Real life MMD: Should I reclaim the car?

jemima82

If you let this lie you are not doing your daughter any favours - she needs to learn (and teach her own children) how to manage money, and the consequences of borrowing.

It's easy to make excuses to family as to why a debt can't/won't be repaid - however if the debt was owed elsewhere, their excuses wouldn't fly when the bailliffs came to the door.

If they can't make payments, take the car back and sell it. If you want to help them out (and I don't think you are obliged to), you could buy them a cheap run-around and take that hit yourself.

kingarhu

My first reaction is to question why would you make your daughter's life worse, but I suppose the more logical response is to ask how you would benefit in taking the car back. If you can't afford to make the repayments yourself and need to sell the car to cover the outstanding debt then you need to explain that to the family. I am sure that they will accept the reality of that, given their own circumstances. If you just take the car back because you think they don't deserve it then you need to think hard about which is more important -your daughter and grandchildren or your principles.

OldElstonian

Seems it's the husband who's trying to avoid paying back the loan.

If it were me, I'd put the husband up against a wall and explain to him that I wasn't the mug he'd apparently mistaken me for (although I realise that may not be an option for everyone!)

nomadgirl

Openness and awareness are of the essence in this situation. If stress levels are already high in your daughter's family, now is certainly not the time to exacerbate this by making demands of any kind. The most important issue right now is your daughter's recovery. Actually reclaiming the car would only add a visible indication that she had somehow "failed".
However, when the situation is less fraught there seems no reason why the subject of the car/loan cannot be adressed, particularly if your own credit-worthiness is compromised. I have a similar ongoing thing with my daughter at the moment which is being managed by a very low weekly payment (£5) via standing order. I had previously helped her out and written the money off but can no longer afford to do that. It is healthy for our children to understand that this could be the case and that the need to budget is important.

laurahughes

I think there is a lot of information missing here for anyone to give balanced advice.

If the outgoing money on the car is a problem for you, could you look into selling the car and using the proceeds to pay off the outstanding loan and buy another, cheaper car? Presumably the car is fairly new for you to have purchased it with a loan for them? Therefore you could probably sell it and buy a little small enginge run around for them? Although they may still owe you money it won't be money that is coming out of your account on a regular basis so they can pay you back as and when they can - if this is what you want.

But by the sounds of it your family really need your support right now.

awehla

If you want her to hold a grudge against you forever then yes ask for the car back. Seriously though I would say no you shouldn't ask for it back for the following reasons:

a) She's your daughter
b) She's had a nervous breakdown and 3 kids and has enough stress
c) You know your daughter (or should do) and shouldn't have got her the car in the first place if you couldn't afford to lose the money
d) Taking the car from them may cause more problems in the long run

The way I say it is a child is for life, even when they are grown up they still might need your help and this is one of those times. If she keeps being unreliable like this in future then just don't give her/lend her any more large sums of money and be there for her in other ways.

awehla

Mumto2 wrote: »

I would talk to them & help work out what they can afford to pay each month, then get it on a standing order so there's no more missed payments.

I would agree, I'm surprised a standing order wasn't done in the first place.

Stampede_2

As many others say, there are some gaps in the information so here goes:

Daughter and a husband, three children, a low credit rating - suggesting for whatever reason a long term problem and worth remembering you had to step in for both of them albeit you only talk about your daughter the loan was effectively for both of them. If not and this was prior to the marriage / children again still a long time ago and is still, and now, primarily their problem to face up to although you want to help with a solution as best you can.

In strict terms it would seem the car is your daughters and all you have is the right to expect her to honour the debt so you can not, and I'm not saying you would, 'snatch back' the car to cover the debt. But, offering to take the car off them, tactfully done, might be offering them a solution they would welcome saving on insurance, petrol, maintainance etc.

What is the underlying cause of your daughter's illness - is it the burden of the car, marriage or whatever ? Unravelling that might suggest a way forward for all of you.

Whilst I fully understand the sentiments some express that loans amongst the family should be seen as gifts I do not entirely subscribe to that view. I repaid, and treated seriously, a family loan when I first got married. After all I was acquiring the appreciating asset of a house whilst they lost interest on their savings. Some family loans are very substantial and represent a poorer old age many years later down the line if not honoured.

Only you know your own financial circumstances.

Your good credit rating does not automatically mean you are wealthy and can afford not to have your money repaid. It does mean you were sensible and not living beyond your means and that surely is the overiding message of the Money Saving Forums - help them to do the same.

:j Always pay the credit card in full each month. Living within my ( our ) means and since the bank interest rate is pathetic am carefully acquiring other assets that will, hopefully, see us with a better old age income.

tallgirld

If you are struggling financially to pay the loan then I would say YES suggest the car be sold to clear the debt. On the other hand if you can afford to pay it off then I would say NO just let it go. Dont tell her that she doesn't have to pay you back but write it off in your head.

I have lost thousands over the years helping "people" out. What I have now learnt is that if I "loan" anyone money I have to be able to afford to NEVER see that money again.

albir

You took out a loan, so presumeably couldn't afford to just hand over cash - either as a gift or a loan. Your daughter and her family should honour the agreement, if not then they should forego the car.
If you carry the debt then you will find it hard not to think it is "your money" that is paying for every luxury or treat that they enjoy, what will that do to your relationship?
It's not being a mean parent - take no notice of those who tell you it's your duty, I just wonder how they would have replied if your daughter had sent the op saying " ...should I ignore my resonsibility to my parents having used their ability to get and pay for a loan for my benefit?"
Reading between the lines, I wonder if it is a reluctance by daughter's other half to pay rather than an inability to pay...... having ruined their own credit score, they will have little concern for yours.
Of course your daughter may feel better not to have the worry of debt to the people she loves as well as avoiding ongoing tax, insurance, fuel, maintenance, mot etc. so may welcome the solution of handing the car to you in order to nullify the debt.
Whatever, don't let things ride, talk it out with her.