Where there's muck there's brass

RubySewSew

Had a fantastic day followed by a killer migraine . Babysat for my friends little girl - offered to go over to their house as they have a swimming pool! So had the pool to ourselves for the afternoon then popped into town for a mini makers fair. It was kind of a craft fair but with a geek theme - completely free and the boys loved it! Heh, I loved it! We played edible draughts, made gingerbread helter skelters, a hair fascinator, a pantograph, a mosaic and monsters that were scanned into a computer game! So cool!

I had a headache this morning that I thought might have been wine related but it just got worse and worse so that by the time I was driving home I thought I was going to throw up. Got in, necked migraine tabs and collapsed in bed. DS1 was a superstar - went to chipshop for the boys, took phone messages, got washing in, fed the chickens and then when I woke up offered to make me dinner! I made carbonara because a characteristic of my migraines is that I need to carb load once they have finished. So now I'm tired but better with a tummy full of spaghetti

It would have been a fantastically MSE day if not for the migraine - only spent £3 on parking and another £3 on the pantograph activity (£1 each - so worth it!) but had to shell out for chips and then cream and crisps to sate my post migraine gluttony. Oh well. Made me realised that it is important to have an emergency tenner in the house for just such emergencies.

Let DS1 go to bed with a dvd on the laptop - reckon he deserved it!

savingholmes

Hi RubySewSew - I thought I'd pop in as I used to post on some of the same diaries as you. sorry you are having it so rough - good that the surgery were so supportive tho... I really hope that you get some of the support you need soon. Great about the tax rebate - glad it came in time for you and the start of school

RubySewSew

Hey Savingholmes - lovely to have you here. I'm slowly trying to catch up on some of the old diaries - they've kept me going the past year. And its nice reading positive and inspiring stuff - I always seem to be whingeing!

chevalier

I don't know why there is a thumbs down sign by my post but ho hum!

happy new diary ruby, i followed your last one.

Well done on actually asking for help for your boys, that takes courage and is great. It is also great that your gp has actually referred you. ace

Ref the debt, seriously if it is stressing you this much, have you thought about going bankrupt. This debt was accrued together I am assuming, now your circumstances have changed so much, that this must be an option for you


good luck
chev

RubySewSew

Hey chevalier! I don't think bankruptcy is on the cards. If I'm honest I've always considered it to be the worst case scenario and not really a reality. I do have equity in my house which I could sell. I want to avoid doing that until the fixed rate comes up in 2 Augusts time because the redemption penalties are huge! Ironically, unless the ex pays a reasonable amount of maintenance then it could well come to that as it is the difference between repaying my debts and not. The irony being that he wants £10k out of the house!

When I started this thread the idea was to look at the beautiful things I have and make the most of them. Today has got me a little bit closer to that.

Yesterday I had really bad news. I bought the local paper to collect restaurant vouchers and happened across an article which informed me that my dearly beloved GP died suddenly and unexpectedly last week. He has been our family doctor for 10 years and has become a friend over that time supporting me through postnatal depression, a partner with depression, 2 homebirths, chronic illness, very poorly children who had been misdiagnosed, surgery, more depression acute gastritis etc etc. When DS1 was very small and a real handful he recorded me a parenting book which he thought would be helpful and gave me the audio as he knew I wouldn't have time to read it. He was really young and his children are only a few years older than mine. When I last saw him he wanted to sign me off work because he knew the stress was making me ill. He advised me to focus on the things I could change - an awful miserable job being the main one. I resigned the same day and was immediately offered a new job. So I guess, it was with the loss of a supportive friend and doctor that I woke up thinking that life is too frighteningly short.

So, this morning, I decided to tackle the kids behaviour. I had copied a behaviour contract from a friend and used this as a template. I did some research on house rules and wrote some for our house taking into account the positive behaviour I need to encourage. I wrote each boy an individual behaviour contract and then wrote rules for each of the bedrooms to help ease the pressure when it comes to privacy and quiet time. It became really apparent when talking it through with DS1 that he doesn't understand the difference between rights, responsibilities and privileges. I think this is where some of the conflict has been coming from. Hopefully, clear rules, rewards and consequences means we can start term peacefully. I'll post the house rules to see what those of you with kids think.

