Horns of a Dilemma

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

She hated her first year.

Academically or socially or both? Is she on the right course for her?

She thinks they are dirty and they think she is hanging out of her clothes. Both are probably right.

she is probably better in halls than a flat share then. both for filth and diversity of social life. Hanging out of her clothes? Lots of them are aren't they? But if these are to be her peers in work and life maybe she needs to compromise here sometimes...dunno, what do you think?

Has she made friends? Has she joined what there is to join etc? I'm sure you're giving her the right pep talks.

I have another two girls watching her with interest. I have a lot riding on this.

lol, that's excellent. It sounds like they too are gaining aspiration!

I still intend rescuing her at her the end. I just don't know what best to do with the cash to achieve this

The best thing you can do to rescue her is keep loving her and keep looking for ways SHE can help herself while you provide this for a few years down the line. I don't think she needs to ''fit in'', maintaining individuality is of forgotten importance, but she needs to be able to feel comfortable and happy socially, and fulfilled academically.

vivatifosi

I'd cap it at £40k, put that aside for girl and whatever extra you get goes towards your kitchen.

In terms of the £40k, it depends on her attitude to money. I have two relatives. They both inherited a similar sum. One of these has struggled a lot as a single parent. She used the money as a down-payment on a house and it has made her. The other one has had pretty much everything handed to him on a plate. He burned through it in no time: bought some stuff, gambled a bit, went on holiday. Has nothing to show at the end of it.

If your daughter's attitude to money is as responsible as the first one I've mentioned, I'd work with her, identify what she needs and put the money towards her future in a way that you both agree is appropriate (which may or may not involve a downpayment on property). If her attitude is more towards the second, you will need to be far more hands on.

Spirit_2

Your daughter sounds fine. Mine is 'very individual' hated halls, and has had a fair share of worry and tragedy during her senior school and undergraduate years. So I do understand the desire to 'support' our loved daughters - support can come in avariety of shapes.

We have encouraged her to take a year out post graduation to work and travel (her second gap year:eek: and we have helped with the travel budget) and she is about to commence an MA which she has decided to do part-time so it will be 2 years and she will be 25 when she finishes - nothing vocational or career directed (that we can see). she continues to live at home..her choice...which I do find a challenge at times.

To be honest I do not really want her job hunting in the present climate as I hate the idea of her starting her career working life with a myriad of rejections and I know how tough the job market is.

I am a poor girl made good - good being having a mortgaged semi-detached cottage and a high salary but when I started out the jobs market was crying out for graduates.

What I have now decided is that the next most important 'gift' I can give her is to ensure that her dad and I are financially secure during retirement so that we are not a burden to her. You need to look after your long term future too. I have reached my recent decision as for much of my working life (from 16) I have supported my own mother or other members of my family financially

pqrdef

I read this article saying the student accommodation market was about to collapse because of the hike in fees, leading to more people studying from home etc. Of course we've heard it before, when fees first came in, but there wasn't a recession on then. May not happen, but then again it could.

The flat is a nice idea, but sadly the timing happens to be lousy. The market value could easily go down, and that's your inheritance just going down the drain. If you were looking for reassurance, I think that's in short supply.

wageslave

The brat is 17. Freshers week was a nightmare, she was abandoned outside a nightclub by her peers as too young to get in. Left standing on a pavement in a strange city frightened to death.

This for a girl who hadn't even gone to the cinema in a small town on her own before.

It has been a steep learning curve for both of us.

To be frank, I am amazed how little parental guidance middle class teenagers get.

heathcote123

Pimperne1 wrote: »

In the current climate I don't think I would be getting into property. I certainly wouldn't be giving the dosh to the older girl when I had two others on the way up either (although I might subsidise her a bit for the next two years)! Don't think I can say more than that (except if you are risk averse perhaps you should just try and invest it longer term in an account that will hopefully keep up with inflation).

Pimps, surely Edinburgh property is always a good bet?

silvercar

We thought of doing it for eldest, with a view to keeping the property on after he finished at uni. It would have made good financial sense especially as youngest is likely to follow him. But we rejected the idea for loads of reasons. IMHO students do not make good landlords. They are also not capable of looking after a property single handed. Even with relatives nearby we decided it was not ideal. Do you want your child to be seen as the one that can offer free accommodation, the one with more disposable income - could attract the wrong people. Let your daughter be a student, don't let them become a property owner too young. Part of the uni experience is living in grotty properties and learning to get along with people. After the first year she can choose to live in a shared house with like minded people.

silvercar

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

And complaining about an en suite - I didn't know halls had them!

Some halls put tiny bathrooms inside each bedroom - making the remaining bedroom tiny. That way appearing to offer more and hiking the price at the same time.

silvercar

Tuition fee hikes will lead to fewer students and more students living at home. Now is not the time to buy student property.

michaels

Well my spy on the ground who has been looking to buy a btl in Edinbro says prices appear to be falling, you can get more for your money than a year ago and that sellers are 'flexible' all of which says to me don't buy for short term. If DD is at uni doing a science subject I can also hook her up with a useful contact.

However I think it is important that people learn to provide for themselves. DW tries to make up for the fact that she is the only parent to DSS by making him want for nothing but it is only now that we can not afford to that he has got off his backside and started working which of course has actually boosted his self esteem.