Real life MMD: Should I reclaim the car?

nczm

Just trying to get my head around the facts here...
You got a loan to buy a car for your daughter so she could travel to university to get qualified as a nurse?
If she's not finished her course then it undermines everything by taking back the car regardless of her personal welfare.
But I don't think you can make a decision without talking to your daughter and her partner first. Do they have another car? Do they want to get rid of the car which was specifically for university travel?
You're daughter is ill and speaking from personal experience getting someone back into work following a breakdown is a long process, the car is unlikely to be used for the meanwhile so it may benefit you all to sell it and cover the debt so neither of you have to worry about that and can focus on helping your daughter get better - cars devalue so quickly its wasted leaving it collecting dust.

joehoover

The priority here is your daughters illness, you are missing some gaps, ie, can you afford the repayments, what are the terms, will it get repossessed? You can't ruin your credit rating over this so you have to discuss and come up with a solution.

If your daughters illness isn't addressed, the Uni course won't be completed, kids are/will be siffering with their mother being unstable, it could tear relations apart between husband and wife. You could be alienated from them, for what?

Unless you think they are making excuses just to avoid paying you then that is a different matter, but sounds like something more serious is affecting their family and anything you can do to help them is the right way to go.

antonia1

What would you do if your daughter had been diagnosed with (treatable) cancer? Would you take her car from her, or keep making the repayments as long as you possibly could?

If you had a decent credit rating when you took out the loan, and assuming you still do, perhaps you could shift the balance to a 0% credit card and give the family some time to sort themselves out. If your daughter always did the finances, it might take a while for her husband to get a grip on income vs expenditure (my father would be rubbish at this without my mother). Also, try to work with your son in law as much as possible on these things. You both (presumably) care an awful lot about your daughter and her children, so try to see him as an ally and offer as much solidarity as you possibly can.

Talent

Not enough information to make a proper judgement. All I would say is,'Who needs the money the most'? Although I think you should write it off anyway.... she's your daughter, they're your grandkids.

babushkava

It seems that there is an unsaid piece in this family. As soon as the regular payment did not come in on time, this needed to be addressed with your daughter's partner and you could have looked together at how they meet their expenses.

At this point, rather than think about taking back the car, I would speak to your son-in-law (assuming your daughter is still not up to dealing with the finances, because she would be the natural first choice for this conversation) and explain that you are hoping to hear from him that he has been able to sort out a regular payment for you each month. If he demurs, repeat that it has to be regular each month, but that you would be willing to accept a lower amount over a longer period.

This is not only likely to get you a monthly payment, but is exactly what the finance houses do when people default - because it works, they get their money - but it also gently re-trains the habit of paying back, into the borrower. I believe that this would do the couple more of a favour in the long term.

If he says, "we actually can't afford to pay you anything at all, we are that strapped", then say, "well, we are both short. I have the loan to pay off, I suppose the only thing I can do is to sell the car."

That way there don't have to be hard feelings, everyone is being honest and respectful of each other.

I_need_help

Oh dear, but I don't think it is really a difficult problem. My daughter is training to be a midwife - she's coming to the end of her second year and it is extremely hard work, both physically and mentally. I admire your daughter for trying, particularly when she has a husband and three children. The bursary they receive is pitiful and they don't have any spare time for a part time job, they work all year round, with only 7 weeks holiday - they don't get the ridiculously long holidays that other students get - I'm not surprised she has health problems. I know that money I've lent my daughter won't be paid back and I don't mind, although I can't really afford it, because it is such a wonderful job they do and she is my daughter, whom I love very much. Look into your heart, is the money really that important?

Fujiko

I_need_help wrote: »

Oh dear, but I don't think it is really a difficult problem. My daughter is training to be a midwife - she's coming to the end of her second year and it is extremely hard work, both physically and mentally. I admire your daughter for trying, particularly when she has a husband and three children. The bursary they receive is pitiful and they don't have any spare time for a part time job, they work all year round, with only 7 weeks holiday - they don't get the ridiculously long holidays that other students get - I'm not surprised she has health problems. I know that money I've lent my daughter won't be paid back and I don't mind, although I can't really afford it, because it is such a wonderful job they do and she is my daughter, whom I love very much. Look into your heart, is the money really that important?

As others have said, too few facts to make a sensible judgement. My immediate reaction is that I would do anything to help my daughter in this situation, I'd just want her to be well again, so unless I was in need of the money and finding difficulty in keeping up the payments I would let the matter rest until she was well again and able to cope. Just two things bother me on the financial side - in this case there is a husband with an income, and presumably she had already given up work to take this course so the family have not lost out, and then there is the matter of the poor credit rating. Was this the daughter's or her husband's? Could this indicate some real money problems before this latest incident? Would letting the family think that you were a soft touch for any future problems be the wrong road for them and you? I certainly wouldn't say that you were prepared to write off the loan even if that is what you intend.
But of course in the end it all comes down to heart ruling head where our children are concerned!

milvusvestal

To demand repayment when your daughter is in such a parlous state is tantamount to kicking her when she's down.

Her job prospects appear remote, given her condition, so the husband is the only breadwinner for a family of five. I suggest you sit down with them both, and help devise a budget plan against his net spendable income. You will then at least see for yourself whether some repayment programme is feasible. If it isn't, and your daughter's mental health and employment opportunities are unlikely to improve, you will know there is no choice other than to recover and sell the car which, as she's not at university, she probably doesn't need now.

The only other point to consider is your own need for money. If it's not desperate, could you treat the balance owing as a gift? The very act of doing so might well improve her state of mind.

mandwhy

I think it's pretty simple, assuming your daughter is recovering now...

Talk to daughter and husband, see what they can realistically afford to set up a monthly standing order (just after payday preferably) for whatever that amount is. Even if it is half the amount make it clear that they are going to pay off the full amount however long it takes, so would they rather pay £250 for 10 months, or £125 for 20 months.

During this time, try explaining how your own finances work and how much is being taken out of your remaining money after major bills. I remember when my dad showed me a payslip when I was about 22, I honestly thought because his salary was more than double mine, that he would have double to take home (tax man doesn't allow that of course) and therefore double the disposable income. You just need to look at the facts and if they're really struggling one month because of unexpected car bills or whatever then you can decide to help them out.

P.s. The 'everyone's got legs' argument doesn't really work when you live in a village with poor transport like I do... 2hrs 45 mins and £17 transport costs vs 35 mins and about £5 petrol, not viable.

[Deleted User]

I'd sit down with them and go through their finances - work out if they REALLY need Sky TV, a bottle of wine every night, or that gym membership, or whatever, and see if cancelling those kind of things would enable them to pay you back.

Failing that, clamp the car randomly.