What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

hyersal

Hello Sarymclary, thank you for all your comments - I think the tax credits complaint details are going to come in very handy.

My friend is coping but as she puts it she doesnt have a choice as she has 2 young children that need her. Hopefully once the financial side of things settles down she will be able to take some time out for herself.

Unfortunatly everything that we do seems to be going wrong. On top of the tax credits delay/cancellation of her payments they have managed to tell child benefit about her husbands death, even though she is still waiting for the initial phone call from them that was offered by them so they could explain the process.

As the child benefit goes into a joint account my friend was unaware that it was in her husbands name. As soon as they were made aware of his death they cancelled all payments but as he is deceased they could not notify him about the monies being stopped so the one benefit she thought she could rely on has also been stopped. While this in itself makes things more difficult for her it also means that she cannot apply for the bereavement benefit or widows parent allowance for at least another 3 weeks, maybe longer as it takes at least 10 days to send the forms to her and then who knows how long to process. I cannot believe how disjointed everything is!

And just to add to her stress her mobile company totally mucked up cancelling her husbands contract. Due to obvious financal reasons she could not afford to keep her husbands mobile contract active (although emotionally it was a difficult decision to make). After her initial contact with the phone company she gave me permission to deal with them so I took over and got agreement to cancel his phone and downgrade her contract to make it more affordable for her. I then put everything in writing (sent two seperate letters, one notifying of his death and 1 requesting changes to her contract so as to avoid any confusion) and enclosed the death certificate. They cancelled her phone instead of his!!

Oh and the mortage company agreed to reduce her payment for 1 month and then fined her £50! I am sure that can be resolved but its more stress.

Sorry I am venting but cannot believe how difficult everything seems at a time in her life when she not equipped to cope with any more stress, I dont know how she has got this far but I do keep her informed about all the kind comments on here and how people like yourself managed to keep going through such a terrible time and are now in a position to try and help others.

If reading this stops someone else falling foul of the child benefit issue that would be something.

She is due a few wins so have my fingers crossed for the pension and life cover but going on past performance ......................

hyersal

Hello, as a follow up to my previous rant above and after several phone calls I have had confirmation she can send in the bereavement benefit forms without the child benefit numbers - at least she wont have to wait 3 weeks to start the process

John_Pierpoint

hyersal wrote: »

One thing is that we have been asked for the administrator details on a pension claim form. I wasn't with my friend in the days immediately after her husbands death and while she thinks people mentioned administrators etc. she cannot remember what was said. She still has an interim death certificate (could be up to a month before she gets a final one due to delays in the coroners office) and there is no will. How does she find out about the administrator side of things, should she know who it is or does that come after the final death certificate?

Oh dear,

All these organisations smelling financial difficulties and scrambling for cover.

If the widow mentioned that there is no will, then there can be no executor(s).

The person who legally sorts out the mess is usually the next of kin (ie the widow) and called the administrator(s); however there is a difference between an executor and an administrator:

An executor legally exists from the moment of death (though the tax/legal system will not allow them to do much until they have prepared an account showing the net worth of the deceased.)

An administrator has to prepare such figures and then apply to the court to demonstrate that they are a fit and suitable person to be awarded "letters of administration".

Of course much of this novel situation can be delegated to a solicitor, but they don't come cheap and in the meantime lack of money is the issue. We are already seeing some organisations will be totally self interested and try to get their bills paid, regardless of everything being frozen and their lowly position in the order of precedence for a pay out.

For advice the military support organisations sound the best bet - "The Veterans" were helpful recently with my late Uncle and he fought in WW2. Is there any family prepared to rally round and do their duty?

sarymclary

Hyeresal - I really do feel for your friend. I had such a similar experience, and the 'system' is simply not working to help people like your friend who have their life brought to a grinding halt, in once sense, only to go careering out of control in another.

The only way I could face the complete chaos of the financial fall-out when I was bereaved, was that I had no money, so they couldn't exactly take what I didn't have. In the meantime, while they waited, and sent their snotty letters, I'd just respond with a brief, to the point letter, stating I'd been bereaved, I had no income, there was no money left in the estate as my OH had died with debts, attached a copy of the Death Certificate, and advised the company concerned that there was no likelihood of them receiving any payments. If there isn't any money, they realise there is little point in staking their claim, so they write-off the debt. It takes some time, but it does happen. The problem with joint accounts for anything, is that when one of the account holders dies, the account gets frozen. Explaining to utility companies was a nightmare, as they're set up to only speak to the account holder... hard when they're dead!

I even had the mortgage company advisor ask me on the phone once 'is your husband still dead?' !!!!!!?

I still think your friend needs to keep contacting the Bereavement Benefits people, and ask if any of the Child Benefit forms or other Tax Credit forms are available for download online (most are). Child Benefit form is here on the clickable link: http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/forms/ch2-online-stubb.htm So, your friend can print it out and fill in/send off ASAP.

From what I can think, they'll want your friend's National Insurance number and sight of the children's birth certificates, so get that information available to send back with the forms. Child Benefit are generally a bit faster working than the other benefits offices, from my experience, and very helpful when you speak to them on the phone too.

The Bereavement Benefit isn't reliant on the Child Benefit info. With her National Insurance number, and the children's names/DOB details, they can process that. Child Benefit is a totally separate benefit, and not considered as an income for the BB calculation. Unfortunately, if your friend does get awarded any kind of occupational bereavement pension, it is considered another income, so she does have to declare that. My pension, whilst very, very small, is taxable, and I have to declare it for my Tax Credits calculation. Unlike maintenance payments, which aren't? Not sure how that works, because I consider the pension I get to be the only form of maintenance my husband could provide now he's dead! So you get taxed on the pension, then have your benefit payments reduced in accordance with that amount. Hmmm.

