Real life MMD: Should I reclaim the car?

Maxx8uk

As always a lot of Judgemental and Harsh views are to be expected when you ask for advice on the net.

I would agree that more info is required if you want us to be able to give a definitive answer.

My possible answers are based from my own experience of having a mental breakdown and losing a car and going bankrupt.

Some assumptions that must be factored in are as follows.

1.You took out a loan, therefore you don't have that sort
of money to hand.

2. Your daughter is not still training to be a midwife due to the
breakdown.

3. As you say the car was brought to get her to uni it seems that her
Husband has his own transport.

Based on those assumptions i would say ask about selling the car to settle the loan. But if the car is registered in her name then you are reliant on her agreement.

My reasons for that recommendation are

one does she feel up to driving currently.

Driving came be stressful at the best of times does she needed that
added stress.

As most drivers know having a car at your disposal incurs certain expectations from others. which can mean more unnecessary pressure.

A car is a money pit, MOT, Tax, Insurance and of course petrol. If the daughters family are now struggling with bills do they need the added expense ? I would of been able to keep the car if i had requested to during the bankruptcy but i found that allowing them to take the car removed some of the pressure i felt from the breakdown and the resulting bankruptcy.

Unfortunately you are between a rock and a hard place. Which will not of been helped by the comments of some on here.

meknowalot-51

You new your daughter had bad credit ratings and then you lent her money for a car.Who looked after the kids while she was at uni.?Does her husband work?Forget the car and forget the money as they clearly need it more than you do.Next time you visit your doctors ask him or her to increase your medication..

ISAmad

If it were MY daughter then yes I would pay it off.

I don't know your daughter though. And it very much depends on her attitude to life and money - and the bloke she married.

My daughter was raised with a responsible attitude to money so she probably wouldn't have borrowed money anyway, to be frank. Our family tend to do this old fashioned thing called cutting your cloth accordingly.

Cimscate

pennypinchUK wrote: »

And? Where's the dilemma?

Tell them you need the money, so their payments must be regular until the loan is paid off.

Next.

What a black and white world you live in! This is her DAUGHTER for goodness sake. To even think of taking the car in these circumstances sounds extraordinary to me in fact I can't believe this is true!!

llyamah

I don't know if this has been covered, but are you even legally entitled to take the car from her? Do you own the car and lend it to her (in which case it is your car and you can take it) or did you lend her the money (in which case you are an unsecured creditor). If she owns, the car, you can't just take it off of her - the same as you can't just go into her house and take her TV, kid's Playstation and whatever else you want.

As for whether you should - NO!

London_Gary_D

Your daughter is your flesh and blood. I don't know how you could even contemplate taking the car back. If you could not afford the loan in the first place then you should never have lent the money. Parents are there to help and support their children all through life, especially in difficult times, which your daughter and son-in-law are obviously experiencing at the moment. You need to be supportive to them and not put more pressure on them financially or otherwise. My father once gave me a piece of very good advice which has stood me in good stead all my life and that is never to lend any money to anyone or borrow from anyone, especially family. If you do then treat it as a gift and don't expect repayment. Your daughter and son-in-law should be told by you that they are not to worry about the loan at the moment and that your main concern is for your daughter's health. They will both respect and love you all the more for this and may even have a guilt complex later on and want to repay you.

hazdriver

Tortle wrote: »

So your daughter was trying to better herself to give her & her family a better life. She met all payments to you until she tragically fell mentally ill & now you want our blessing to heap even more anguish on her. Your real moral question should have been "Am I fit to call myself a parent?". When you have children you love them unconditionally, you're prepared to give everything you have for them, your life if necessary & most certainly your money.

And if your child was on heroin would you still give them all your money ?

Marco12452

Be open an honest about the way you feel about the situation. But talk about it with them asap.

Irma_Skint

Hi everyone and thanks for your views and replies and sorry for the delay in participating in the discussion.

The posted dilemma was shorter than the original so a few details were missing.

I take on board your views and have decided not to reclaim car if it is at all possible.

My daughter is much loved, much recovered and she has made the sensible decision to defer the course until youngest is at school. In the great scheme of things her health and their well being and my relationship with them are what is important.

However, my circumstances have changed since taking out the car-loan....divorce and a resulting heftier mortgage and also strong likelihood or even inevitable imminent redundancy. EEk ... scary position!

My daughter and her partner have two cars.. a company car and my daughter's car which she uses to run the children to school etc.

There seems to be a reluctance to pay me (currently paid once in the last four months) and I seem to be last on the list after their holiday, a trip away, and her partner's redundancy payment although luckily he quickly got another job.

I am better at resisting being 'duped ' by partner's sob stories such as 'lending' him fifty pound for her birthday present!!!

Are you beginning to sense my frustration? I am not getting any explanation about the lack of payments or even excuses or apologies and i feel I am being treated like a mug.
Irma Skint

scrabbly

If your daughter has had mental breakdown, then she cannot drive the car anyway- so take it back and forget the debt. Sell the car and take the loss ! If its only car in household then I,m afraid you will have to take the hit and forget it - they are obviously struggling and to leave them without transport would be cruel. Perhaps they could pay you back when daughter back in work ?