Whilst sorting out, writing up and implementing the gp's recommendations I made a space in the bathroom for the inhalers etc. It was one of those where you start clearing one thing and it just snowballs and this is where the muck and brass comes in... Whilst cleaning up the bathroom I dug out 3 limited edition Vince Ray mugs that were a gift. I don't really use them as mugs because they're fine bone china and I prefer a ceramic mug. I've popped them in the bathroom so now they're on display and can be used for storage. I found probably 20+ shampoo and moisturiser samples which should see me through to the end of the month and the same again in make up samples which will see me through to the end of the year! Cleared out the cupboards and medicine box and suddenly my bathroom is organised! Also had the idea of asking a friend to do some flashart for the bathroom for me. I can't afford to redecorate and its a kind of funny blue floor to ceiling tiles. But I do have a massive frame which is empty as it used to contain a poster sized wedding photo! I'm going to ask him to make a sailor inspired flashart for the frame to go with the mugs. And then I might have a lovely relaxing bathroom!

The house is very slowly starting to come together. Sorted out a whole load of disparate bags of stuff for the charity shop, recycling etc and now it is ready to just chuck in the car. Have taken a very old single duvet that was on DS2's bed (he has sleeping bags because of bed wetting and the duvet was his dad's when he lived at home!) and reclaimed it as a mattress topper for DS1's bed! He's been moaning for ages about his mattress being uncomfortable and now he has a lovely feather mattress topper!! Taken a lovely old patchwork throw and put that on DS2's bed so his bed looks like a proper bed and can easily be washed.

And then, I've just cut 'do not disturb signs' for the bedroom door handles out of old cereal boxes. The idea is the kids can decorate them and then use them on their door handles if they need quiet time or privacy and then the others no to leave them alone.

And then! And then, I ironed the school shirts. It will probably be the only time all school year they get ironed but they have nice, clean, scented, white pressed shirts for their first week back at school. let's hope DS1's trousers arrive in time!

So lots of mucking out and polishing of brass. I'm tired and I go back to work tomorrow and its not perfect but it is mine and it is getting better. And by the end of the week I will start to reclaim some regular time to myself to start working on all those other things that will help me to start moving things forward.

3 pay packets to Christmas!

RubySewSew

House rules

1. We look after ourselves and keep each other safe, happy and healthy.

2. We are responsible for tidying up after ourselves and putting things back how we found them.

3. We use calm, indoor voices.

4. When we are angry or upset we go somewhere quiet to calm down or we can ask an adult for help.

5. We give each other space and time to talk, to be quiet and to be private.

6. We only get involved with somebody else’s argument if we are invited.

7. We keep and use calm, kind words and actions at all times.

8. We all work together towards a clean, safe, happy house.

9. If we choose to break a house rule we are choosing to accept the consequences. We can always ask an adult to help us with our choices.

10. We all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.


Because DS1 is dyslexic I actually alternated the colour for each rule so that it was easier to read. I've wondered if there would actually be a market for producing behaviour packs? I also bought a diary at the weekend to start diarising some of the really challenging behaviour. It shocks me sometimes and its difficult to communicate that without sounding melodramatic.

stripes

Your strength has been amazing, keep it up you are doing great :j

RubySewSew

Back to work today and absolutely shattered! Didn't sleep last night though so hoping that is a contributory factor. Bit emotional being back at work.

House a mess, food supplies running short, term begins!

Friends helped out with the kids and sent them home with an apple crumble One of my five a day!

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

Glad to see how positive you were when you posted yesterday - I think the house rules are great - we did something similar here but that has fallen by the way side a bit.

I think you buying the newspaper which happened to have the story in about your GP was a sign from the Universe - I hope you can change your life enough to make it so much more positive and happy than it sometimes is.

Sorry today was not as good as it could have been - hopefully tonight you can get some decent sleep.

RubySewSew

I cut out the vouchers and the article about my GP backs it exactly so I think you are right. I am still so sad to have lost such a positive and stable influence in my life but his legacy lives on. He taught me so much about looking after myself and about raising the children positively.

So far the rules haven't made a massive impact on behaviour other than that the children are accepting the consequences more readily and I am being calmer and more consistent. We often use scripts with the kids at school and it is so helpful in terms of helping you to keep your cool. DS2 is raging and raging at the moment. His behaviour is incredibly challenging but then that is why we have been referred for psychological support.

I am absolutely shattered from work. It took an age to drop off to sleep again last night. But, do you know what? Tomorrow is my last day and then I am finished for 4 days. And that makes all the difference in the world. I got my timetable today for the new role and it is going to be a nice balance of small groups and classroom work.

I feel a bit up in the air about the weekend. Me and the bf broke up over the summer so this is going to be the first real adult weekend on my own. i don't have the money to go out socialising and the hosue is too messy to have people over (not that I would have anyone to invite). I have stuff planned for Friday day - lifecoaching with a friend and then lunch and sauna with other friends. Sunday I'm meeting another friend for breakfast and a walk and a poke round the antique shops. I just get a bit antsy in the evenings. Any MSE tips for fun evenings alone?