What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

daska

So sorry to hear your bad news.

Firstly get him to write a Will. Being married obviously affords you some protection but a Will will make it simpler overall.

Dig out any pension details and get in touch to explain what's happening.

Order the Which? books, they're very useful.

Consider applying for DLA - there are special rules for people who are terminally ill, it might help you achieve some things which you wouldn't otherwise be able to consider, it also opens up access to other forms of support/help.

Consider whether it is worth making an Lasting Power of Attorney - unfortunately they can take up to 11 weeks to register so it might be sensible to ring and speak with them. http://www.justice.gov.uk/global/forms/opg/lasting-power-of-attorney/index.htm This obviously depends on how capable he is at the moment and whether he's likely to remain that way and whether there are any financial transactions that you would need to be able to sort out. There's a bit of information HERE about when applications can be fast-tracked.

As a practical step I would suggest asking him to move as much as possible from the accounts that are solely in his name into a joint a/c or one in your name. That will avoid the difficulties associated with accessing the money later. Also to move the car insurance into your name. If you're up to it check through the direct debits and standing orders and cancel ones which will obviously be unnecessary or move utility bills etc to a more suitable a/c.

But make spending time with him your priority. There's nothing that can't be dealt with later.

beverley1471

Thanks for the positive advice, trying to make afew steps in the directions mentioned but its so hard to admit he wont be with me in the future.

I've had so much happen in the last few years with other relitives dying and a close friend dying. But this has really knocked me for six and i'm not sure how i'm going to cope. My husband was how I coped with everything else that happened and now he's dying.

Going to sort out my own credit card today, and will is being done on saturday. Have mentioned moving savings to Hubby but he's worried about me losing the ineterest of all things. As if that matters.

Husband feels well at the moment and Mcmillan nurse is controlling all his symtoms well. How long we have depends on how cancer progresses.

beverley1471

well continuing to spend as much time as possible with hubby for as long as we can. But were also spending some time preparing for the worst.

Have now applied for my own crdeit card online and am waiting for that to arrive. The will will be being signed on thursday. Have managed to change afew of the utilities to my name. Have completed a budget planner together to ensure i can continue to run the house, which i can. Hubby has now transfered all savings now into my name, joint name or into joint account, i believe from what i have read i will beable to continue having access to the joint account after the worst happens without any problems, please advise me if this is mistaken.

Hubby is going to complete a statement of intent regarding work benefits which i will drop off early next week.

Have been trying to read about organising cirtificates, probate but find this alittle hard at the moment but know i need to get my head around this.

I am also intending to visit a support group at the local hospice this week to see if it helps me come to terms with all this.

Any further advise or tips greatly appreciated.

Mojisola

beverley1471 wrote: »

I am also intending to visit a support group at the local hospice this week to see if it helps me come to terms with all this.

I do hope this helps. Our hospice group is very supportive and their help doesn't stop when the person dies.

Do remember to take care of yourself. There is so much to do before and immediately after a death and then suddenly everything settles down, other people go back to their own lives and life can feel really empty.

beverley1471

I will try to continue to look after myself, I am making myself eat well at the moment and going for regular walks to destress. I'm lucky my work has a good sick policy and i can get full sick pay for six months. So no immediate worry on that front.

I am reading alot on the internet about coping with bereavement as although i have had close family members die, my husband dying is hitting me harder than all of them put together. I want to stay positive and in time enjoy life again, as my huband loves life and it would seem a waste not to try and achieve this. How i get to that stage is another matter.

Armchair23

Try not to think too much about things in the future (other than sensible planning stuff). You don't know how you will feel and circumstances can change very quickly.
Grief is a very natural if undesirable thing and we don't necessarily need it 'managed' for us by professionals. A really good cry on a friends shoulder can help a lot. But it's nice to know that if you have problems there are people who can help.

On a boring practical note, when you change the name on something like car insurance or a phone bill you are actually entering a new contract. So you will be tied in to new terms and conditions and that may mean a cheaper or more expensive deal but it will also usually mean a 12 month or longer tie-in, so don't commit yourself to something if it is a worry for you.

I hope you're getting by, all the best.

beverley1471

My husband sadly died on saturday. I've been to busy to think so far, registering death and organising funeral.

Hoping to avoid probate as everything we owned was either joint or in my name. This will depend if any of the banks etc insist upon it from what i have managed to gather. Not sure if i will have to complete any forms for inheratence tax in this case. The estate will definately be below the threshhold. will have to figure this out.

Will start writing and ringing all banks today and utilities that may be in my husbands name. Any other advice about what else i should do gratefully received.

Armchair23

I'm so sorry to hear that you husband has died, my condolences to you and your family.

You may well have already looked at the DirectGov site it has a lot of useful information gathered in one place

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/index.htm

This will tell you about your Bereavement Payment and allowance
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Bereaved/index.htm

There are surprisingly few things that need to be done in a hurry, so take your time. It can be very easy to rush into doing things and wonder how on earth you ended up making those decisions a few months down the line.

I found friends and family were desperate to 'do' things to help. But it's only help when you're happy with what's being done and the pace it's happening .

I hope things go as smoothly as possible.

NAR

So sorry to hear of your loss beverley1471. {{BIG HUGS}}

belfastgirl23

No advice for you Beverley except to try to take time to look after yourself and to ask for any help that you need. If you have specific questions do come back and post and we'll help as much as we can. At this stage it's probably just about keeping things moving forward till you hit a blockage of some sort.

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.