I'm looking forward to. I think in amongst all the planning for the big day, it refocuses on the marriage as a whole

Sammy85_2

We were asked to make a list of things we didnt really like about each other... they were all rather funny really, nothing to offended each other. We discussed them at one of the meetings with the vicar and had a good chuckle about them. We were also asked where we see ourselves in 5 and 10 years. We'd already discussed this in the past as us having kids means my career is finished (i worked at sea) but the vicar said he is always amazed by the number of couples about to get married who have never actually sat down and discussed where they see their lives in the future or what they would do if so-and-so happened.

trying_2_b_good

Aside of the whole "is it right to get married in a church if youre not religious" issue - here are some points (I just had a civil, which is why they're all for that!):

If you have a civil ceremony at your venue, guest won't need to travel between the ceremony and the reception. Depending on timings, traffic, distance etc this may mean more photo time.

Stay at the venue the night before to reduce costs - a night's stay is likely to be cheaper than hiring wedding cars. This can also reduce stress as you will wake up on the morning of the wedding right where you need to be - no travelling, no traffic, no problems. Plus, if you need to do some room preps, you're already there

In a civil ceremony, you can choose the vows and any additional readings. At a church, the vicar is at liberty to ad lib about current affairs, what he thinks about you as a couple etc. Can be beautiful or disastorous (seem this more at Christenings though)!

If you are choosing between a registery office and a church - then not all the above will count. It is a personal decision - but it is worth thinking about the practicalities of your day rather than just cost/beauty of venue...

sparklylime

We were torn between a church and civil wedding too. I am religious, my partner isn't. The venue we would choose for the civil service is stunningly beautiful, one of my favourite places in the world and I place where I always feel happy and at peace when visiting...however...it costs more than twice what my local church charges (£900 as opposed to £420!) and the civil ceremonies I have attended (and I'm not suggesting all of them are like this) have felt really impersonal and rather rushed whereas even the church weddings I have been too have felt so much more personal and meaningful. Although maybe they feel meaningful to me because of my beliefs not neccessarily because its in a church. So weighing up all the pros and cons I think a church wedding is right for us but have a good think about all the options, what you are looking for in the ceremony and the venue and then see which one fits your needs the most.

sammy_wheeler

sparklylime wrote: »

and the civil ceremonies I have attended (and I'm not suggesting all of them are like this) have felt really impersonal and rather rushed whereas even the church weddings I have been too have felt so much more personal and meaningful..

i have found the complete my oposite in my life
the church ones i have attended have felt rushed and like a converer (sp?) belt-
my civil cermoney we had readings, extended vows, music personal to us, beautiful outside cermoney in amazing heat and sun
much more personal and romantic- to us