My sis is getting married - I can't go - I feel rubbish

melancholly

and if you're approaching the end of your phd don't forget that your baseline stress is already really high..... (trust me, i know!!). it takes very little to send me off at the moment and i need to remember not to 'over-react' to things that normally wouldn't bother me so much.

redspot24

Ifeelsad, I really sympathise with your situation in many ways... I'm only 15months into my PhD and already have panic dreams about submission! I also understand your feelings about your parents' relationship to your sister. Although my bro is in the forces, at the minute he is based in the UK and him and my sil see a lot of my parents - I feel childish at times because it makes me feel jealous and I (or my dbf!) have to tell myself to get a grip.

The point I really wanted to make is that the baby is more important than the wedding. My bro got married last summer but they also had a baby, which completely over-shadowed everything else. Our situation was different as I was able to attend, but believe me, it was nothing compared to the feelings of being an auntie. It is the most fabulous experience I've ever had. It makes me sad that I can't see my nephew more regularly, so I understand your fears, but it is worth all the heartache to have him in my life at all...
I know the wedding probably seems really crucial at the minute, but in the end you'll feel more blessed (and less stressed) about being able to be involved with the baby, even if it is a few hours away xxx

ifeelsad

melancholly wrote:

and if you're approaching the end of your phd don't forget that your baseline stress is already really high..... (trust me, i know!!). it takes very little to send me off at the moment and i need to remember not to 'over-react' to things that normally wouldn't bother me so much.

I know what you mean. I am so touchy about everything and I'm sure if this had all happened in the first year I wouldn't be upset at all (though if it was the first year I could go )

Redspot. Good luck with your PhD. I wish I'd had panic dreams after 15 months - I might have got more work done and not have so much to do now!

I'm so looking forward to being an auntie - though even that brings problems cos I'm jealous I suppose and I find it difficult to discuss her pregnancy and baby with her without getting upset but that's a whole different story.

Everything is so complicated! But at least I'm feeling better about not going and that's good.

misty

I think the video is a fab idea - I'm sure she'd love it - also the old/new/borrowed/blue box too.

I know what it's like when you're studying and the stress it causes if your physically unwell too - it just makes everything seem so much more unbearable. Maybe you are depressed - maybe you need to try and de-stress a little (I know you're probably shouting at the monitor -I HAVEN'T ANY TIME TO DE *FFing STRESS) I was really feeling pressured myself a few months ago and I was convinced I was physically ill. Try and make some time to relax even if it is just a long soak in the bath. Hope you continue to feel better

gingercordial

Hello ifeelsad. Just wanted to add some sympathy to you regarding the PhD, and to say don't give up!

My OH's just submitted his and my goodness he was stressed at the end, snapping at everyone for the slightest thing, especially as his funding ran out in September so he's been writing up whilst working full-time too. And I haven't seen one of my best friends for six months whilst she's been working day and night to finish (her viva's on Thursday so we'll be partying at the weekend). I can't imagine what the stress levels must be in your house with both of you finishing at once, it's been all I could do to calm down my OH let alone doing it myself too! It's such a lot of work, but you will get there, and you will feel so proud of yourself when you can call yourself Doctor!

However, would it really be so bad to take a week off? Would your supervisor really deny you that? I know it's not a proper employment contract (or is it, I forget and OH's not here to ask) but you must be entitled to a certain amount of time off. No-one can go a whole year without at least a couple of days off, you'll go mad. I'm sure your supervisor would understand if you did ask, especially if you explained why. For your own sanity, even if you DON'T go to the wedding, I'd like to ask you to at least consider taking a week off at some point in the next few months? Just to give yourself a rest before the final slog to September? Really a week won't make that much difference to you finishing on time.

Also, if it's going to be difficult for him to square it with his supervisor, and expensive, does your boyfriend really have to come to NZ with you? Of course it would be nice if he did, but if it's only for a week, could you bear to go alone? You'll be with your family after all.

I really can understand why you're upset, though I think some of it is the PhD stress talking. I don't think that it's impossible for you to go, given what I've said above. But if you really don't feel up to it, then try to stay calm and remember it is only one day whereas she will be your sister forever. Give her a call and tell her how you feel, and don't put the phone down until you're friends again.

Good luck!

Mics_chick

If you're going to do the old/new/borrowed/blue bit - the rhyme actually ends "and a silver sixpence in her shoe" I bought an old sixpence for a friend for a few pounds off ebay. But even if you send her a new 5p then it will complete the whole tradition.

My ex-husband had a collection of old coins from his late dad so I put one of these in my shoe. At the reception I asked my ex to put it in his pocket because it was uncomfortable. After we got home I asked him where it was and he said he had lost it!! It's supposed to bring the couple luck with money in their marriage - when we divorced 9yrs later we were £40,000 in debt - think that says it all :rotfl: :rotfl:

I think the video/dvd idea is a great one too.

Do call your sister and say that you're really sad that you can't be there but you're really looking forward to her coming over here cos you can't wait to be an auntie!! How about suggesting a regular time (say once a week) when she can ring you (or you can ring her) at a convenient time for you both so that she can tell you what she's planning for her wedding day. Say that you would really love to hear her plans especially as you're not going to be there but she can tell you every little detail cos brides-to-be can often bore the pants off everyone around them...:D

Glad

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