I know that dealing with companies is not easy, especially as they are pretty disorganised themselves, but bear with it. So long as you have kept them informed, put everything in writing, and complain about shoddy customer service when necessary, it will come good in the end. It's a long process, and takes far longer than it should.

The benefits claim was the worst part for me, and reduced me to a bit of a blubbering wreck, as I had no family or friends who I felt I could ask to help me out (and I was too proud to ask). Keep supporting your friend, she'll really appreciate it.

When you have a young family, you don't have any choice but to just get on with things, despite wanting to go lie in a darkened room and wail. The children are fairly unaware of the huge stuff going on around them, but it's partly that innocence that gives you the small glimmers of sunshine in your days. I don't think I'd have got through were it not for my youngest 2 children (I had 4 in primary or nursery when I was widowed) who just gave me a reason to have to keep going, and brightened the darkest days with a hug and a smile.

If your friend feels the need to chat or share her story with people who know exactly what she's going through, then she may find this thread useful: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/334334
The membership to the 'club' is reluctant, but supportive

smithsinha

Luckily , I dont have any experience about it. I know it is very painful feeling to lost your partner. But one should be bold and try to came out from this pain as soon as possible.

sarymclary

With all due respect smithsinha, you don't have any experience of this, and therefore have no idea that you don't actually come out from the pain, ever. You simply learn to live with the burden of it!

May I suggest you save your contributions on matters you do have experience of.

Mojisola

sarymclary wrote: »

With all due respect smithsinha, you don't have any experience of this, and therefore have no idea that you don't actually come out from the pain, ever. You simply learn to live with the burden of it!

May I suggest you save your contributions on matters you do have experience of.

I thought smithsinha was a spambot - its posts are typical of the bland stuff bots say.

Stillookinafterthepennies

Firstly my condolences to everyone here who is going through the pain of losing a loved one...

I lost my Dad on 11th July and still cannot believe it. Can't believe i'm typing the words and still think he's going to come home even though Mam and I were with him in intensive care when he passed away.

I am trying to do as much of the calls & paperwork as possible as Mam is ill herself and i'm trying to take as much of the strain of that, as is possible off her.
So far we have paid for the funeral.
Notified the bank and frozen dad's account.
I rang the 'Tell us once' service who take care of notifying a lot of organisations including dept of work & pensions.
I paid the council tax & now the account is on hold whilst they amend the details & Mam can apply for council tax benefit as she is on DLA.

I live with Mam and my parents own the house but today we received the deeds in dad's name only.
My Dad did not have a will.
I don't know what to do next and feel like i'm not grieving properly because i'm so busy with calls, letters, visitors, housework, taking Mam for her hospital or dr appointments, helping our nextdoor neighbour who is 99 and taking the news badly plus I have health problems myself and am due for sickness review in 10-12days as I work for the NHS.

I don't know what to do & feel panicky a lot of the time

thank you for any help

xx

John_Pierpoint

Was it particularly unexpected? There hopefully is no rush and you can take your time if the money allows. sarymclary explains above better than I can.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Someone-Dies-Essential/dp/184490072X

The first of [STRIKE]three [/STRIKE] four up to date "Which?" books (beware of out of date versions with a photograph on the cover).

You may need to especially check the intestacy rules - though the widow gets the first quarter of million these days. (What is the house worth?)

There will always be someone here prepared to help with particular problems.

Mojisola

Stillookinafterthepennies wrote: »

I live with Mam and my parents own the house but today we received the deeds in dad's name only.

My Dad did not have a will.

I don't know what to do next and feel like i'm not grieving properly because i'm so busy with calls, letters, visitors, housework, taking Mam for her hospital or dr appointments, helping our nextdoor neighbour who is 99 and taking the news badly plus I have health problems myself and am due for sickness review in 10-12days as I work for the NHS.

I don't know what to do & feel panicky a lot of the time

Take a few deep breaths - that's a heavy load you're carrying there. There's no great rush to get everything done. My Mum died mid-June and I'm still sorting stuff out. It's especially important as you, like me, have health problems - it's vital that you pace yourself. If you make yourself too ill to cope, everyone suffers so make time for yourself when you need it.

Most people are willing to help after a death - do you have anyone who will cook a few meals that you can stick in the freezer for days when you need a quick fix? Would any of them do a food shop, washing or ironing or a bit of cleaning for you and your Mum?

As there's no will, the intestacy rules will apply -

https://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_death_and_wills_e/who_can_inherit_if_there_is_no_will___the_rules_of_intestacy.htm

Married partners or civil partners inherit under the rules of intestacy only if they are actually married or in a civil partnership at the time of death. So if you are divorced or if your civil partnership has been legally ended, you can’t inherit under the rules of intestacy. But partners who separated informally can still inherit under the rules of intestacy.

If there are surviving children, grandchildren or great grandchildren of the person who died and the estate is valued at more than £250,000, the partner will inherit:

all the personal property and belongings of the person who has died, and

the first £250,000 of the estate, and

a life interest in half of the remaining estate. This means that if you are entitled to the life interest, you cannot get rid of or spend that part of the estate. You can, however, have the benefit of it during your lifetime.